Fool of Me
by AllieLoveFinchel
Summary: Six years ago he broke her heart and left her alone to pick up the pieces. What will she do now that he's back and asking for a second chance? When Finn and Rachel are forced to face a past they've hidden from everyone, will it bring them closer together or drive them further apart? FINCHEL AU
1. What Kind of Fool am I

_**A/N: I've let Finn and Rachel into my head and now they won't leave! So I'm back...already! Maybe I should get a job...**_

_**This story was completely inspired by the song "Fool of Me" by Me'Shell Ndegeocello (story title too, obviously). Give it a listen if you want to start the story off with a bit of an idea of Finn and Rachel's history together and Rachel's emotions towards Finn at the beginning.**_

_**If you read Secret, you know I love Puck, so expect to see a lot of him here. The Puckleberry is heavy in the first couple chapters but it's NOT romantic Puckleberry! I swear! This is 100% a Finchel fic! All of their convos are about Finn. You have my word that this won't be a love triangle thing and that Rachel and Puck ARE NOT in love with each other! (will be calling him Noah though since it's Rachel's story). Sorry for the F-bombs, Noah Puckerman has a potty mouth! **_

_**Opening quote from the song "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy. Neither song nor Glee is mine :)**_

* * *

_I cannot wake up in the morning_

_Without you on my mind_

_So you're gone and I'm haunted_

_And I bet you are just fine_

_Did I make it that easy_

_To walk right in and out of my life?_

"NOAH! Noah where are you?" Rachel calls out into the apartment as she looks into his bedroom trying to find him. She huffs in frustration as she tosses her phone down after he, once again, ignores her call. That man is something else.

He's her roommate, but most importantly he's her absolute best friend. Not to mention ex-boyfriend, confidant, shoulder to cry on and, well, sometimes lover. She uses the term "lover" loosely. She loves him wholeheartedly, but only in the friendly sense. She's not_ in love _with him. There's no white picket fences or babies in their future.

Okay, maybe she should start at the beginning. There's a couple things you need to know about Rachel Berry before you can understand the dynamic of her relationship with Noah Puckerman. For starters, she hates men. Perhaps that's a little harsh, but she definitely doesn't trust them. She had her heart completely demolished by a boy she thought hung the moon back in high school and has had serious trust issues ever since. She won't talk about it to anyone; not even Noah knows the story. He is simply known as, "The one who shall not be named."

It took her awhile to get over her heartbreak, deferring her college acceptance for a year. But one year after graduation she headed to The New York Academy of Dramatic Arts, _the _premiere performing arts school in the country. She was nineteen with a fresh outlook on life and a fresh make over. She met Noah at a local club he was tending bar at while out one night her first semester. He caught her eye instantly. He was the exact opposite of every other man she'd ever known, especially_ him, _you know, the one who shall not be named. He was muscular, tan, and had an air of danger about him that was amplified by the slightly ridiculous mohawk atop his head that Rachel, inexplicably, found incredibly sexy.

He, in turn, was intrigued by everything about her, and the way she refused to call him 'Puck' like everyone else just made him want her even more. He flirted with her shamelessly for a month until she finally agreed to go home with him. They dated exclusively for a whole year before finally accepting the fact that they are much better off as friends. She always felt safe and protected with him and almost everything she knows about sex, (how to be good at it from a technical standpoint at least) she learned from him. They simply just weren't meant for the long haul. Relationships don't tend to last when one half is still in love with someone else. Love is funny that way.

In a strange twist of fate, they ended up getting an apartment together after their break up and have lived together ever since. Now she's twenty-four, a month from graduating and he's a fire fighter for the New York Fire Department. She dates occasionally, as does he, but neither have yet to find "the one." Rachel is not one for sleeping around or casual sex, so dating is hard sometimes.

There's a certain time of night, when today is slowly becoming yesterday and the world is fast alseep, none the wiser, that is always the hardest for her. Sometimes when she's laying in her bed alone, fighting to keep the loneliness and the ghosts of her past from pulling her under, she sneaks into his room and greedily accepts the comfort his body willingly provides her. He never asks questions, never acts weird about it, even the times she finds herself clinging to him afterwards, crying. He knows the tears aren't for him. He's just there, her silent fortress of strength. And she's indebted to him.

At this particular moment though, she's annoyed with him. Annoyed that he's no where to be found. There's a wedding this weekend, a very important wedding, and she needs him to help her pick just the right dress. And by that she means she needs him to tell her which dress makes her look the sexiest, the most desirable. She carefully spreads the new dresses she's just bought out on her bed and tries to visualize how she'll look in each one.

"Hey I'm home! Why have you been blowin' up my cell?" She hears Noah call as he throws his shoes by the front door and walks into her room.

"Noah I need you!"

"Oh no, oh heeeell no princess I'm not jacking with this dress shit again! Where's Kurt?" he says as he turns to quickly leave her room.

"Wait, please!" she runs after him and grabs his right arm, "Please, please I need your help!"

"Why can't Lady Hummel help you with this? He gets off on this kinda shit."

"Kurt has already helped me purchase all of these," she says as she motions to the dresses on her bed, "but I need _you_, a man with a staunch record of heterosexuality, to tell me which dress I look the most desirable in."

"Rachel it's an old people wedding, why is your dress so fucking important? Besides us, Kurt and Blaine will probably be the only young people there."

"Are you sure you aren't forgetting one very important, small little detail?" She asks in a small voice, looking down at the floor.

"Rachel, just tell me what's going on," he grabs her hand and leads her to sit next to him on her bed. "You're avoiding eye contact with me which means this is something serious. You usually just turn those crazy eyes on me when you want something. Tell me why this dress is so important to you?"

"Did you forget who Kurt's dad is marrying?" She whispers, still looking at the floor.

"Uhmm it's that Carole lady right? We had dinner with them that one night. I don't see what the big deal is."

"Noah..."

"What? She was nice. Her meatloaf was decent. She...oh shit. That's right. She's his mom, huh?"

"I can't believe you forgot that..."

"Well maybe if someone would actually tell me what the hell this dude did, I would be able to remember a little better!"

"It's not important what he did Noah!" She wails as she stands up in front of him. "What's important is that he broke my heart in an unforgivable manner and that this will be the first time I see him SIX YEARS! I just want him to look at me and...I don't know...think I'm pretty still? Prettier? Feel bad about himself maybe. Is that stupid?"

"No," he sighs, rubbing his mohawk in frustration, "it's not stupid. But listen to me." He stands up then and puts his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "You are a hot piece of ass Rachel Berry and you fuckin' rock in the sack. I'm not gonna let you turn into a sad excuse of a woman just because you have to see some douche that fucked you up six years ago. You'll look smokin' no matter what and you know what? Fuck him."

"Thank you Noah," she smiles at him despite the sick feeling she still feels in her stomach.

"You know Princess, all you have to do is say the word. I'm a Puckerman...I know people. No one would ever suspect a thing."

"I'm not going to hire a hit man to kill him Noah Puckerman! But thank you, _again_, for your offer."

"Try this pink dress," he says, both surprising her and effectively changing the subject.

"Well, okay," she says grabbing it and stripping her sun dress off to try it on for him. "but, uhm, there's one more thing."

He looks at her waiting for her next request as she motions for him to help zip her up.

"I need you to be my date."

"What?! But I was gonna bring Marley!"

"Who in the world is Marley? Seriously Noah, it's a new girl every week!"

"You know Marley, that little mousey brunette from the library. You know the quiet ones are always the under cover freaks! _What_? Don't look at me like that!"

"I can't believe you've been so successful picking up girls at the library. How can they not see that this is a game to you?" She shakes her head, "Regardless though, you'll have to cancel, I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend!"

"And give up a shot at wedding sex? No way."

"Noah-"

"Do you have any idea what weddings do to single girls? It's like an aprodisiac on acid, it makes chicks go crazy! As my best friend you wouldn't want to deprive me of that would you?"

"Ugh, fine! Whatever Noah! Pull the best friend card on me! You go have desparate, tacky wedding sex and I'll just be all alone. All alone having to face the guy who used-" she cuts herself off before she can complete her thought. She doesn't want to talk about this. She turns to look at herself in the mirror, willing the tears not to come.

"Damnit Rachel!" Noah roars as he heads into the living room.

"Where are you going?"

"To call Marley and cancel our date!"

"Really?!"

He simply grunts in response.

"You're the best BFF ever Noah Puckerman!"

"Yeah, yeah..."

* * *

Today is the day. Today is _THE DAY_. She's barely been able to eat all week. Today is the day she has simultaneously fantasized about and dreaded for the past six years. She has no delusions about this day turning into anything that even remotely resembles one of her ridiculous fantasies, she's still too hurt for that. No, this meeting, oh this meeting is going to fit much more nicely into the "dread" department.

She's standing in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom, the same place she's been standing for the last ten minutes. She's been ready for awhile now, but she has to make sure she looks perfect. She _has _to look perfect. There can't be any imperfections.

"C'mon Princess, you look fine," Noah groans as he sits down on the edge of her bed, completely ready to go.

"Fine? I look _fine_?" She hisses.

"Rachel, you look beautiful. You always look beautiful."

"I'm freaking out Noah," she whispers, wringing her hands, ignoring his compliment. "I don't think I can do this. I can't do this."

"Rachel look at me," he orders as he stands behind her and makes eye contact with her in the mirror, "You're a strong, amazing, talented, _beautiful _woman. Now I don't know what happened with you and this guy, seeing as you won't even let Kurt mention his name, but whoever he is, he's gonna kick himself in the ass when he sees you. Annnnd he's gonna be so fucking pissed when he sees how hot your boyfriend is."

She can't help but laugh as she leans back against him and up looks up at him, "Thank you. You're the best best friend in the world."

"So I've been told," he grins.

"Now let's go over the rules one more time!" She chirps as she stands up straight and begins looking for her clutch.

"I've been your boyfriend for real before, remember? I think I can act the part again for one night."

"You're right, I'm sorry. I just need you to remember the number one rule."

"Always keep an eye out and immediately come interrupt if I see him coming for you."

"Yes annnnd?"

"No openly checking out women so people don't think your boyfriend is unhappy and looking to hook up."

"Yes. Perfect!

"C'mon, let's go. You'll be fine, I promise."

"Okay," she sighs, "let's get this over with."

Noah holds her hand from the time they exit the car until they sit down in the pews of the church. His strong right hand keeps her smaller left one from shaking wildly and she clasps her right one on to his foreman to keep it steady as well. She doesn't see him anywhere, the one who shall not be named, but she figures it's because he's a groomsmen, she doesn't see Kurt or Blaine anywhere either.

She and Kurt went to the same high school, but were never friends until they ended up in New York City together. He turned a coveted internship into a blossoming career at Vogue dot com and played an integral role in Rachel's post high school make over. Kurt and _him weren't_ necessarily friends either, but have developed a sort of brotherly bond since their parents began dating. Kurt probably knows more about their sordid history than anyone else, but he still doesn't know the half of it.

She doesn't realize she's bouncing her left leg nervously until she feels Noah's hand drop down on her knee, "You look like a little kid trying not to shit their pants. Chill out."

"I'm sorry," she glares at him.

"Never let 'em see you sweat Princess."

She forces a tight smile at him and nods her head as the string quartet in the corner begins filling the room with music. She grabs the hand Noah still has resting on her knee with both of her own as Blaine and a bridesmaid she doesn't recognize make their way down the aisle. Blaine smiles at them as they pass, eyeing the placement of their hands curiously.

She sucks in a sharp breath as he comes into view next, arm looped through the arm of his cousin, Charlotte. She hasn't seen him in six years, not even a picture. She's avoided ever creating any social media account for the sole purpose of avoiding seeing pictures of him (though she's never admitted to anyone that that's the reason). She only has the memory of what he looked like in high school, the vision of his eighteen year old self is tattooed in her thoughts. It both stars in her dreams and haunts her nightmares. He was handsome then, yes, but it's almost painful to look at him now. No, to say he is handsome now would be a massive understatement.

She knows he's spent the last six years in the army, but she's certain even if she hadn't previously heard that information, she would be able to come to that conclusion herself based on his appearance alone. He's not in uniform, but he looks so tall in his perfectly tailored black suit. Well, he's always been tall, but gone is the tall, pale man-boy with the messy hair who was just a little soft around the middle because he always had to have that extra doughnut (brain food, as he called it).

Here before her now he seems impossibly taller, skin tanned from the sun of foreign lands, lean, strong muscles visible even under his suit, hair cropped close to his scalp. The biggest difference though, is the confidence radiating from him. He's walking taller, holding his head higher. He's not the awkward, insecure boy she fell hopelessly in love with. He's a man...and she wants to cry.

She grips Noah's hand in much the way she imagines a laboring mother grips the hands of her husband when a contraction hits. Noah curses under his breath from the force of her grip and her nails digging into his skin, causing several sets of eyes to turn toward them, including_ his. _First his eyes look to Noah before immediately locking with hers.

She's certain she stops breathing when their eyes lock. Her heart ceases to beat and her stomach twists in painful knots. He stops walking when he sees her and his mouth drops open a little, causing Charlotte to tug on his arm, reminding him of the task at hand. She watches as he shakes his head lightly and continues to his place next to Blaine.

"Breathe," Noah leans over and whispers, knowing his every move is being watched. He kisses her lightly on the cheek to snap her out of her stupor and watches with slight amusement as the amber eyes of one tall groomsman narrow at him slightly.

Rachel feels Noah press his lips against her cheek, so she knows she's still alive and she hears herself exhale quietly, so she must still be breathing. His gaze never strays too far from hers now and everytime their eyes lock again, she finds it a little bit more difficult to just sit there. The room is heating up; she feels like she's sweating and her mouth is uncomfortably dry. She misses Kurt walking down the aisle with Carole's sister, but when she hears the opening chords to "Here Comes the Bride," she almost weeps with gratitude at being allowed to turn away from him for a moment.

Carole is stunning and Rachel could not possibly be happier for her and Burt, but she really wishes he would stop looking at her, at least not like that. He's looking at her with soft, caring, dare she say _adoring _eyes and she absolutely cannot breathe in this church with him here!

The moment the ceremony is over she grabs Noah's hand and races for his car, kneeling over against the passenger door as she gasps for air. She feels his strong hand rubbing soothing circles on her back before he helps her up into her seat.

As usual, he lets her come down from her moment of emotional imbalance without any ridicule. The car ride to the reception is silent until Noah decides it's safe to speak again. He clears his throat, "So that was him, huh?"

She's silent for a beat before she answers sarcastically, "How'd you guess?"

"He looks different than I thought he would. Dude's big."

She continues looking out the window, hands clasped in her lap and doesn't respond.

"Are you...okay?"

"Finn," she whispers.

"Come again?"

"His name is Finn."

"Oh...Okay. Finn," he furrows his brow and purses his lips before snorting, "s'weird fucking name."

She cracks the tiniest of smiles at him before turning to look back out the window.

"You didn't need to worry about the dress, you know," Noah says gently as he pulls into a parking space. She looks over at him in question.

"C'mon Rachel, I saw the way he was looking at you. _Everyone _saw the way he was looking at you. You could have worn your fucking bunny pajamas and he still would have tripped walking down the aisle looking at you."

She gives him a full grin for that, Noah has always relentlessly teased her for her favorite night gown, covered in pink bunnies she personally finds absolutely adorable. It's the one garment she allowed herself to bring to New York from home. The only garment of the old Rachel Berry's that she can bring herself to wear.

He always knows the right things to say to help lighten up her mood again and she desperately hopes he's able to continue doing so during the reception. Finn will be there and she has no doubt he'll try to talk to her...just thinking about it makes her feel light headed. And _not _in a good way.

As Noah comes around to open the passenger side door to help her out, he leans down to whisper in her ear, "Don't forget who you are Princess."

She nods at him with as much confidence as she can muster before grabbing his hand in the exact same manner she did on the way to the church.

She takes her seat next to Noah and nervously munches on appetizers, waiting for the wedding party to arrive from taking pictures. Burt's neighbor, seated next to Rachel, attempts to make conversation with her several times, but she can only manage a weak smile and nod here and there. He gives up just as the DJ begins announcing the wedding party.

She feels those knots in her stomach again as she watches him laughing and dancing along to "We are Family" with the rest of the wedding party. He's still a horrible dancer. It horrifies her when she realizes she's smiling at the fact he's still a little bit like the awkward boy she fell in love with. It reminds her of a time long ago, trying to teach him how to slow dance before prom...but that was a lifetime ago. She doesn't know this man anymore and he certainly doesn't know her.

Everyone in the room applauds as the song ends and the DJ announces that dinner will be served shortly. She watches out of the corner of her eye as the party disperses to take their seats and smiles brightly as Kurt and Blaine head their way.

"Hello all!" Kurt cries cheerfully, ecstatic that all his tireless wedding planning has resulted in a, thus far, flawless wedding.

"Hi Kurt, everything looks beautiful," she smiles.

"Hey I'm gonna go take a leak. You okay?" Noah asks from beside her. She smiles and nods as he leans over to kiss her on the cheek again. She has to stifle a giggle at the look on Kurt's face.

"What is..." he stops talking as he motions between her and the empty chair Noah just left.

"Uhm it's just...I don't know? Weddings make people lonely, you know?" They didn't really discuss what they would tell their friends, but she figures it's best to let everyone believe the charade, just for tonight.

He eyes her suspiciously, making her squirm under his stare, so she excuses herself to get a drink from the bar.

She's waiting patiently for her amaretto sour when she feels a familiar presence standing behind her. Why did she think it would be okay to go to the bar? Of course he would find her. Her heart clenches painfully when she hears him ask the bartender for a glass of water. It's been six years since she's heard his voice. Six years since the last words he said to her...and yet, it seems like it was just yesterday. She hears that voice in her dreams.

"Hi Rachel," he says softly as he turns to look at her, "you look beautiful tonight."

"You look beautiful tonight? That's what you have to say to me?" She whispers, already having to fight off the tears threatening to betray her.

"Rach-"

"No. No Finn. I have nothing to say to you," she spits between clenched teeth before turning and running straight into a familiar, broad chest. She breathes in the scent of Noah, letting the comfort of his presence calm her down. She exhales and clings to the strength he provides her.

He steadies her and wraps his arm around her as he hands her her forgotten drink. "Slow down baby, you almost forgot your drink." He's smiling at her so convincingly, she thinks for a second that she should sign him up for an acting class when they get home. He would excel in it.

She returns his smile as Finn clears his throat and clenches his jaw uncomfortably.

"Oh I'm sorry, how rude of me! Baby, this is an old friend of mine from high school, Finn Hudson. Finn this is my boyfriend, Noah Puckerman."

"Nice to meet you Noah," Finn says calmly, reaching his hand out to shake Noah's.

"Puck. Call me Puck. Only my mom and Rachel call me Noah." It's the truth, so she smiles at him and takes a sip of her drink.

"Okay, _Puck_. So, how did you and Rachel meet?"

"We met when she first moved to the city. She took me home one night and well, let's just say I still haven't been able to get enough. She's a firecracker my little Berry." He winks at her as he pats her on the ass and squeezes before resting his hand there.

She has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from telling him to move his hand, but the way Finn's gaze drops to Noah's hand and then back to her eyes makes it all worth it.

"Yeah, she always was something special," Finn replies so quietly she's not even sure if it was meant for them to hear. She swallows down the lump in her throat and eyes Noah, silently begging him to get her out of this awkward situation.

He picks up on it and reaches out to pat Finn on the shoulder in a friendly manner, "Nice to meet you Finn, but they're starting to serve dinner and the plans I have for us tonight, well my girl's gonna need to eat up to be at full strength."

She cringes slightly at the way Noah grins at her, but otherwise remains expressionless. Finn simply nods for his part and Rachel looks down at the floor as they turn to walk back towards their table. Noah keeps his hand firmly on her ass and she chances a peek back over her shoulder, seeing Finn standing in the same spot, watching them with a look in his eyes that she can't place.

"You can take your hand off my ass now, you know," she mumbles.

"You always let me grab your ass when I was your real boyfriend," he smirks.

"Yeah, well things are different now," she sighs. As she watches Finn walking back to his table she's hit with how painfully true that statement is.

* * *

Dinner passes uneventfully, her only having to dodge a few more questions about the nature of her and Noah's relationship now, but thankfully no one mentions Finn. He catches her eye a few times over the course of the meal, but it's not until she's out on the dance floor, laughing and dancing with Kurt and Blaine that his gaze is practically burning a hole through her lacy pink dress.

"Someone can't keep his eyes off you tonight Babs," Kurt whispers playfully in her ear.

"Too bad I'm going home with Noah tonight then huh?" She snaps at him.

"Down girl," Kurt smiles apologetically, knowing he's touched on a sore subject. He leans forward and wraps his arms around her, swaying to the music and humming in her ear. He may have had a few too many glasses of champagne already, so she ignores the effect his words have on her and hugs him back.

Finn really can't seem to keep his eyes off of her though and it's affecting Rachel more than she would like. She doesn't feel like she's dancing with her friends in the center of a spacious ball room, she feels like she's trapped in a closet and the walls are closing in around her. She can't breathe. She can't breathe when he's looking at her like that.

She's just about to excuse herself to get a glass of water when the DJ announces it's time for all the single women to gather on to the dance floor to catch the bouquet.

She turns to head back to the table when Kurt practically pounces on her, "Where do you think you're going Barbra?" He calls in a sing song voice.

She looks at him incredulously and then turns to look at Noah for help. Noah is no help at all, only smirking and shouting across the room, "Win Daddy that bouquet baby!" Ugh, surely he didn't act like this when he was her actual boyfriend, did he?

She thinks there is nothing more humiliating in this whole world than having to stand in front of a room full of people, declaring your singledom and be expected to fight your fellow women over a plant, all for the superficial promise of being the next to get married. She hates it. Kurt, however, does not agree with her. He's hopping on his tip toes next to her silently clapping his hands together in anticipation.

"I'll take down a bitch to get this bouquet. You've been warned," he whispers leaning down and moving side to side as if he's preparing for a sporting event.

Carole begins dancing around and waving the bouquet in the air as Beyonce's "Single Ladies" booms through the speakers. Rachel finds herself smiling at the pure joy radiating from Carole and she wants, so badly, to experience that joy one day for herself.

The crowd counts down and Carole hurls the flowers in the air as Rachel watches with wide eyed amusement the chaos that ensues around her. Kurt flies by her, _literally_, perfectly parallel to the ground before he lands flat on the floor in an attempt to catch the bouquet...that sails perfectly past him and right into Rachel's hands. She almost drops the offending flowers in surprise because she honestly was not even trying to catch them. She looks up to see Noah and Finn, standing next to each other oddly enough, each eying her with an amused smirk.

She bows her head shyly under their shared gaze and quickly exits the dance floor with Kurt when the DJ calls time for the garter toss. She pats Noah playfully on the rear when he doesn't move, "Oh honey, if I had to do the bouquet toss, you have to do this." He grumbles something under his breath, but joins the rest of the single men out on the dance floor.

Some awful eighties song starts blasting through the speakers while Burt dances around Carole in an admittedly adorable fashion. She sees Finn's ears go red as Burt reaches under Carole's skirt to retrieve the garter. She's so busy berating herself mentally for paying that close of attention to Finn that she doesn't even realize that he's caught the garter until the DJ starts calling her back out to the dance floor.

"Go," Kurt urges as he greedily takes the bouquet from her.

"What? Go where?" She asks confused.

"You caught the bouquet Rachel. Tradition says you have to dance with the man who catches the garter."

"What?! I will do no such thing!"

"If you didn't want to dance then you shouldn't have stolen my bouquet missy!" He huffs, placing his hands on his hips.

"It just came to me, I didn't even try!" She hisses.

"All the more reason this dance is obviously meant to be."

"Kurt..."

"Rachel do you really want to upset Carole on her wedding day? Refuse to dance with her only son?"

"You don't play fair...Fine! But I'm only doing this for Carole!" She huffs as she stomps onto the dance floor.

"I'm only doing this to make your mother happy," she snaps when she gets to Finn.

He smirks at her before placing his hands on her waist, "Fair enough."

It's silent as they sway awkwardly, everyone watching their every move. She's never wanted to turn and run out of a room more in her life, and if you knew teenage Rachel Berry, that's really saying something.

"I've..." he starts, clearing his throat, "I've really missed you Rachel."

She nearly bites her tongue in half to keep herself from saying anything in response. She avoids eye contact as well and he sighs as he watches a million emotions cross her face without her even saying a word.

"The silent treatment, huh? I guess I kinda deserve that."

"Ya think?" She snorts sarcastically.

"Rachel, I just want to talk to you."

"That's funny Finn, because as I remember it, there was a day when I really wanted to talk to you and you said, 'I can't right now Rach'. Do you remember that?"

"I do."

"Do you remember what happened after that Finn?"

He's silent as his amber eyes bore into her chocolate ones, both pairs swirling with years of pent up emotions.

"You seem to have forgotten so let me remind you. You then turned around and left. You didn't say _anything _Finn, you didn't say goodbye. You just disappeared from my life. And I had to hear from _other people _that you joined the army. _The army Finn. _You were my best friend and I didn't even know you had plans to leave town, let alone join the army."

"Rachel I-"

"I just really...Finn, it's been six years. I haven't heard from you once. I'm just really not interested in what you have to say."

"Do you love him?"

"Excuse me?"

"Puck. Do you love him?"

"I don't see how that is any of your business."

Their song has stopped at this point, a new one playing as other couples join them on the floor. They continue swaying to the beat, too lost in conversation to notice that their dance is over.

"I'm staying Rach. I just finished my last tour of duty. And I'm going to fix things...with you."

"You-you're staying? Here? In New York?"

"Yeah. I already have everything in place for my new job and I'm gonna crash with Kurt and Blaine for a little bit until I find my own place."

She closes her eyes tightly, trying to figure out what this means for her...for her emotional stability and her sanity. She can't think over the pounding of her own heart though and she wants to scream at this man for all the pain he's caused her.

"Finn I can't, I don't...I don't even know what to say to that."

"You were my best friend too you know? I want that back," he admits softly.

"Oh please Finn, I was your _secret _best friend. The weird choir freak that you hung out with only when it was convenient for _you _or beneficial to _you_. And I...I was so hopelessly in love with you that I allowed you to treat me that way. I don't want that back Finn."

They've stopped moving now, dropped their hands from one another to simply stand, staring at each other in the middle of the dance floor. Finn swallows loudly, but before he can defend himself she cuts in, "I'm a different person now Finn. I've grown up and you...you don't have that power over me anymore. I won't let you."

She turns on her heel then and walks as fast as she possibly can out the door. Noah finds her outside, sitting on the ground against his car.

"I got your bag," he says lamely, holding up her clutch for her to see.

"Thanks," she replies, emotionless, "can we go home now?"

"Yeah, we can go home."

The entire ride home is silent, Noah expects as much though. When they arrive home Rachel walks straight into her room and closes the door. She hears Noah moving around in the bathroom, getting ready for bed before she hears the familiar padding of his feet down the hall, and finally the clicking of his bedroom door shut.

She strips her dress off and kicks off her shoes, standing in front of her mirror and staring at herself. She's damaged goods. She has so much emotional baggage, no wonder it never works out with anyone. Who would love her?

She stands there, saying these things to herself in her head before she realizes she's standing in Noah's door way, clad only in her bra and panties.

"Rachel?" He asks, clicking on the lamp on his bed side table.

"Make love to me Noah."

"I don't think that's a good idea Rachel," he says gently as he kicks his covers off and moves to stand next to his bed.

"Please Noah, I need you. Please make love to me," she whispers.

"Not tonight."

"Why are you making this into a big deal?"

"Rachel, don't you think-"

"Why won't you just fuck me?!" She yells in frustration. It's not him she's mad at, but she has no one else besides herself to take her frustration out on, so he's her lucky victim.

"Because you asked me to make love to you Rachel and that's something we both know we can't do for each other, not anymore."

"Oh when did you become such a girl?" She spits, "You said you wanted desparate, slutty wedding sex well HELLO, here it is." She's waving her hands around wildly and if he didn't know any better, he'd think she was drunk.

"I know you're upset about Finn," she glares at him when he says his name, "but Rachel you've been running away from whatever happened between the two of you ever since I met you. You _need _to talk about this with someone."

She sits on the edge of his bed and slumps her shoulders in defeat. She knows he's right, if she's learned anything this past few years it's that sex definitely does not solve your problems. She just wanted to feel desired and powerful for a little bit, the opposite of how her memories of Finn make her feel.

She's silent as she stares at her bare feet, but she knows he's waiting for her to talk...to open up to him, but she's scared. She's still so angry and she fears she's about to lash out on Noah for the pain another man has caused her. She hears the words hanging in the air before she even realizes she's the one who said them.

"You wouldn't have noticed me," she whispers.

"What?"

"In high school. You wouldn't have noticed me," she says a little louder, still staring at her feet.

"Yes I would have."

"No you wouldn't have!" She shouts, looking up to see him jump a little at the change in her demeanor. She stands and throws her hands up in frustration, "I was a freak, a nobody! I wore penny loafers with knee socks and sweaters with owls on them! I was a tutor and captain of the glee club. Guys like you didn't notice girls like me."

"Rachel-"

"Girls like me, we don't exist to guys like you. Only when you want us to. We only exist to do your homework for you. To stroke your ego for you when you're feeling down. To-to teach you how to slow dance so when you get crowned Prom King you don't trip and fall on your face in front of the entire senior class who worships the ground you walk on." She's still yelling and Noah is watching her with wide eyes, taken aback by the influx of information he's getting. She's never let him know anything about her life as a teenager.

She laughs a little, a small, humorless laugh as a tear falls down her face. "It doesn't even occur to a guy like you to ask a girl like me to prom, even after I'm the one who teaches you how to dance. You ask the blonde cheerleader instead, the queen to your king and it doesn't even once occur to you that I'm sitting at home all alone on prom night, because I had no one to go with." She's openly crying now, feeling like a fool as she reveals a part of her past. Feeling like a fool for standing in the middle of Noah's room crying, still in her underwear.

"And he still doesn't get it," she whispers through her tears.

"Rachel," Noah breathes as he stands beside her and places a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"You know what the absolute worst part of all of this is? The part that makes me hate myself the most?"

He's silent as he waits for her to answer.

"The worst part is the way that I still love him."

She says the last part so quietly that he would have completely missed it had he not been so engrossed in everything she was saying.

He doesn't answer, not with words. He simply moves to get her one of his large NYFD t-shirts and pulls it on over her head. He silently pulls his covers back and helps her in, curling himself around her and clicking off the light.

They lay together silently before he whispers, "You're wrong you know. I would have noticed you."

One last tear escapes down her face as she clenches her eyes closed and whispers thank you into the darkness.

* * *

_**Any Grey's fans recognize what scene Puck and Rachel's last convo was inspired by? I watched a rerun the other day and immediately knew a Puckleberry version of that scene would be perfect for this story :)**_


	2. Wanted you More

**A/N: You guys rock! Thank you so much for all the love :)**

**By the way, Kurt works at VOGUE DOT COM. I forgot you couldn't put the actual dot or it won't show up. Sorry for that weird sentence!**

**Shout out to my guest reviewer for recognizing the Bailey/Shepherd scene that inspired Rachel's rant! Also to DanahNYPD for pointing out the Callie/Mark-ness of Puckleberry's relationship. It wasn't intentional but now I'm determined to inject some Mark Sloane quotes into Puck's dialogue! (There's a McSteamy-ish moment at the end of this chapter) :)**

**There are a few P-bombs in this one. Heads up to my more sensitive readers. My apologies on behalf of Noah Puckerman! **

**Quote and chapter title from Lady Antebellum's "Wanted you More"**

* * *

_I kept waiting on a reason_

_And a call that never came_

_No, I never saw it coming_

_Something in you must have changed_

She wakes up alone in Noah's bed to the most heavenly scent filtering in from the kitchen. She rubs her eyes, swollen from the tears of last night and stretches before jumping up and following her nose straight to the delicious source.

She sees Noah, clad only in his Super Mario Bros boxers, standing in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee.

"Morning," she says weakly.

He smiles as he hands her the mug of coffee and a plate piled high with bacon and two cinnamon rolls. It's kind of their thing. When one of them has a particularly bad night, the other always makes it a point to have their favorite breakfast ready for them when they wake up. Rachel loves Noah's homemade cinnamon rolls (his mom's recipe and one of the only things he can successfully cook), while Noah prefers Rachel's red velvet pancakes. They both agree on one thing though, extra crispy bacon! Rachel likes to joke that it's one of the things about Noah that made her want to date him initially, finding another Jew with a secret love of bacon.

"Thank you, this smells amazing," she beams as she takes a very unladylike gulp of coffee.

"You're welcome Sleeping Beauty, I take it you didn't have the time to check a mirror before coming out here?" He jokes as she narrows her eyes at him and reaches up to comb her fingers through her hair.

"Leave me alone I had a rough night," she whines.

"Speaking of-"

She cuts him off immediately, "Hey, can we do that thing we do where we don't talk about what I said or did when I snuck into your room in the middle of the night?"

He smirks a little at her, most likely remembering a time she's snuck into his room that ended in them both naked and _not _crying, before looking at her seriously. "Okay, if that's what you really want..."

"It really, really is."

"Alright well then I'm gonna go get dressed and head out."

"Where are you going, it's Sunday morning?"

"I gotta run a couple of errands and I'm gonna stop by my Nana's to have lunch with her. Oh yeah and I need to find where that Finn Hudson douche is and kick the living shit outta his sorry ass. Shouldn't take too long though Princess."

"Noah Puckerman! You cannot fight him!"

"I sure as hell can Princess and I'm gonna. You might wanna pretend you didn't say what you said to me last night, but I heard it. You may still be too blinded by your love for him or whatever bullshit chick excuse you're gonna try to give me, but I'm not. Someone's gotta stand up for you!"

"Noah-"

"I'm serious Rachel! You're like my little sister. No, wait, shit that's not right or else I'm really _really _fucked up in my head. You're like...you're...you're my fucking Rachel, okay? And I'm not gonna let this dude get away with treating you like garbage!"

"Noah I'm sorry I got emotional last ni-"

"Tell me what he said to you when you were dancing."

She looks at him, studying the way he's looking at her, before swallowing her mouthful of bacon and sighing heavily. She knows he's only doing this out of love, but she also knows Noah can get completely out of control when he lets his anger steer his decisions. She appreciates him always looking out for her, but she can handle Finn herself. It's the only way to fix this.

"He said that he misses me and that he wants to make things right between us..."

"Annnnd...?"

"And that he's finished with the army and he's staying here...in New York."

Noah opens his mouth to say something, but she cuts him off.

"I can handle him Noah, I have to. The second I feel like I need help, you'll be the first person I call. I promise. This is something I need to do on my own. I'm asking you to please trust me."

He squeezes his eyes shut for a second, his nostrils flaring. She knows he's trying to calm himself down.

"I don't want you to get hurt again Rachel, not anymore than you already are. Please be smart."

"He's not...he's not a _bad _guy Noah. He was always sweet, a-and funny and almost all of my fond memories of high school are because of him. He just...I don't know, lost his way? Made some bad decisions..."

"You know, I would tell you not to defend him, but I'm still pretty fucking confused about whatever fucked up relationship y'all had so, just...just be careful please. I'm gonna be watching this dude closely and I _will _kill him if he hurts you again."

"I wasn't defending him, I was just telling you he's not a horrible person...most of the time. But thank you, seriously...for everything," she smiles gently as he nods at her and turns towards his room. She sighs again as she looks down at her plate. She has absolutely no idea how she's going to deal with Finn, but she knows it's unavoidable. She can only pray she doesn't end up getting hurt worse than she already is.

* * *

Noah really does leave the house for the day, running errands and visiting his beloved Nana. Ordinarily she would love having the house to herself, but the time is creeping by excruciatingly slow today and her mind is working overtime to try and defeat her. He's here...he's in her city and that's all she can think about. What is he doing right now? Who is he with? Is he genuinely sorry? Does he really want to be her friend? Does he want to date her or does he have a girlfriend? Oh no, what if he has a girlfriend? A Quinn clone. She definitely won't be able to handle that.

But what if he's single? Should she forgive him and accept him back into her life? She'd be lying if she said she wasn't lonely and she knows it's only a matter of time before Noah finds someone he wants to date for longer than a week. How will she survive the lonely nights without him? Will she even have lonely nights anymore now that Finn's back? Ugh! There's so many questions and she almost screams out loud when she throws herself off the couch in frustration.

She decides to go for a run, burn off the calories from the monster breakfast she had this morning. Running always helps her clear her head. Not this time.

She showers, exfoliates, gives herself a pedicure, even waxes her eyebrows and yet when she's finished, it's still Sunday afternoon. She's still home alone and her mind is still going crazy. By the time she's taken her fourth batch of her famous sugar cookies out of the oven she gives up.

She goes to her room and turns on some soft music. Noah has always made fun of her for her mild scrapbooking obsession, but times like these make her happy she keeps up with it. She pulls out her scrapbooking tub from her closet and opens the first book on top. It's a book of her and Noah, ranging from when they were dating to recent times as best friends.

She smiles brightly when she sees a picture of him at the bar they met at, Callbacks. They had just become exclusive and he'd gotten up on stage on open mic night, guitar in hand, to serenade her with "Sweet Caroline." She'd always had fantasies in high school about Finn serenading her, though she's never actually heard him sing. She imagines he's good at it. So Noah singing for her right off the bat really sealed the deal for her.

She giggles at a shot of her and his younger brother Jake at Jake's senior prom. His girlfriend Kitty had dumped him the day before prom, so she stepped in and saved the day after accidentally walking in on Jake literally crying to Noah about it. It was surprisingly fun (she did miss her own prom after all) and Noah definitely made it up to her.

She unleashes a full belly laugh when she comes across shots of him and some of the guys from the station dressed head to toe in KISS gear from last Halloween. They were a riot and Noah owned his Gene Simmons persona; he wouldn't keep his tongue in his mouth that night for anything.

She sits that book aside and picks up the one underneath it. It's all pictures from high school and her heart rate picks up a little bit when she looks at the old version of herself staring up at her from the pages. Why did her fathers let her dress like that? They must have hoped it would repel the boys...which it did...mostly.

There are pictures from glee club and she smiles fondly at the faces of Mercedes Jones and Tina Cohen-Chang. She wonders what those girls are up to now. There are a few snaps of her and Artie Abrams, the only boyfriend she had in school. It was short-lived, but he was a sweet, smart boy in a wheel chair and he was her first kiss...her only kiss for a long time. She was already infatuated with Finn at that point so naturally it didn't work out. Seems to be a running theme in her life.

She has to close the book once she lays her eyes on her favorite picture of Finn. He's standing in an empty hallway at school, smiling at her and wearing his trademark jeans and bright red Letterman's jacket. She loved that jacket. He forgot it at her house once after one of their tutoring sessions and she slept the whole night cocooned in its warmth. The lingering scent of Finn created all kinds of fantastical dreams in her head that night.

He looks every bit like the quintessential All American football player in the picture. He looks like a model. If America needed to make a pamphlet to try to get people to come visit, all they'd have to do is put that picture on the cover. "Come to America, look what we've got!" People would come flocking.

She remembers having that picture in a frame that she would only keep out when she knew no one (especially him) would be coming in her room. She was a goner from the very beginning; there was really never any hope for her when it came to Finn Hudson, was there?

She turns to place the book back in the tub and eyes the book beneath it thoughtfully. Should she? No, definitely not. Not today. Today is not one of those days, she won't do that to herself when she's already so messed up over Finn's reappearance.

She decides to spend the rest of the day in bed, having found a Barbra Streisand movie marathon on one of the million movie channels they have. (Sometimes the ridiculous cable package Noah insists on having comes in handy). She falls asleep eventually, Barbra in the background singing songs about loving her man. Once again her subconscious is too weak to fight, and as soon as sleep hits, she finds herself face to face with Finn Hudson.

* * *

Monday passes uneventfully at school until she gets a text from Kurt inviting her over for dinner that night. He wants to talk about her graduation party and the audition she has lined up next week. She wants to say yes, of course, but she has to know if Finn's going to be there. Kurt assures her that he will be out of the house, so she makes plans to be there by seven-thirty with Noah in tow, if he gets off in time.

She eyes her watch as she's riding the subway home and decides to go ahead and shoot Noah a text.

**Dinner with K & B tonight at 7:30. Will you be home in time?**

**Yeah I'll be there. Interesting day. Can't wait to tell you about it.**

**Good or bad?**

**Depends on how you look at it, probably bad. Be home in an hour.**

She spends every second of her time from the moment she walks in the door to the moment Noah arrives home, getting ready. She knows Kurt told her Finn won't be home, but he lives there, for now, and you just never know. She wants to look her best, just in case.

Noah whistles appreciatively at her when she walks into the living room, "Why all dolled up Princess? You know fuck face isn't gonna be there right?"

"I'm assuming you mean Finn," he shakes his head as if it should be obvious, "but how do you even know that?"

"Because he's at the station right now with Chief Evans."

"Oh, is he friends with Sam?"

"I'll give you a second," Noah smirks as he watches realization dawn on her face.

"He's a firefighter now?" She bites her lip as an image of Finn in a firemen's suit flashes in her head.

"No! Bad Rachel! I know that face!" Noah cries as he swats at her hand. Damn him for being able to read her like a book. And damn Finn for making her forget her anger in less than a second thanks to a damn firemen's suit. Being as sexually attracted to someone as you are angry with them can wreak havoc on a girl's psyche!

"We work together now Princess! This is gonna be really fucking awkward! Plus he still thinks I'm your boyfriend!" Noah continues, breaking through her inner dialogue.

"Okay, okay, give me a second to think! Did you talk to him at all?"

"No, uhm not directly..."

"Noah Puckerman I know _that _face too! What did you say?"

"I, uhm, well I acted like I didn't see him and when I headed in to tell Evans I was leaving I _may _have said that I was heading out to go fuck the brains out of my girl for the rest of the night."

"Oh my Gosh Noah," she face palms before laughing a little. "I guess he deserves to think that though. You could have done worse."

"You're welcome, but we still got a problem."

"We do?"

"Uh, yeah. Pretending to be your boyfriend at the wedding was fun and all but I'm not down to do that _every day_. You're veering into dangerous territory."

She raises her eyebrow at him, "Dangerous territory?"

"Yeah! Unless you're willing to start giving it up on a regular basis again, playing your boyfriend is gonna seriously get in the way of my pussy game. Having people think I'm balls deep all the time and actually _being _balls deep are two different things."

"Noah Puckerman what did you just say to me?!"

"Oh don't try to play the prude card on me now Princess, you're about five years too late for that one!"

"You're unbelievable!" She exhales in frustration, "Listen, I'm too hungry to think about this right now. I'll figure something out, I promise. For now though IF he shows up at any point tonight, _you are my boyfriend."_

"You owe me for this you know..." he shouts as she heads for the door without him, catching up to her just in time to pat her on the ass and add a sarcastic, "baby."

* * *

She doesn't know what she was so nervous about. Finn is nowhere to be found, just as Kurt had promised. It's just dinner with her three favorite boys, and she always enjoys that.

They discuss her graduation party, that she's sure Kurt will make ridiculously over the top (especially since no one will tell her where it's being held) and talk excitedly about her upcoming audition for the Broadway revival of Funny Girl. Her father's had made her promise to not go on any auditions before graduation, they were adamant about her receiving her full education before devoting any non-school related time to her chosen profession. Because of that, she can't help but feel like this is meant to be. What are the odds that Funny Girl would begin auditions the month she's graduating? It's her role and she knows it. She can feel it in her bones. The boys agree.

She's happy, smiling as she munches on Kurt's famous eggplant parmesan when she hears the front door open. They all four turn to see a very surprised and uncomfortable looking Finn standing in the entry way.

"You said he wouldn't be here," Rachel hisses to Kurt across the table. She hears her phone beeping every few seconds but she's too distracted by Finn's sudden appearance to care.

"I-I'm sorry. We finished early," Finn stutters, obviously _so _uncomfortable at interrupting a dinner he wasn't meant to be present for. She watches him, shifting awkwardly under their stares and curses herself for, once again, becoming distracted by his good looks. He's wearing a snug fitting grey Henley and dark wash jeans and he just looks so much more put together than high school Finn. Did someone give him a makeover? A girl? His girlfriend?

"Rachel for the love of Barbra could you check your phone!" Kurt cries exasperated. He'd apparently been asking her to do so repeatedly, but she hadn't noticed, having been too busy checking out Finn.

Her cheeks flame as she looks down at her phone, but she doesn't miss the way Finn smirks just a little at her being caught.

She opens her phone to see six consecutive messages from Puck, who's still sitting right next to her.

**I'm gonna jet, Santana just text me**

**Is that cool? He's not even here**

**Dammit why is Fuck Face here?**

**Rachel I'm leaving remember the Pussy Game**

**REMEMBER THE PUSSY GAME!**

**PUSSY GAME!**

She grunts a little in frustration as she hears Finn saying to Kurt, "I'll just go back to my room man, it's no big deal." She forgets Noah's texts as she sees Finn eyeing the large bowl of pasta and garlic bread longingly as he walks by.

She doesn't want him to stay, but she feels bad. If there's anything about Finn she's sure is still the same, it's his appetite. And she knows how it feels to not be wanted somewhere and she hates to make someone else feel that way. She ignores the way her phone continues beeping repeatedly and sighs loudly, "Finn wait."

His head snaps up at the sound of her voice, but he doesn't push his luck, he simply waits for what she has to say.

"You can stay. You don't have to leave, you know, if you're hungry."

"You're sure?"

"Yes...I'm sure."

He smiles the most beautiful smile at her that she's ever seen and she nearly swoons herself right out of her chair before Noah literally snaps her back to reality back by snapping his fingers loudly in her face. She remembers again why she hates Finn...and also why she's not dating Noah anymore.

"What?" She hisses as she turns to Noah.

"Why don't you check your messages sweetheart, so your phone will shut up. That's awfully rude for the rest of the table don't you think?" he says through gritted teeth, urging her to read her texts.

She rolls her eyes as she look down to see at least twenty new messages, all from Noah. All just one word: **PUSSY**.

"STOP TEXTING ME THE WORD PUSSY!" Rachel cries as she slams her phone down on the table.

She realizes what she's done as soon as the words leave her mouth, looking up to see four sets of wide eyes all watching her with mixed expressions. Kurt and Blaine look like they're dying to laugh and Finn, well she refuses to even look at Finn, turning instead to Noah who's grinning at her like the Cheshire Cat.

"Say pussy again baby," he smirks.

Oh he is unbelievable!

She turns to the other three men, all watching them with amused expressions, "Please excuse us, I need to talk to Noah in private."

"I bet you do," Blaine snorts under his breath.

She grabs Noah by the ear and drags him into the bathroom down the hall.

"What the hell are you doing?!" She hisses.

"Trying to get laid! Seriously Rachel pleeeease I really want to go, it's _Santana_!"

"I thought she was a lesbian?"

"Minor technicality. Besides, El Puckerone does not discriminate. Shame on you, I thought you have two gay dads."

"How did I ever date you?" She grumbles, shaking her head.

"You don't have to be embarrassed Princess. The Puckster is irresistible to all lady types, even those of the lesbian variety," he chuckles, "but seriously, if I leave will you be okay? If you really need me...I mean _REALLY like life or death _need me, I'll stay."

"I'll survive," she groans, "I have to face him without you eventually, may as well do it now."

"That's my girl," he grins. "Now come tell me goodbye like good girlfriends do."

They fabricate some story to tell the guys about Noah having to go help his Nana with some emergency and she can feel Finn's eyes on her as she walks Noah to the door.

"Don't worry baby, I'll be home in time to sink the pink at least two more times before bed," he says just loud enough for the guys at the table to hear before leaning down and giving her a big, long, wet kiss. Noah is a good kisser. An amazing kisser even, but this is not his usual kiss. He's doing this on purpose and she just might kill him when he comes home later.

She pulls back finally, wiping her mouth a little with the back of her hand before he slaps her on the ass and leaves. She has to take a moment to exhale and swallow down her embarrassment before turning back towards the table, hoping her cheeks aren't flaming red.

It's silent...awkwardly silent as she picks up her fork to resume eating. Finally Kurt blurts out, "I can't believe you're back together with him. The sex must just be explosive!"

Finn chokes on the drink of water he was taking before clearing his throat, "Back together?"

"Oh yeah they break up but still sleep together. One day they're making each other friendship bracelets and the next you can't sleep because of the sounds they're making in the next room. I don't know, I've never understood their relationship. I gave up trying."

Her jaw drops and her cheeks flame at his description of her and Noah's relationship. Is that how people see them? She really needs to get herself a proper boyfriend. Blaine shrugs and nods in agreement when Finn looks to him.

"Oh, I thought you guys had just been together for a while. That seems...well it doesn't seem like a relationship you would be a part of," Finn says quietly, looking her right in the eyes.

"Aw yes ladies and gentlemen, Finn Hudson, expert on all things love, sex and Rachel Berry," she replies sarcastically.

"Rachel..."

"Speaking of all things love and sex, how's Quinn doing? Did _she _get a goodbye before you left?"

She sees Kurt and Blaine look at each other, fidgeting in their seats and probably trying to decide how to escape this awkwardness.

"No, Quinn got a big fat 'fuck you' from me before I left. Haven't seen or heard from her since. Don't care to," Finn admits, dropping his fork and staring right at Rachel.

Rachel's heart starts beating at least three times faster than it should at this information. She never knew what happened with Finn and Quinn, for all she knew they could have still been together. She has at least one million new questions to ask him now, but instead of making a fool of herself, she keeps her face expressionless, "Well lucky her, that was more of a goodbye than I got."

The air around the table is tense and Rachel doesn't know how to escape it. She feels bad for putting Kurt and Blaine in this position, but there's nothing she can do about it now.

"Uhm, we're going to go do the dishes!" Blaine shouts as Kurt quickly jumps up with him in agreement.

"No, no," Rachel stops them, "you guys cooked. You can go relax in the living room. I'll clean up."

"Are you sure honey?" Kurt asks, not wanting to leave the clean up to her, but desperately wanting to escape the awkwardness present in the dining room.

"I'm positive. I'll probably excuse myself after that. Thank you for everything, it was delicious."

The couple smile and thank her before retiring to their bedroom. They must be scared there will be more tension between she and Finn and just want to steer clear of them completely. She can't say that she blames them, it's probably a good idea.

She begins picking up all the plates and carrying them into the kitchen. He's standing there, leaning against the kitchen island eating some of the cookies she brought over. She let's him stand there until the silence becomes overwhelming and she has to say something. Just as she opens her mouth to speak, he beats her to it.

"These taste exactly the same, amazing. They've always been my favorite."

"If you aren't going to help you can leave," she snaps, ignoring his compliment to her cookies, "do something useful instead of just eating."

"Rachel-"

"Oh wait I know! How about you say you're going to help but then leave instead. Leave poor, pitiful, little Rachel all alone to wait and wait for you to come back and help! You're _really _good at that."

"I deserve all of this. I know I do. I just wish you would actually sit down and talk to me...there's two sides to every story you know."

She's silent as she ignores him and scrubs the dishes, him coming beside her to dry them and put them up in their proper place. They finish their task in silence and it isn't until she's wiping down the counters that she feels him standing directly behind her.

She has to close her eyes and place both hands on the counter in front of her to steady herself. She never was good at thinking clearly when he's this close to her. Seems some things never change. She will not, she _refuses _to let him back in just because his mere presence turns her knees to jelly. She's cried for years because of him. He has to pay for this.

"Are you happy?" He whispers.

"What do you mean?" She's still standing with her back to him, hands steadying herself on the counter.

He remains behind her, close enough that his breath on her skin is giving her chills, but not close enough to actually touch.

"With Puck. Are you happy with Puck?"

"Noah is...Noah is the best friend I've ever had. He's picked me up when no one else knew how or cared to know how at least. I know he's a bit...out there. But he loves me. He does. He takes care of me Finn."

"I hate him Rachel. I hate that he's by your side all the time, taking care of you, making you laugh...loving you. I want that to be me, more than anything. I know I had my chance and I messed it up, but I'm asking for another one." They're both silent as his words hang in the air, "But...but if you tell me you're happy, if you're really happy with him, I won't mess that up. I won't do that to you."

He's whispering again and she's painfully aware of how easy it would be to just turn around and kiss him. He's so close behind her. How long has she been dreaming of kissing him again?

She inhales one last time, searching for the inner strength she knows is in there somewhere, Noah's words from the wedding ringing in her head, "Remember who you are."

She pushes back off the counter and steps a comfortable distance from Finn before turning and looking at him, "Well he doesn't make love to me and then ignore me. He doesn't whisper promises of love to me and then act as if I don't exist. He always comes back for more. Always comes back for me. _ALWAYS_. So yeah, I'd say I'm happy."

"That's not what I meant..." Finn whispers, looking down to the floor.

"Oh. I'm sorry," she says sarcastically, "were you wondering if he makes me happy after he takes my virginity and promises to break up with his girlfriend the next day, then instead_ enlists in the army? _I'm sorry but I guess we'll never know the answer to that one since, well as you know, I gave my virginity to _you_."

"Rachel," he's looking at her with such sadness in his eyes that she thinks she might actually throw up. The lump in her throat is growing larger by the second; the tears dancing just behind her eyelids.

"No Finn! I gave you everything I had to give under the false pretense that you loved me! That you wanted to be with me. In hindsight I suppose I should have known better, but you made it seem so real. You made me believe someone like you could actually love someone like me. It might not have meant anything to you Finn, but it meant something to me." She has to stop talking as the tears openly stream down her face. She hasn't spoken out loud about this ever and it's like she's experiencing it all over again. "You didn't...you didn't even write me. You say there's two sides to every story...you had six years to explain yours. Something, anything besides what I got...absolute silence. I was all alone Finn. All alone. You're too late." She's whispering through her tears as she chokes out the last part of her sentence.

His heartbreak is written all over his face, but she can't handle any more of him tonight. She has to get out of here. She practically runs out of the front door, not stopping until she sees an open cab on the side of the street, jumping in and shutting the door to Finn's voice calling her name from down the street.

* * *

She's half way through her bottle of wine by the time Noah gets home. She's wearing her most comfortable pair of boy shorts with his t-shirt from the other night, her hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun.

Noah for his part, looks absolutely relaxed and rejuvenated. She wrinkles her nose at him in disgust. She doesn't even want to know.

"What are you doing home?" She asks, concentrating really hard on enunciating every word.

"Lady Hunmel called and told me you may have had a fight with Finn in the kitchen and that chances are you're not in very good shape. I see he was right."

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself," she scoffs.

"You know you're staring at a tv that's turned off right?"

"As a matter of fact I do."

"Alright Princess, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna go shower real quick and when I get out, we can have one of those movie nights you love so much. I'll even let you pick."

Ordinarily this news would make her jump up and down for joy, but she's been re-watching her one special night with Finn over and over again in her mind's eye since her first sip of wine. She's exhausted. He's trying though and she loves him for that, so she smiles weakly and whispers, "Thank you."

He showers in record time and plops down next to her on the couch wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs. She never thought much of this habit when they were dating, but has made several comments to him about it since. He doesn't seem to care. It's how he likes to be comfortable in his own home, so she finally accepted it.

"Movie?" He smiles.

"You can pick one if you want."

"You can pick one if you want? YOU CAN PICK ONE IF YOU WANT?!"

She looks at him over her glass of wine, startled.

"You NEVER let me pick without a fight. It's truth time Rachel, no more excuses. Let's talk." He reaches over and snatches the wine glass out of her hand, setting it down on the coffee table.

She just eyes him blankly, unsure of what to say.

"Finn," Noah simply says, "tell me about you and Finn."

"Noah..."

"No Rachel, you've been my best friend for what, like four or five years now? You know everything about me. _Everything_. How is it that I don't even know the story of the guy who broke your heart? The one you're _obviously _still not over?"

He's looking at her with such concern, so genuine, and she knows she needs to tell him.

"I'm sorry Noah, it's just...it's embarassing to me and I always thought that if I didn't talk about it, it would all just kind of, I don't know...disappear?"

He nods his head at her, signaling that he understands but that he wants her to continue.

"Okay. Long story short, he was the quarterback, all that big man on campus BS, if you will, and I was a social reject. I fell in love with him the first moment I saw him walking down the hall. It was instantaneous, I didn't even know his name yet. He had a girlfriend, the head cheerleader naturally, but he was always nice enough to me. He helped me a couple times when I was being bullied, which as you can imagine, only made me fall more in love with him."

She pauses then, eyeing her glass of wine on the table. Noah laughs a little, "You can take a sip Princess." She smiles at him gratefully before polishing off the glass and setting it back down.

"Anyway I got assigned to be his tutor during our senior year, so we started spending a lot of time together outside of school. We just really...clicked and we bonded...we got along so great and I-I just really thought that meant things would change IN school too."

"But they didn't?"

"No, not at all. I mean, he would smile and wave to me sometimes...he wasn't a complete asshole to me or anything, he just still stayed kind of distant. But during our tutoring sessions we had so much fun and we'd talk about anything and everything. I knew his grades were improving, but he kept scheduling more sessions I knew he didn't need. It made me think he might possibly like me too. The closer it got to the end of the year, the more I convinced myself I was right..." She pauses for a moment, taking a breath as Noah empties the rest of the wine bottle into her glass. "One night not long after I gave him dancing lessons for prom he came over...he uhm, he was acting different. I can't explain it, but uhm anyways, he told me that he had fallen in love with me and that he was going to break up with his girlfriend to be with me. Then we...we had sex...a few times."

"And you were a virgin weren't you?"

"Yes..."

"So I'm taking it he didn't break up with his girlfriend?"

"I've never gotten the full story on that I guess. He said some strange things about her earlier after you left, so I don't really know. I just know that he didn't break up with her before graduation like he said he would. We had like a month of school left after that night and he avoided me at all costs, ignored my calls, my messages. Went out of his way to avoid me. I finally cornered him at graduation, told him I wanted to talk to him, but he just said he couldn't and ran away from me."

"And that was it?"

"Yeah...Well, not really but-"

Her sentence is cut off by a rapid beating on their front door. She looks at Noah, but he just shrugs his shoulders to signify that he is not expecting anyone.

"Can you get that? I'm gonna go drain the snake and get myself a drink. You're making me thirsty."

She frowns at him, tossing back the rest of her wine before heading to open the front door without looking out of the peep-hole first. What she finds behind the door makes her heart stop.

"You're wrong," Finn whispers, looking at her standing before him in nothing but a t-shirt. A t-shirt that is obviously Noah's.

"I'm wrong?" She breathes, nearly speechless from the look on his face.

"Youre wrong. That night, our night together, it didn't mean nothing to me. It meant _everything_." He pauses as she's staring at him with wide eyes, her mouth falling open in shock. "I did write you, you know. I have a box full of letters under my bed...six years worth of letters, all addressed to Rachel Berry."

"Why didn't you send them?" She whispers.

"I tried," he says defeated, head dropping to look at his shoes. "Everything I sent to your dad's came back to me unopened and well, Kurt told me you asked him not to give me your New York address. I- I didn't want to bother you if you didn't want me to. Writing them though, even if I didn't send them, made me feel close to you somehow."

She's silent as he looks up at her, eyes swirling with emotion. "I told you that I'd leave you alone if you're happy with him. I'll respect your relationship I swear. But if you give me the tiniest sign that you want me to fight for you, I'm ready. I'm not going anywhere. That night meant everything to me Rachel. It's the only thing that's gotten me through these past six years. Not a day or a night has gone by when I didn't think of it, think of you. I just want a chance to explain why I did what I did. You're everything to me Rachel, you have to believe that."

"You don't even know me anymore," she whispers weakly.

"Then let me know you."

She tries to speak, she does but when she opens her mouth her voice gets stuck in her throat. She hears footsteps behind her and she squeezes her eyes shut, knowing Noah just walked in.

"Hey I got us another bottle," he says as he stops in his tracks, holding up a fresh bottle of wine.

Finn's eyes snap up and meet Noah's, a frown gracing his beautiful features.

"Well this is awkward," Noah deadpans. He's still in just his boxer briefs, holding a bottle of wine...Rachel still clad in nothing but his t-shirt. She can only imagine how this looks to Finn.

If there's any piece of her heart left to break, the small smile he smiles certainly does the trick. It's a sad smile. A defeated smile. He drops his head as he clears his throat.

"Hey Puck. I was just leaving. I'll see you guys around."

He's gone before Rachel can say anything.

"Rachel?" Noah asks, approaching her slowly, "Please tell me what just happened."

"I...I uhm...I can't. I can't right now," she whispers, not wanting Noah to see the tears streaming down her face. She runs past him to her bedroom and locks the door behind her, leaning against it and trying in vain to catch her breath as the tears take over.

* * *

**Next chapter the ball **_**really **_**gets rolling! Rachel finishes telling her side of the story and we hear some of Finn's (finally!). I have ****big ****things planned for these two! Finn has quite a few tricks up his sleeve! I hope I don't disappoint :)**

**By the way, I have absolutely no idea what it takes for an army vet to become a firefighter, but let's assume Finn's already gotten all of that taken care of without letting anyone know his plans :)**


	3. Guilt-Stricken Sobbin'

**Just FYI, this story is taking place present day, just a month or so behind real time. It's May 2014** **for** **them, making Finn and Rachel high school graduates in 2008! :)**

**This chapter is a tad shorter than the others, but it's CRUCIAL to Finn and Rachel's story. So crucial that I couldn't wait, I had to write it and post it as soon as possible lol. Thank you for putting up with all the Puckleberry, the Finchel gets much heavier next chapter! I like to think it will be well worth it, hopefully you will agree! The next chapter will probably take a little longer to post, if I can create on paper what I see in my head, it will be a doozy!**

**Quote and title from "The Freshmen" by The Verve Pipe.**

* * *

_We tried to wash our hands of all of this_

_We'd never talk of our lacking relationships_

_And how we're guilt-stricken sobbin' with our heads on the floor_

_We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip we'd say..._

_Can't be held responsible..._

She spends the next three days avoiding Noah at all cost. He'd spent the better part of an hour trying to get her to come out of her room and talk to him Monday after Finn left, but she refused. She doesn't want to face him and be forced to talk about what Finn said to her and she definitely doesn't want to finish the sentence Finn's knock interrupted. She's so emotionally conflicted and exhausted over all things Finn related that she doesn't even know if she can physically bring herself to talk about it right now.

Sure she's struggled with her broken heart since the moment it happened, but it was so much easier to pretend, to forget about it for a little bit when no one around her knew. It was easier to keep the sadness at bay until she was alone in bed at night..when she never had to talk about it. Suddenly he's every where and everyone seems to have something to say about him, about them. She's reminded of her heart ache constantly and it's really starting to wear her down.

She even blows off Kurt when he tries to get together, telling him she's putting in extra practice time at school for her audition next week. It's not entirely untrue.

She's yet to figure out what to do about her fake relationship with Noah. If she tells Finn they aren't together, will he take that as a sign she wants him to try and win her back? Does she want him to try and win her back? She's not even sure at this point. Will he be mad? Hurt?

She won't be able to tell him the truth without explaining the actual nature of her and Noah's friendship which she's sure will be a massive undertaking in itself. Will he even understand? She's not sure many people have a friend like the friend she has in Noah.

How many times in her life has Finn succeeded in turning her world completely upside down? This has to be some sort of record. Just last week everything was predictable, she had a routine, she knew what to expect. Now its absolute chaos. She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know what she wants.

It's Friday afternoon, she hasn't spoken more that three words to Noah since Monday when her phone rings, startling her out of her wandering thoughts. She's in a practice room at NYADA, running through her monologue, or trying to at least. She sees that it's Sam calling and she immediately feels sick. Sam is Noah's friend, but he's also the fire chief. He never calls Rachel just to talk, if he's calling, it's not good news.

"Sam?" She answers is a rushed voice.

"Hi Rachel, I'm down here at New York Republic Hospital with Puck, you might want to come down here."

"Oh my God, I'm on my way! What happened? Is he okay? Was he in a fire? Is he dying?" She's already running down the halls to the exit as she's rattling off questions to him.

"Breathe Rachel. He's fine. He's just asking for you. Well, they both are."

"Both?"

"Yeah, Puck and Finn. Look just get down here and we'll get it all sorted out."

He hangs up before she can respond. She doesn't know what this means, so she's silent the whole way to the hospital, picking nervously at the seam of her jeans. Noah and Finn are both in the hospital, both okay, but both asking for her. No good can come of this.

She hasn't heard from Finn since Monday, him obviously taking what he witnessed as Rachel being in a happy relationship with Noah. it makes her sick that that kind of makes her love him even more...the whole being respectful of her wishes and stepping back so she can be happy. (At least what he perceives to be her wishes).

Her stomach is full off butterflies as the cab drops her off at the emergency entrance and she finds herself wondering if one can be hospitalized for extreme butterflies. She may just find out.

She sees Sam immediately, tripping a little on the heels of her boots as she jogs up to him to see what happened.

"I just wanna tell you before you see them that they're both suspended for a week without pay."

"Oh no, what did they do?"

"They got into a fight, right in front of the firehouse. It was ugly, but thankfully Chang saw it start so he and I were able to break it up before anything too bad happened to either of them."

"Oh God," she groans, knowing this fight probably had something to do with her. Probably had _everything_ to do with her.

"Puckerman got it pretty bad, Hudson is kinda a beast. They're back that way," Sam points over his shoulder, "I've got to finish filling out some of this paperwork."

"Thank you Sam," she smiles weakly as she heads around the corner and into a huge room full of beds and emergency patients, each bed separated only by a thin curtain.

She sees them on the far side of the room and her heart stops for two completely different reasons. First because she sees Noah, her sweet Noah, with a huge black eye, an obviously broken nose and a busted lip. Finn, on the bed next to him, is much better off, only having a bit of a black eye and some stitches over his right eyebrow. Sitting there wearing the pants and suspenders to his fire suit, a T-shirt and sporting a shiner, she's pained to admit she's never been so turned on in her whole life. It takes literally all of her will power to remind herself where they are, why they're there and why she still hates Finn.

When she thinks she has herself under control, she exhales loudly and approaches the two obviously disgruntled men.

"RACHEL!" They both yell at the same time before going off on their side of the story at lightening speed. She pinches the bridge of her nose and squeezes her eyes shut in frustration before shouting, "ENOUGH!" More than one person in the room turns to look at her, so she smiles at them sheepishly before turning back to the boys.

"I can't understand either of you when you're talking over each other like that! Slow down and tell me what happened!"

"You gotta tell him the fucking truth Rachel! You gotta tell him or I will. This is bullshit!"

"Tell me the truth about what?" Finn eyes her curiously, heat spreading throughout her body at the intensity of his gaze.

She shakes her head to clear her thoughts and turns to Noah.

"Truth about what? Tell me what happened?"

"Okay _Princess_. I had a special visitor at lunch today, one I wasn't expecting and one that I couldn't say no to." He looks at her waiting for her to catch on.

"Okay?" She says clueless before it hits her, "Oh, Santana? _Ooohhh Santana_..." she breathes as she starts to figure out what Noah's getting at.

"Your boy Finn here saw her kissing me bye and jumped out of the station to go all Frankenstein on my ass!"

"It was not just a good bye kiss, you were practically eating her face right there for everyone to see! I'm sorry Rachel, but I'm not just gonna sit there and watch your boyfriend cheat on you and not do anything about it!" Finn cries, "Fuck that! You deserve so much better than this! Sam and Mike and all those guys might be cool keeping his little secret for him but I'm not! My loyalties lay with you."

"Oh that's rich coming from you fuck face! Where were your loyalties laying when she was crying about you for the past six years!"

Finn's jaw tenses and his eyes shoot to Rachel before looking down.

"Tell him Rachel or I swear..."

"Finn," she says is a small voice. He looks up at her, waiting for her to reveal the truth. "Noah's not, uhm he's not my boyfriend."

"He's not?" He asks with wide eyes.

"Well he was, like four years ago, but we're just best friends now. And roommates."

"But he was in his underwear and, and Kurt said..."

"We have slept together since we broke up, yes, but it's not like how Kurt said, he was just being a drama queen. It's usually, well it's usually just when I'm sad."

"She's sad_ a lot_," Noah quips, sneering at Finn.

"Shut up Noah!" Rachel cries as she reaches up to pull the curtain closed between the two beds, giving them some semblance of privacy."

"What was Monday then?"

"Just a massive misunderstanding."

He looks at her for a moment, brows furrowed in thought. Before he asks the question she knows is coming, "Why? Why did you feel like you had to lie to me like that?"

"Noah is...well Noah is like you were in high school. How you still are, _obviously_. He's handsome and popular and can basically have any girl that he wants," she stops and sighs, looking down at the floor through her embarrassment, "How you left things with us, it...well you made me feel like I wasn't good enough. Like I wasn't desirable. I wanted to show you that I am."

"Rachel, you don't have to make up a fake relationship to convince me you're desirable or good enough. I already know. Trust me."

She smiles a little before the doctor approaches them, effectively ending their conversation. She waits outside for the guys to get released, Finn stopping to stand beside her on the sidewalk as Noah and Sam walk to get their truck.

"So you know what this means now right?"

"What?" She looks up at him in question.

"It means it's time for me to prove to you that I'm worth forgiving. I told you I was ready to fight for you."

She opens her mouth to speak, but once again, nothing comes out. That seems to be happening to her a lot lately.

He grins that beautiful crooked grin she hasn't seen in so long, making her heart palpitate against her chest. "I'm not just some random guy Rach. I don't give up that easy."

When Sam calls his name from down the street, Finn winks at her and breaks into a jog to catch up with him and Noah.

She's breathless as she watches their truck drive off, hailing herself a cab and wondering just what Finn's words mean for her now.

* * *

She doesn't see Finn all weekend or into the new week. Her big audition is Thursday and she's put herself on strict vocal rest, alerting all her friends that she will be unavailable until Thursday evening.. She doesn't leave the apartment and communicates with Noah only via text.

She's about five minutes from leaving for her audition when there's a knock on her door. Noah is at the station, so she swings the door open in a huff, slightly annoyed that her concentration has been broken. She's met by a little Italian man holding a massive arrangement of roses. The most beautiful arrangement she's ever seen, full of roses of every color. She signs for them, placing them on the dining room table and greedily ripping the card open to see who it's from.

She assumes it's from her dads, but when she sees the familiar chicken scratch on the card her breath catches in her throat.

_**Break a leg today Rach. I've known you were a star since the moment I met you, time to show the world what I've always known.**_

_**Love, Finn**_

She beams to herself, reading the card again before sighing deeply and holding it to her chest. It's like she keeps experiencing temporary amnesia and only remembers the sweet, adorable side of Finn...but she always remembers, and it's like sinking to the lowest low right after experiencing the highest high. It's giving her whiplash.

It's a lovely gesture, really, but surely Finn doesn't think this is going to be enough to get back in her good graces. She still doesn't even know why he left and he certainly hasn't heard everything from her that he should. She supposes it's a decent start though, he could have done worse. Much worse.

Despite thinking that he still has a long way to go, she heads to her audition with the tiniest of smiles on her face and a bit of an extra bounce in her step.

* * *

She nails her audition. Absolutely slays it, if she does say so herself. They couldn't tell her anything yet, naturally, but she has a good feeling about this. She's on cloud nine when she walks into the apartment.

"Hello world!" She calls joyously into the apartment, spreading her arms wide and twirling around a few times.

"Good audition I take it?" Noah laughs over his bowl of cereal.

"Fantastic audition! I should hear something in the next couple weeks, just in time for graduation! Maybe we'll have a little something extra to celebrate at my party!"

"I have a good feeling about this Princess," Noah smiles.

"Me too!" She squeals.

"Someone else has a good feeling about it too. You got another surprise."

"More roses?"

"No, go look, it's in your room."

She skips into her room, feeling happier than she has in awhile. Happier than she has since Finn came crashing back into her life.

She sees a box sitting on her desk with a white envelope on top. If the flowers made her breath catch in her throat, this surprise has stolen it completely. She sets the envelope down, she'll look at that in a minute. She opens the box beneath it and finds a box of her favorite fudge from a small candy shop back home. It's red velvet fudge, the best she's ever tasted in her life. She used to get it for herself back in high school when she wanted to reward herself for an accomplishment or after she'd had a bad day. She remembers making Finn try it once. He hated it, but it's her favorite and she only gets it when she goes home to visit her dads, which isn't often. She can't believe he remembers. There's a post it on the box that she reads aloud to herself as she's nibbling on a piece of fudge.

**_I know you killed your audition, so here's something to celebrate with. Also, I figure it's time you read some of my letters._**

**_Love, F_**

She freezes once she's read the post it. She's absolutely terrified of opening the letter. She shoves at least five more pieces of fudge in her mouth before working up the nerve to open it. She sits on the edge of her bed, sucking in a big breath. Here goes.

**_Dear Rachel,_**

**_This is the last letter I'll be writing from over seas. I'm heading home soon, I feel like I finally accomplished what I set out to do. I hope you'll be proud of me once you hear. I know you don't even know I've been writing you these, but it's really helped me, so thank you. Maybe one day you'll get to read them._**

**_I'm heading home and getting to work immediately on becoming a fire fighter. I want to be ready, I want to be something when I find you. I can't wait to see you again. Do you know how many times I've dreamed of seeing your face again? I have so much to say. So much to explain to you. I hope you let me. I know I've hurt you badly, but I was so lost Rachel. So scared. I'm not lost anymore. And I know what I want. I told you before I left that I had fallen in love you with. It was the truth, is the truth still._**

**_What am I gonna do if you're with someone else? If you love someone else? It's gonna hurt like hell, but I know I had a chance already and I blew it. I just want you to be happy, even if it means me being unhappy. You deserve it, you deserve so much. I just want to see your face again, hear your beautiful voice. My dreams aren't enough._**

**_Hopefully I'll be see seeing you soon._**

**_Love always,_**

**_Finn_**

She's crying as she reads the letter over and over, the box of fudge nearly completely empty at this point. She doesn't know how she feels. Part of her wants to hear him out, everyone deserves a second chance right? But there's also a part of her that thinks the pain runs too deep. Maybe some things just aren't meant to be fixed.

She thinks she's going crazy. This inner turmoil is going to be the death of her.

She finally composes herself enough to head to the kitchen, needing a glass of water. Noah's on the phone, laughing with someone, but stops and sits up straight the second he sees her blood shot eyes.

"Hey man, I gotta go. Yeah, yeah I think she did. I am man, trust me. Okay, later Huds."

She narrows her eyes at him when she hears what he says, "Huds? Were you talking to Finn?"

"Maybe."

"What for? Just last week you guys were beating each other up! Now you're friends?"

"Somethin' like that."

She eyes him doubtfully so he clears his throat before continuing. He seems a little nervous...nervous Noah is never up to any good.

"Well uhm, Evans has been making us work together. We got suspended you know, but he's had us coming in and doing all these bull shit team building exercises and stuff."

"Oh okay, I guess."

"He's not a bad dude, you know. I kinda like him."

She eyes him incredulously, but he continues.

"You read his letter?"

"Yes."

"Are you gonna talk to him? Hear his side of the story?"

"No...yes. Ugh! I don't know Noah! I want to, but I just...I've been hurt for so long. Part of me just wants to put it all in my past and never deal with it again."

"That's a lie and we both know it Rachel."

It's silent as she watches Noah. She knows him so well, she can tell he's working his nerve up to say something else to her.

"Oh just say it already!" She nearly shouts.

"He, he told me stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Yeah. His side of the story. I think, I think you should hear him out."

"Oh my God are you taking his side?!"

"What?! No! Of course not, I'm just saying, I think he has some decent reasons for what he did."

"Like what?"

"Huh?"

"Tell me! If he has these magical reasons that will make me forgive him, tell me!"

"It's not my story to tell. I think you should hear it from him."

"Whatever, all you men are full of it," she grumbles, rolling her eyes and heading back to her room.

"Quinn was pregnant," he calls out, standing up and stopping her dead in her tracks.

"What did you say?" She whispers, tears already springing to her eyes.

"Quinn was pregnant and she went all chick crazy and wouldn't let him talk to anyone or do anything she didn't want him to. She told him she would keep the baby from him if he didn't do exactly what she wanted."

She's silent. She's going to be sick. She's so sick. No, he doesn't have a child with Quinn. No no no this isn't happening, this didn't happen.

"No. No no no no," she whispers. If Noah hears her he doesn't acknowledge it. Just continues talking, trying to get her to turn around and face him again.

"And then he overheard his mom talking to Burt about his dad. His dad he thought died a war hero. He didn't, Rachel his dad was a junkie. He was dishonorably discharged from the army six months before he died. His mom had been lying to him."

She hears Noah talking, hears his words, but nothing he is saying is registering for her past "Quinn was pregnant".

"Did she have the baby?"

"What? Did you not hear what I just said about his dad?"

She turns then and the look on her face makes him recoil from her a little, "I said, did she have the baby?"

"I don't know, I just know it ended up not being Finn's. Another one of the reasons he went a little crazy and basically ran away."

Her knees buckle underneath her and she falls in a heap on the ground as a fresh flood of tears start to fall. She's crying and crying until Noah kneels down beside her and says, "C'mon Princess, you need to talk to him. You're kinda freaking me out right now. You've wasted too many tears on this when all you need to do is have is a simple conversation with him."

She looks up at him and the volume in which she speaks makes him jump a little, "Simple? Nothing about this situation is simple Noah!"

"Rachel, I understand what he did to you sucked. I get that. But he was kinda going through a lot of shit. Cut the man some slack."

"Cut the man some slack?!" She yells, standing to her feet.

"I know it sucks Rachel, but it's not like you're the first girl who's gotten hit and quit. Shit, I humped and dumped a girl just last week! I think he really loves you Rachel. Let's just talk it out and move on, yeah?

"YOU UNIMAGINABLE BASTARD!" She screams.

"Rachel are you losing your mind right now?!"

"Have you ever thought Noah, ever taken the tiniest bit of time away from thinking about sex and Super Mario Brothers to think that maybe all these tears I cry aren't just for him? That maybe this isn't all about him?"

"I'm not following."

"Come on Noah! Maybe some of these tears are for me! For someone else! Maybe they're for a life I could of had! Have you ever just for a second, thought that maybe this is a little bit more complicated than it appears to be?!"

He exhales loudly as he rubs his mohawk in frustration, "You're not making any sense Rachel!"

"Look at me Noah!" she demands as she rips down the front of her skirt just enough to expose the faded scar right above the seam of her panties. "Haven't you ever wondered how I got this scar?" It's much less noticeable now than it was when she and Noah first started dating, but it's still clearly visible.

"Of course, but you told me it was from a stomach surgery you had as a teenager. You acted like it wasn't a big deal, so neither did I...because it wasn't."

"Are you really being this stupid right now?!" She spits as she storms off into her room and begins rummaging through her closet until she finds what she's looking for.

She charges back into the living room, throwing the scrapbook at him, "Here you go asshole!" she shouts before slamming the door to her bedroom and locking herself in there.

He grunts in frustration, shaking his head at her before opening the book. He drops into the chair behind him as he whispers, "Oh no."

He flips through the first couple of pages before coming to the one that confirms, without a doubt, the sinking feeling in his stomach. Suddenly everything makes so much more sense to him.

Under a picture, on a decorative piece of paper, he immediately recognizes Rachel's loopy script.

**Barbra Christine**

**Born via emergency C-Section**

**February 17, 2009 at Two-Thirty AM**

**Seven Pounds Five Ounces**

**20 inches long**

He throws his head back, rubbing his eyes as he breathes the words, "Holy shit, Rachel has a daughter."

* * *

**Okay, who called it?! I was shocked I didn't get any baby predictions in the reviews...did the laboring mother comment in the first chapter throw you off? It was supposed to! ;) EVERYTHING comes to light next chapter and everything is explained! I would love to know what you think!**

**(P.S. Yay for Pinn friendship! I love those boys so much more than is probably considered normal ;) )**


	4. The Secrets and The Ghosts

**WOW! Thanks for the awesome response on the last chapter! I love hearing what you guys think, good and bad...but I think I legitimately pissed some people off last time and since this is the only way I can respond to guest reviewers, here we go!**

**1. Puck did not "switch sides". Yes he and Finn are developing a friendship (did you really think I'd keep them hating each other?) but I'm borderline obsessed with the Puckleberry I've created here, I'm not going to mess that up! Perhaps I didn't think it was so bad because I know what he says next, I know why he said the things he did. Puck is going to explain himself! Remember I cut their conversation off right in the middle! As I said EVERYTHING gets explained this chapter! (Also, he's a DUDE, it's PUCK, he's going to say stupid stuff sometimes when Rachel is making him uncomfortable with super emotional reactions he doesn't understand).**

**2. Yes Finn did Rachel really wrong, but let's not burn him at the stake before he's even told his story himself! We heard a very washed down version from Puck containing about ZERO detail. If you still think he's unforgivable after he says his piece, then so be it. This story is all about him recognizing what he did wrong and trying to make up for it. Forgiveness is a good thing people! (something practically the entire Glee fandom needs to learn tbh).**

**3. Lastly, it is absolutely one hundred million percent possible to be hurt and angered by someone but still be sickeningly attracted to them. Rachel and Finn have an intense connection in this story, that includes physical. She hates the fact that her body reacts to him that way, but she can't help it. She's openly struggling with that, which I tried to make clear, perhaps I did a bad job and if so, I apologize. She's absolutely hurt by him, but she still loves him. If you don't understand how one can be super attracted to someone that they've been really hurt by, that means you've never experienced a situation like that, and that's great because it freaking sucks to be quite honest.**

**I hope you guys like this chapter, Finn has a long way to go, but he knows it. He has plans. Big plans! I hope you like them, but if you don't, don't torture yourself and force yourself to read this. It's _Glee fanfiction_ you guys, it's supposed to be fun. Don't read it if you aren't enjoying it! :)**

**Quote & title from Mark Salling's "Fugitive" because I love him and he'll always be second for me only to Cory! *shrugs***

* * *

_I am not a fugitive_

_I just wanted to be free_

_From the secrets and the ghosts_

_That have been chasing after me_

She hears him shuffling on the other side of her door and knows it's just a matter of time before he comes knocking, demanding for her to talk to him.

He doesn't, instead she hears her door knob jiggling before her door suddenly flies open, revealing a sick looking Noah.

She shoots up in bed and immediately throws two of her pillows at him, "Did you just pick my lock?!"

"Stop throwing shit at me!"

"Get out Noah! Why don't you go talk to your new best friend!" she's crying still and she's not even trying to hide it.

"Rachel..."

"You're on his side Noah! I don't wanna hear anything you have to say!"

"I'm not on his side Rachel!" She gives him a pointed look but he continues, "Okay I'm gonna pretend for a minute you haven't been keeping _massive_ secrets from me, your best friend, _for years_, and first explain myself."

"Go on," she sighs, rolling her eyes a bit.

"I'm sorry for being a jackass, you were just freaking me out. Sometimes that's the only way I can snap you out of it." She snorts a little at that. "I wasn't _defending_ him, I was just saying I think you should talk it out with him. All I know I told you, I'm sure he can explain it better."

"Why do you even care? You were offering to put a hit on him the other day! He broke your nose!"

"Rachel, do you wanna know what one of the first things I noticed about you was? What made me fall in love with you?"

"I don't have any idea where you're going with this," she replies, annoyed.

"Your smile. You have this huge, beautiful smile and it lights up your whole face. I used to love making you laugh just so I could see you smile."

She's silent, stunned by the words coming out his mouth. This is not what she was expecting.

"We were happy together for a long time, I know we were and I know we were really in love at one point, but even at our happiest I knew we weren't forever. You know why?"

"Why?" She whispers.

"Because no matter how big and bright your smile was, your eyes were always sad. You've always had a sadness in your eyes ever since I've known you Rachel. Knowing about the baby now explains some of that, but it's not all for her, I know it's not." He sighs heavily, rubbing his tired face and waiting until she makes eye contact with him before he continues. "Rachel I want you to talk to Finn, not because I think he's innocent, but because I think you really love each other. I think if you can work through your issues with him then you can be happy for real and you won't be so sad all the time. I love you Rachel, I want you to be happy. And I don't know why, but I think Finn is the only one who can do that. Now don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy to help you out when you need me, but you deserve so much more than midnight sex every once in awhile. Can't you see that?"

It's silent for what feels like ages as she's looking down, picking at a spot on her comforter. "Am I just a sad, pathetic excuse of a woman or what?" She finally whispers, trying to keep herself from openly sobbing.

"No Rachel, of course not," he breathes as he sits next to her and wraps his arms around her.

"Why do I still love him after everything?"

"We can't help who we love Rachel. He messed up. He messed up bad, but he's owning it. I'm not saying marry the guy, I'm just saying talk to him. You don't have to decide anything right now or do anything you don't want to, but how many nights have you kept yourself up wondering why? Don't you at least want those questions answered? You have the chance now."

She remains silent, causing him to nudge her a little, "I wouldn't tell you to talk to him if I thought he was just gonna load you up with bullshit Rachel. I see the look in his eyes when he talks about you. You have to trust me that I think this is okay."

"Uggggh I really hate it when you're right you know," she smiles weakly through her tears.

"I know," he grins, squeezing her tight.

They sit there like that, holding each other, until Rachel's tears dry and she starts shifting to stretch out her limbs.

"Can we talk about baby Barbra now?" He asks timidly.

She smiles at him sadly, "She's not quite a baby anymore."

They stay up for the rest of the night talking, Rachel telling Noah everything she's been keeping from him, from everyone, and it feels so good to finally say it all out loud, like a weight being lifted off her shoulders. She knows he's hurt she never shared this part of herself with him, but she thinks he understands why.

He can be an absolute jack ass sometimes and such a boy, but as she's sitting with him on her bed, looking through her scrapbook of pictures of her daughter, she's never been more grateful to have a best friend like him.

* * *

Friday passes rather peacefully, but Rachel senses it's just the calm before the storm. She doesn't know what she wants to do about Finn, but she does know that Noah was right. How many nights has she stayed awake asking herself why? She has the opportunity to get answers now, to gain some sort of peace, so shouldn't she take it? Having a conversation with Finn doesn't mean forgiving him and giving him another chance, it just means hearing him out.

Besides, regardless of their past and what he did or didn't do, he deserves to know he has a child. She just turned five and he doesn't even know she exists.

She makes her up mind that's she's going to talk to him. Just talk. She's heading home from doing a little light Saturday morning grocery shopping while Noah is at his mom's, and by the time she reaches her front door she's convinced herself to call Finn. She's going to unload the groceries and she's just going to call him. She's just going to do it!

She opens the door, struggling to get inside with all of the bags when she hears a familiar voice, "Here, lemme help you."

She yelps a little when she looks up and sees Finn coming towards her, reaching out to grab some of her bags.

"What are you doing here?" She snaps.

"Uhm, Puck let me in," he answers sheepishly, surely knowing about the fight she and Noah had the other night.

"I liked it better when you guys were beating each other up," she says, moving past him to take the groceries to the kitchen.

"He's not a bad guy, you know. I kinda like him."

"Oh my God I'm getting déjà vu," she grumbles.

"Uhm okay," he says, a little confused by her comment, "you shouldn't worry though you know, he's still threatened to kill me at least ten times since we've started talking. He has your back Rachel, it's one of the reasons I decided I like him."

She smiles at him weakly, unsure of how to respond. She had totally planned on giving herself a pep talk before calling him, psyching herself out some, maybe even having a drink. She's completely unprepared for this right now.

"So anyways, Puck gave me his blessing to come talk to you, obviously, sooo do you think...do you think we could talk?"

"I...I guess so, I mean we definitely need to...so yes, come on, let's go sit."

She leads him to the couch where he sits, her choosing to take a seat in the chair next to it, not wanting to be too close.

They sit there for what feels like hours, neither one knowing how to start, where to start. She gets so uncomfortable that she finally just blurts out, "Noah told me about Quinn. And-and your dad. Can you...will you tell me what happened?"

He exhales loudly, hanging his head for a moment before looking up at her sadly, "Yeah, I'll tell you."

She watches him, watches his features tense and a million emotions cross his face. She knows he's trying to decide what to say and how to say it. He never was the best with words.

"I was going to do it. I called her that night, the night we...you know...anyway I called her on the way home from your house, to ask her to meet me for lunch the next day so we could talk. She didn't answer. But when I-when I pulled up to my house her car was there."

"Did she know you had been at my house?"

"No. Well, I don't know. I never told her about us, but she knew. She knew I had feelings for you at least."

Rachel's mouth forms into an "oh", but she says nothing. Instead she simply waits; her heart pounding in her chest like a bass drum.

"Well, as you now know, she was pregnant and she-ugh she came and told my mom before she even told me. She told her that she'd gotten kicked out of her house and had no where to go, so of course my mom offered for her to stay with us."

"She was living with you the last month of school?" She swallows loudly.

"Yeah and she basically went nuts on me. She-she told me if I talked to you she would keep the baby from me and I didn't- fuck I didn't know what to do. I didnt...I didn't just give up on us Rachel. She was, shit she was _everywhere_. She was there at school watching me...she had her friends watching me...she was there at home. She would take my phone and anytime I'd try to fight back she would cry to my mom and my mom would freak out on me too. Fuck, it was like I was in prison. I didn't want to be in that situation. I was miserable. I- I wanted to talk to you...so badly, I just didn't know what to say to you. I was so fucking embarrassed and-and ashamed. I didn't want to hurt you, but I ended up hurting you by trying to protect you from the truth, or what I thought was the truth. I'm sorry...it was such a fucked up situation. I was trying to come up with a plan before I talked to you, but I should have figured out a way to come to you immediately."

"You were...uhm you were having sex with her at the same time as you had sex with me?"

His head snaps up to look at her then.

"I just...she was the president of the celibacy club. Everyone in school said, or thought at least, that she wouldn't have sex with you. And you were, well you were rather eager when we..."

He laughs a little at that, a self deprecating laugh, "No, I wasn't sleeping with Quinn. We were together for a while and she only slept with me once. Uhm, it was about a month before you and I did. She uhm, just came to me one day and practically jumped me...which confused the hell out of me at the time since she'd been so firmly against it for so long. But that was it. She cried to me after about how guilty she felt and how God was going to hate her now...so we never did it again."

Rachel is silent, not knowing how to respond to any of this. She always knew Quinn was a manipulative bitch, but apparently she didn't even know the half of it.

"That's how I found out actually. She wouldn't let me come to any of the doctor appointments with her...or my mom. She kept making up excuses, so I knew something was up. I...I went through her bag once when she was in the bathroom and found out the date of her next appointment and I just showed up. It had been like two months since we'd slept together and she was already almost four months along."

"Oh my God..." Rachel breathes, "you couldn't tell at all. She was hardly showing."

"I know. It made it easier for her to lie. I don't know what her plan was, but I'm sure it woulda been another lie. She lied a lot...it was actually some guys from her church. She lied about her parents kicking her out too. She made that up so she could, I don't know? Keep watch over me I guess?"

"God Finn I don't know how you stayed with her for so long. She was such a bitch, I always hated her," she doesn't actually mean to say it out loud, but she can't take it back. It's true.

"I was an idiot. _Obviously_."

"Obviously," she agrees, not missing a beat.

"Anyway, it was like midnight by the time I finally got her and all of her shit out of the house. I was heading to my mom's room to tell her when I..." he stops for a minute, makes a pained face and sighs, "I overheard her talking to Burt. They'd just met you know, they were talking on the phone, had been all night I guess, and I heard her say my dads name...I heard her tell him the whole story. You know how I felt about my dad Rachel..."

"I do..."

"I always thought he was a hero, I looked up to this version of him that I had created in my mind my whole life and then, in an instant, my mom just shit all over it."

The room is silent and the air around them is tense. It's obvious to Rachel that Finn is still very effected by this. She remains still, quiet, letting him continue when he's ready.

"He died in a gutter...here, in America. A fucking gutter Rachel. I'd always been proud of my name, proud to be a Hudson because Hudson's, we were heros. We sacrificed all for our country. I just, I felt sick, worse than I did when I found out that the baby that had been dangled over my head the last month wasn't mine. It just so happened I found out the truth about both all in the same day. I...I went ballistic...on my mom. On the house. I lost it. I tore the house apart. I said horrible, unforgivable things to my mom. And I...I just left. I didn't even take clothes with me. I just got in my truck and that was that."

Her eyes are wide as saucers as she watches him, his face red and his chest heaving.

"You didn't let your mom know you were leaving?"

"No," he smiles sadly, "you aren't the only woman I love whose heart I broke."

She has to swallow several times to try to keep the lump in her throat down. Her eyes are burning and her mind is racing. He can see she doesn't know what to say, so he continues, obviously having more to say himself.

"I drove to your house that night..."

"You-you did?"

"I know that means nothing to you, because I was a fucking coward and I couldn't bring myself to get out of the damn truck, but I drove there. I sat in front of your house for the rest of the night. I'd leave only to drive right back and park there again," he sits back on the couch, throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling. "I left your house at sunrise...drove straight to the recruiters office. Told them I wanted to leave, to go anywhere as soon as possible. I don't know how, if it was just the right timing or what, but I got sent to boot camp that next morning...It took me three years to even come home and visit my mom."

"Are you serious?" She breathes, astounded she never knew about this riff between he and Carole. Kurt apparently really took it to heart the day she freaked out on him and demanded he never mention Finn to her again. She supposes screaming obscenities while threatening to shred one's favorite vintage Hermes scarf will do that to a guy. Maybe things would be different now if she'd allowed Kurt to open the lines of communication between them...

"We're fine now, but even after that I never came home much. I was on a mission, I had to finish the task at hand. I had to redeem my name. Redeem my father. I wasn't going to stop until I did. I want to be a man my kids can be proud of Rachel, not one they're ashamed of."

She can't help the few tears that slip past her eyes at the mention of children, "I'm sure...I'm sure they'll be proud of you." She chokes out, hopping up and heading to the kitchen needing to change the subject, "Do you want a drink?" she just needs a break. Needs to be able to think.

He stands and follows her, "Just water is fine, thanks."

She gets him a glass of water, opting for a glass of wine for herself. Her nerves are frayed, her emotions all over the place, she needs something to help calm her down.

"I did it you know," he whispers.

"You did what?"

"Redeemed my dad's name. I did it. I have medals and awards and I fought, I sacrificed for my country. I can carry the Hudson name proudly."

"I'm proud of you Finn," she smiles, and she means it.

"Thank you Rachel. I know none of what I just told you excuses the way I treated you. I just, I just wanted you to know that, I didn't...it was never my intention to hurt you. I was so...I was lost. I didn't deserve you back then."

"And now?"

"I'd like to think that I'm a man who could work his way up to deserving you. You have to know how genuinely sorry I am."

"I know Finn. I just..." She stops mid sentence, not even sure why she's about to open this can of worms, but she can't stop herself.

"Why did it even have to come to that? In high school? You were never happy with Quinn, it was written all over your face. Why didn't you ever just...break up with her? We could have been together. I could have, I could have helped you with...well with all of this."

"I don't know, high school was kinda hard for me and-"

"Oh please Finn, you were the golden boy! The quarterback! You were the most popular boy in the whole school! The guys all wanted to be you and all the girls were in love with you!"

"But I wasn't happy..."

"No Finn!" She shouts a little, startling him. She's not meaning to do this, not right now, but it's all just tumbling out of her mouth, "I was the miserable one! I was the one who got slushied all the time! Who got called names! The one YOUR girlfriend would create derogatory drawings of in the bathroom stalls. I was the one who's best friend was too embarrassed of her to actually be her friend AT school."

"Rachel-"

"Stop! Finn you hurt me long before you skipped town without telling me!"

"I WAS TERRIFIED!" He roars, startling her, causing her to drop her glass, spilling wine all over the floor. She slaps her hand over her mouth, looking at him in shock, unsure of what to say, but he doesn't stop to let her speak anyway.

"I was terrified Rachel! I had no clue who I was or what I was doing. I knew I was nothing special but everyone kept telling me I was. I was terrified one day everyone was gonna wake up and call me out for the fake that I was. I wanted, God I wanted so badly to be like you. To just be me and say fuck off to anyone who didn't like it or who didn't understand. You were everything to me Rachel, but I didn't know how to be like you. I wasn't strong enough."

His chest is heaving and he's staring at her with enough intensity to set the walls on fire, but she can't look away. She can't and she won't. She won't back down from him, she's done playing the victim.

"I was a scared little boy trapped in the body of a grown man and I was scared shitless._ Every damn day_. The only time I felt okay, felt like me, was when I was with you."

"I wish you would have told me," she whispers, not breaking eye contact, "I could have helped you."

She expects him to say something in return, expects him to go on about how lost he was, but what he does instead, she most certainly is not expecting.

He wraps his large hands around her waist and lifts her up on the counter in front of them, knocking off the bowl of fruit and his water glass, sending both crashing to the floor. His lips are on hers and she's kissing him back before it even registers in her head that this is a bad, bad idea.

It's everything her dreams and her nightmares are made of and Finn is pouring so much passion and emotion into it, she's not even sure how he's still standing. Her body acts of it's own accord as she wraps her legs around him, pulling him closer, completely surrendering to the unyielding pull of Finn Hudson that haunts every second of her days and her nights.

It's real and raw, magical and heavenly...but it's not right, not right now, and she knows it. Every little part of her knows she has to stop this, but she physically can't bring herself to pull away from him, not after missing him for so long.

She starts crying at this realization, the tears starting off slowly before streaming down her face in free fall.

Finn pulls back from her, cups her face in his hands, his own tears making their way down his cheeks, "I know I've hurt you Rachel. I've done unforgivable things, but please, please give me the chance to prove to you that I'm different now. I've grown up Rachel. I'm not lost, I'm not scared. You're the most amazing person I've ever met, you've always been so brave and you've always seen so much more for yourself than the shit life has given you. And you're doing it Rachel, you're making it happen. You're so brave and strong. I love that about you. I love _you_. Please let me prove to you that I'm worthy of your love."

She doesn't answer, she can't speak through the tears cascading down her face so he quickly begins apologizing, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have kissed you like that, I just-"

"Finn," she smiles at him sadly through her tears. She knows it's time, "it's not , it's not that...not _just_ that. I-I have something I need to tell you too."

"You do?" He pulls back a little, slightly confused.

"Yeah. Can we, can we go sit back down?"

"Of course," he says, helping her down from the counter and leading the way back to the living room.

"Okay," she takes a deep breath, not even sure where to start.

"Do you remember how my dads used to make me go to the doctor every other month for check ups?"

"Yeah," he smiles, "to make sure you weren't coming down with anything that could effect your singing voice."

"Right. Well, uhm I went for one of my regular check ups a few weeks after we slept together and they did a blood test, they only did them every six months or so."

"Rachel..." He says lowly, the color slowly draining from his face.

"Since they did a blood test, they were able to tell really early, before I even had any idea, that I was..." she looks down at her hands in her lap. She's never able to think about Barbra without crying. "They told me I was pregnant Finn."

"But...but I- I don't, I don't understand. We used a condom."

"The first time."

"What?"

"We only had one condom Finn. We used it the first time. We did it two more times after that."

"Oh my God," he breathes as her words are sinking in. She can see the realization dawning on him and in an instant he covers his face with his hands, but she can still see the tears coming.

"You were pregnant and and I was- oh my God I was...Rachel I..." He can't compose a coherent sentence and she watches in shock as he keels over and starts sobbing as if he's in physical pain. She watches him, completely at a loss of how to react, she's never seen a man cry like this before. What does she do?

"I'm so fucking sorry Rachel," he's repeating it over and over, as he cries and cries. She wants to reach out and comfort him, every part of her is screaming to sit by him and hold him, but she's not sure if she should. Perhaps him feeling like this is part of his karma. She didn't have him there to hold her when she had her break downs about the baby.

She can only think like that for a second though, before she's on her feet, moving to be next to him and wrapping her thin arms around him. He sobs his apologies into her hair over and over as she cries with him.

She loses track of time, it feels like years that they sit there together, crying for their baby, crying for what could have been, crying for the secrets kept and the mistakes made.

Finally he pulls back from her, looking into her swollen, blood shot eyes, mirroring his own, "What happened? What happened to our baby? Is there...is there a baby?"

She smiles a small smile at him, a sad smile, "Yes, there's a baby. She just turned five in February."

"She?" He asks as a fresh batch of tears start pouring down his face.

"Yes, we have a daughter Finn."

"Can you...will you tell me what happened?"

They both sit up straight, Finn reaching out to take Rachel's hand in a comforting manner as it's obvious to him, even in this state of mind, that this is hard for her to talk about.

"I tried to tell you, you know. I wasnt just being clingy or whatever boys want to call it. I was trying to tell you. That's what I wanted to talk to you about at graduation."

"I'm so sorry Rachel, God you have to believe me that I had no idea...I was so busy trying to deal with my fake baby, I didn't even realize..."

"I know you didn't," she shakes her head, "anyway my dads kicked me out when they found out."

"Oh my God...so when Quinn was living in my house, claiming to have been kicked out, you- you were actually getting kicked out?"

"Yes," she whispers.

He shakes his head in disbelief at himself and bites his lip, trying in vain to keep more tears from coming. "Where did you go?" He chokes out.

"My moms."

"Your moms?" He asks, surprised.

"Yeah I had found her information in my dad's office once but never acted on it. I showed up at her door and after a long and _intense_ conversation...she took me in."

"Rachel, that's amazing."

"She really helped me, I don't, I don't know where I'd be without her."

"Is that why all my letters to your dads came back to me?"

"I can only assume. They never mentioned them to me. I deferred my NYADA acceptance for a year to have her. I couldn't...I couldn't stand the thought of aborting her. I was so, so hurt by you, but I still couldn't stand the thought of harming something that was _ours_...the one little part of you I had left."

"I'm so sorry you had to come to that decision by yourself Rachel. I should have been there to help you."

She nods a little in agreement, "Shelby helped me decide on adoption."

"Your mom?"

"Yeah. She got pregnant with me as a teenager also, so she told me what to expect...the overwhelming sadness and the guilt. But she told me she knows she did the right thing for me. She was completely unprepared to raise a baby on her own...I was the same."

"You don't have to justify your decision to me Rachel. I wasn't there, you had every right to make the decision you saw as best."

"I wanted to keep her. I wanted to keep her so badly, but I got really sick. I was on bed rest for the last three months of my pregnancy, it gave me a lot of time to think. She deserved more, more than I could offer her. I didn't know if I'd ever see you again. I was broken; she deserved more than an absent father and an emotionally broken teen mother.

Finn squeezes her hand in both of his, silently showing his support as they both cry.

"My adoption was a closed adoption. Shelby was not allowed to contact me unless I came to her, but now, we have an actual relationship. We meet up for coffee once a month and email regularly. So I knew, that even if I gave my baby away, that there was still a chance for me to have a real relationship with her later in life."

"I'm so proud of you," Finn whispers, still crying his own tears. "Can you tell me about her? Do you know where she is? What her name is?"

"Shelby helped me sort through the whole adoption process. We found a really great couple, their names are Tom and Angie Monroe. You would love them Finn. They live not too far out of the city, in a nice quiet neighborhood. I went into labor a little early. I got out of bed alone one night when I wasn't supposed to and I fainted. They had to rush me to the hospital and perform an emergency c-section on me...but Tom and Angie were ready. They've been nothing but amazing."

"Do they know about me?"

"Yes. They know your name and I gave them some pictures of you...They- they let me name her Finn."

"They did? Is that even allowed?"

"Well not usually," she smiles sweetly, recalling the time she held her newborn baby and knew her name instantly. "They actually surprised me; took me completely off guard when they told me they wanted me to be the one to name her. Angie told me she would have their last name so they only found it fair that she have a first and a middle name that represent you and I...which was perfect because I knew her name the second I saw her...Barbra Christine...so there's a piece of both of us in there."

Finn lunges forward and wraps her in his arms as she says this, a fresh sob ripping through his throat. "I left you. I left you all alone with my baby and you still named her after me."

"Well Christine was as close as I could get, I wasn't going to give our daughter the name Christopher," they laugh together despite the steady stream of tears staining both of their shirts.

"They, uh they call her Barbie for short."

Finn surprises her by smiling wide, "Barbie Monroe? With a name like that and your genes, she's going to be a star for sure!"

They sit together in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Finn clears his throat, "Was this a closed adoption? I mean, do you know anything about her? What she looks like?"

"She's beautiful," Rachel smiles, "she looks just like you."

"Yeah?" Finn chokes out, "so you see her?"

"No. We agreed together that we will let Barbie make that decision. When she's old enough and asks about her birth parents, we will set something up. Tom and Angie though, they keep me updated. They send me pictures and videos. They really are amazing Finn. This is probably the most unusual adoption ever, but it's been perfect for me. They're so sensitive to how this must feel for me. They're-they're my friends now. They really are the perfect parents for her."

"You have pictures? Can I see...will you show me?"

"You want to?"

"Of course," he breathes.

She stands up then and takes his hand, "Come on."

She leads him to her room where they sit on her bed and look over her scrapbook full of pictures of Barbie. She shares all the stories and little anecdotes Tom and Angie have told her and they crowd around her laptop, watching the little clips they've sent her over the years.

Finn can't seem to get enough, watching the clips over and over again and staring at the pictures with such adoration in his eyes. He's absolutely in love and she can tell...she knows the feeling.

"She's perfect," he whispers after watching a clip of her singing and dancing in her living room, dressed head to toe as Princess Elsa from Frozen.

"She's such a gifted singer, even at five she has perfect pitch," Rachel smiles proudly.

"I would expect nothing less," Finn chuckles.

He eyes her for a minute before sitting back and sighing, his smile fading, "I thought I had a chance before."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought I could come back and prove to you that I'm worth a second chance. Convince you to take a chance on me. But now...I don't know how you'll ever be able to forgive me. I will never be able to find the words to tell you how deeply sorry I am. No wonder you hate me so much. I'm so, so sorry Rachel."

She smiles tightly at him as a few new tears escape, "I know Finn."

She excuses herself from the room, decides to order them Chinese food, both starving and exhausted, having been locked in this apartment all day, reliving the emotional turmoil of the last six years of their lives.

They both end up falling asleep in the living room, her curled up in the arm chair and Finn sprawled out on the couch. She wakes a few hours later with a stiff neck and an aching back, getting up to stretch and move to her bed.

She can't help but smile as she looks at Finn asleep on the couch, the scrapbook open on his chest, a picture of Barbie smiling up at her. She moves the book gently off his chest and throws a a blanket on him to keep him warm

She's getting a drink of water after cleaning up the forgotten mess on the kitchen floor when the door opens and a nervous looking Noah walks in. Of course he's nervous, he knows he left Finn here, essentially throwing her to the wolves.

His eyes flick from Finn, still sleeping on the couch, to Rachel before he asks, "So, how are you?"

"I'm alright."

"Did you guys talk?" He asks tentatively.

"Yes."

"And you're okay? Does he know about Barbie?

"He knows about Barbie, and yes, I think we're okay."

"You feel better now huh? I was right wasn't I?"

"You were right," she smiles, "and I think...I think we're okay. I think we'll be okay. Friends maybe."

"Good," he smiles, walking towards his room before turning around and grinning, "So you don't wanna come spend the night in my room?" he winks, obviously joking to try and make her laugh.

"Goodnight Puckerman!" she smirks as she heads to her room, turning to look at Finn once more before sighing and closing her door.

* * *

**So, what are your thoughts now that you know Finn and Rachel's story? Are you less mad at Finn? More mad at Finn? **


	5. Steal Your Pain Away

**Let me first say how genuinely sorry and completely embarrassed I am about my awkward and probably slightly (very?) immature authors note/ rant from the other day. I've been dealing with some personal issues lately and just read the wrong thing at the wrong time and allowed myself to react when I most certainly should not have. Definitely took out some completely unrelated anger on the wrong people. **

**I was seriously planning on going on hiatus, for real...but, well, here I am! My Puckleberry-Finn brain refuses to quit apparently because I just cranked out an entire chapter the morning after my freak out...literally just like poured out of me onto the page in one sitting.**

**Thank you so much for the comments and messages you guys sent me. You're all seriously amazing! I had no idea that many of you were actually that into this still. None of that was expected to say the least! I'm new to this author thing, so thank you so much for bearing with me as I learn how to handle being in the role of author. I can assure you nothing like what happened the other day will ever happen again! You have my word! And I'd love it if we could just pretend like it didn't happen, like Puckleberry do (haha!)! Trust me, I cringe and hide my face every time I think about it! **

**This is my last long ass AN too...so without further ado, here's the chapter I told you I wouldn't post (lol). Please accept this as a token of my sincerest apologies and my sincerest gratitude...my peace offering. Thank you thank you. You guys seriously make me want to cry, in a good way!**

**Title and quote from "Broken" by Seether and Amy Lee.**

* * *

_The worst is over now and we can breathe again_

_I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away_

_There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

Rachel wakes feeling more rested and calm than she has in ages. As she lies in bed recalling the events of last night, she feels an overwhelming amount of gratitude for Noah. Yes she had planned to call Finn yesterday, but if she's being honest with herself, the likelihood of her chickening out instead was very high. It was a conversation that needed to happen, and it did, because of Noah. For the first times in years she was able to sleep without the ghosts of her past haunting her. She finally has answers, whether she likes them or not, she no longer has to wonder why. And perhaps most importantly, she no longer has to carry the burden of her secrets around, at least not alone. It's _all _thanks to her Noah.

She hops out of bed, wrapping her robe around herself and heading to the kitchen to make Noah his favorite breakfast. His door is still closed and Finn is still asleep on the couch, limbs hanging off and snoring lightly. She allows herself to smile just a little at how young and innocent his features appear when he's fast asleep. He says he's a different person now, a man. Should she believe him? She's certainly a different woman now than the girl she was in high school. Is it really healthy to allow herself to continue to wallow in the pain of something that happened six years ago? She would have reacted differently had she been in his place (or she likes to think so at least), but she can't deny he was dealing with some heavy things that she was completely unaware of. Perhaps he did the best he could.

She's thinking through the possibilities as she begins making Noah's favorite, red velvet pancakes. It's not until she has the bacon in the frying pan, the aroma wafting through the halls that both boys show up in the kitchen with grumbling stomachs, rubbing the sleep from their eyes.

"Oh hells yes," Noah cries as he sees what she's making. He piles a stack of the red pancakes on his plate and already has a massive forkful shoved in his mouth by the time he sits down. "My princess does it again!"

Finn stands there awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and eyeing the bacon frying in the pan. She knows he's not confident as to if he's welcome to stay for breakfast or not.

They're going to move forward, she decides as she's watching him. Continually forcing each other to relive the pain of the past would be devastating to their well beings, she should know. They can't go back and change it now no matter how much they wish they could.

They can be friends. Making a new friend never hurt anyone, right?

"Are you hungry Finn?" She finally asks, holding out a plate to him.

"Yeah, starving," he breathes in relief.

He accepts the plate and moves to sit down across from Noah, who is eyeing him suspiciously over his own plate.

"Dude, I told you if we're going to be friends you have to stop looking at me like that."

"I'm still taking you for a test drive _bro_. I think you're funny, but that doesn't mean I trust you yet. I'm watching, just waiting for you to make a wrong move. You caught me off guard with the whole Santana thing. I'm ready to bring the pain if I have to."

Rachel has to stifle a giggle at the look on both of their faces. She should have known Noah was acting like this towards Finn. He turns to Rachel incredulously, but when he makes eye contact with her, the look on her face makes his mouth twitch into a small smile. They hold eye contact for a beat before he turns around and looks at Noah, "It won't come to that...you'll see."

Rachel stands to the side, eyeing Finn as he takes a bite of his pancakes. She grins as she watches his face contort as he chews and then grimaces as he swallows. Red velvet has always been a point of contention between them; she knew he wouldn't like these. He soldiers on though, taking another bite.

"Finn you don't have to make yourself eat those," she laughs.

Noah's head shoots up just in time to see Finn's face as he makes himself swallow his second mouthful, "What's wrong with you fuck face? You got a problem with Rachel's pancakes?" He demands as he reaches over and hits Finn upside the head.

"Ow! No! No, they're awesome!"

"You don't have to lie Finn, I know you hate anything red velvet."

"Who hates red velvet? It takes like chocolate!" Noah cries, reaching over to hit Finn again.

"I'm-shit man, stop! I'm sorry, I just don't like it!"

"You don't deserve these," Noah grumbles as he reaches forward and scoops the pancakes from Finn's plate onto his own.

Finn once again turns to Rachel in disbelief, but when he catches sight of her with her hand over her mouth, eyes wrinkled in laughter, he smiles wide and genuine. He shakes his head in laughter before turning to finish his bacon and coffee.

"Thanks for breakfast," he smiles, standing up from the table, "but I have to run. I'm supposed to help Kurt and Blaine move in their new living room furniture this morning."

"Oh, okay."

"Listen I, uhm-" Finn rubs his neck nervously, turning to look at Noah.

"Oh I'm sorry, do you want me to leave? Give you some privacy?" Noah asks.

"Yeah man, that'd be great."

"Nope. Sorry. I let you talk in private yesterday to give my girl some peace. Now Noah Puckerman is _everywhere_. Hearing _everything _you say...watching _everything _you do...until I decide you're trustworthy. Besides, I'm still eating and Rachel only allows food in the bedroom if she's getting a screaming orgasm out of it."

"Noah!" She hisses, absolutely certain her face is as red as the pancakes.

"You have to stop saying shit like that to me man," Finn grumbles.

"Just reminding you who's been taking care of Princess here the past few years," he winks.

"Please just ignore him," Rachel sighs, rolling her eyes and leading Finn to the front door. It's as far as they can get from Noah, though still perfectly within his ear shot.

"Uhm okay. Anyway I wanted to thank you for talking to me last night. And-and thank you for being honest with me."

"You're welcome. Thank you for your honesty as well."

"I'm so sorry I kissed you, I just-"

"Hold the fucking phone!" Noah roars, charging towards them with a fork full of pancakes still in his hand, "I gave you my blessing to talk to her, not put your filthy hands on her you sneaky mother fucker!"

"Noah!" Rachel cries, running to put herself between the two men, wanting desperately to avoid another trip to the hospital. "It's okay! It was a mistake and we both know it. It was completely harmless, I promise."

He grunts a little in frustration, motioning with two of his fingers between his eyes and Finn's, "I'm watchin' you, bro or no bro."

Finn holds his hands up to signify his innocence, turning back to Rachel once Noah's back out of eye sight, "I think he tricked me into this whole friendship thing. What's that saying? Keep your friends and enemies not far away?"

"It's keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer," she corrects. "I'm sorry, he's just really protective of me. He's scared away quite a few potential boyfriends."

"S'okay," he shrugs, flinching a little at the mention of her dating, "It makes me feel a little better knowing you have someone like him to protect you. I just wish he didn't feel like he has to protect you from _me_...but I get it."

They're both silent for a moment before Finn blurts out, "Listen, I'm really sorry, about everything. I never knew how much I was hurting you before, well before all the bad shit happened and I _knew _I was hurting you. I had my head so far up my own ass I didn't even realize what I was doing to you. Is it...would it be okay if we worked on being friends again? I can be the friend I shoulda been back then, the friend you deserve. I swear, I'll be the best friend you've ever had."

"Good luck with that!" Noah shouts sarcastically from the kitchen.

She can't help but laugh a little at Noah before smiling at Finn, "I think that would be okay."

"Awesome."

She smiles a little awkwardly at him before looking down at the floor. What comes next? How do new-old friends with mountains worth of emotional baggage say goodbye?

"Well I should- I should probably go," he stammers out, "you know how Kurt gets when you keep him waiting."

"I do," she laughs," you should go."

"I'll see you later Rachel?"

"Yeah Finn. I'll see you later."

* * *

Rachel can't deny that she's feeling a little bit happier than usual Monday at school. Word around the blogosphere is that the producers for Funny Girl will be making calls this week for call backs. They'll be calling her she just knows it! Plus this is her second to last Monday of school EVER and she's working on putting the past behind her. Yes, things are starting to look up for Rachel Berry.

It's lunchtime; she's just taken a seat at an empty picnic table in the middle of the small NYADA courtyard when she feels a tap on her right shoulder. She jumps a little in surprise as she turns around.

"Finn! What are you doing here?"

"Hey I, I had a little break so I thought I'd come bring you lunch! Friends do that right?" He grins, holding up a wicker basket for her to see.

"Yes, I suppose they do," she grins back, "Thank you! But the station isn't anywhere near here. How do you have time?"

"I don't. I can't stay, I gotta head back...right now actually," he frowns, looking down at his watch.

"Oh okay," she replies, taking the basket from him.

"I'll see you later," Finn beams before turning to jog off.

She turns to open the basket just as she hears his familiar voice shout, "I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE MY FRIEND RACHEL BERRY!"

Her cheeks flame and her stomach swoops when she turns back to look at him, grinning her favorite lopsided grin at her before turning and continuing on his way. A few people smile at her as they pass, but she's left alone to open the basket in peace.

Inside she finds a few hot pink daisies tied together with gold string and a gold paper star. She sets them aside and pulls out a plastic container of hot pizza rolls and a chilled bottle of root beer.

She can't help the hearty laugh that escapes her mouth upon seeing her lunch. She remembers all the times Finn made her eat pizza rolls during their tutoring sessions. She'd never tried them before him, always finding them kind of gross, but she learned to love them and finished off many a bag along side Finn senior year.

His love for root beer he actually got from her. Her daddy always kept chilled bottles in the fridge that Finn would raid. She's gotten more than one lecture in her life about letting Finn drink them all.

She pops a pizza roll in her mouth and is delighted to find she still loves them while simultaneously being disgusted by them. She hasn't eaten them since her pregnancy when she, oddly enough, craved them constantly. She'd convinced herself that it was her longing for Finn manifesting itself in the form of a craving. Either way the nostalgia was just too much for her to handle afterwards.

It makes her laugh now, that Finn would think pizza rolls and root beer were the best first step to take to get back into her heart. She's glad to see he still has his dorkiness intact at least. She wants him to have changed, as in matured, but she would be saddened if he's lost the things that make him _Finn_.

She looks back in the basket after taking a sip of root beer, finding one more item at the bottom that she'd missed, a white envelope. It's another of Finn's letters.

She tries her best to remain expressionless as she reads, her peers going on about their business all around her.

It's the first letter Finn wrote her after coming to the realization that she would never receive anything that he sends her.

It's sad.

It makes her heart clench when he describes how disappointed he is in himself for leaving things with her the way he did. He talks about how lonely it is when all the guys around him are getting letters and pictures from their girlfriends and all he gets are letters returned to him with a big red "Return to Sender" stamp on them. He admits to her that it's probably his karma. She's inclined to agree, though won't be telling him that.

She stops breathing when he describes the way he can still feel her lips on his when he's alone in bed at night with his eyes closed. Her tells her it feels so real sometimes that he has to open his eyes just to make sure she isn't really somehow there. The sinking feeling he describes when he opens his eyes and sees she's _not _there is a feeling Rachel knows all too well, having experienced it for herself far too many times to count.

She reads the letter over again a few times before placing it back in its envelope and losing herself in thought. She can't help but wonder how things would be different now if her fathers had given her his letters, or if she would have let Kurt give him her address...even let Kurt pass on some of his letters himself. Would they be friends already? Would he have come home when he heard about Barbie? Would they be raising her together now...as a family?

She opens her phone and immediately goes to her pictures, flipping through a few before she finds the picture Angie sent her the other day. It's of Barbie eating a humongous chocolate ice cream cone. She has a huge, lopsided grin on her face, her mouth covered in chocolate. Rachel's heart hammers in her chest when she thinks of how much she looks like Finn. She should probably send him this. He knows now, she's absolutely certain he wants to be included. Maybe she should make him wait some more though. The pain of giving up her daughter without him runs much deeper than anything else he's done to her. It will be the most difficult for her to overcome, no doubt.

Her phone alarm beeps, alerting her that she only has ten minutes left until her next class. She packs everything up quickly, heading to her destination; she'll have to figure everything out later.

* * *

The last two weeks of school pass in a blur. Every day when she gets home from school though, Rachel finds something else waiting for her on her desk from Finn. One day it's balloons, the next a cupcake, another day a pack of gold star stickers and one day, a pair of knee high socks (surely he doesn't think she's going to wear these does he?).

One particular day she comes home to find a wooden frame containing a picture of she and Finn from high school and featuring the words "Best Friends" etched across the top. She rolls her eyes liberally at that one, setting it out of eyesight. She lasts about a minute, grumbling to herself under her breath about how absolutely idiotic that gift is, until she's holding it in her hands again, a ghost of a smile on her face as she studies the picture.

Regardless of the gift though, every day without fail, there is at least one new letter of Finn's for her to read. She wasn't sure how she felt about the letters at first, but now she eagerly looks forward to them. The letters are never in any sort of chronological order, he seems to just be picking them out of his box at random. She feels like she's getting a secret peek into his transition from scared boy into confident man, it's almost like she can feel it happening through the words on the pages. She can always guess fairly accurately around what year each letter was written without even looking at the date.

He tells her easy things, like how he's learning to play the guitar and how he's even written a few songs with some of his friends out there.

He also tells her heavy things, like about the first time he had to kill a man and how his sleep had been haunted by nightmares of the image ever since. He describes horrible things to her, the things that he's seen, and she understands more now why he says writing her these letters helped him. Not only did it make him feel close to her in some way, but it was also like a diary for him. She feels a bit privileged at being allowed a look into his innermost thoughts.

He knows she's reading the letters, but they never talk about them directly. They've gone to lunch together a couple times over the past two weeks, Noah always coming along to act as "chaperone." He has nothing to worry about, Finn has been nothing but a gentleman since the kiss the other night, but she always enjoys Noah's company, so it's fun. Plus she loves the way the boys interact with each other, it keeps her entertained.

She got a call yesterday when at lunch with them, informing her of her call back audition. They all three stood and hugged, jumping around like little kids in the middle of the restaurant. She's over the moon at the fact that she has something extra to celebrate tonight at her graduation party.

She just has to get through the ceremony first. Her dads and Shelby have all three come to support her, but thankfully declined her invitation to join them at the party. Rachel couldn't be more relieved. Though it's completely understandable, her dads are already giving her the third degree regarding Finn's reappearance into her life. _She's _not even really sure where they stand right now, she's in no mood to try to explain it to her fathers, who openly admit to having him at the top of their "shit list", as her daddy so eloquently calls it.

Most importantly though, she's relieved Shelby is leaving so that she doesn't have to worry anymore about Noah. She's already had to threaten his life several times over his relentless flirting, finally getting him to back down a little when she tells him he's going to suffer a slow and torturous death by her hands if he sleeps with her mother.

The ceremony passes quickly, her personal cheering section of her family, Kurt, Blaine, Noah and even Finn making it easy to spot them in the crowd with their impressively loud whooping and hollering when her name is announced. She looks at them beaming, her heart skipping a beat (or twenty-five) when she finds Finn, him quickly opening his already unbuttoned shirt to reveal his under shirt bearing big bold letters spelling "TEAM RACHEL" complete with two gold iron on stars.

She blushes furiously at the memory of the time she wore a homemade "Team Finn" shirt to one of Finn's basketball games. That game had ended with her being slushied by some of the popular kids, openly taunting her about her shirt. Finn never knew that happened though...he told her he thought it was cute, but she asked him to never speak of it again, much to his confusion.

She must admit _he _looks cute, smiling at her proudly while showing off his shirt. Everything he's done these past two weeks has been cute, but it's going to take a lot more than cute to be accepted back fully as _Finn. _Surely he knows that_._

Even still, the extra attention she's getting from him is fun. High school Rachel Berry could have only dreamed of Finn behaving like this. It makes her smile as she's getting ready for her party, Noah in the living room begging her to hurry up.

His jaw drops when she emerges from her room, "Damn Princess you look...deliciously fuckable tonight!" He grins, eyeing her brand new black mini dress and sky high pink heels (it's her signature color, it was love at first sight).

"Uhm, thanks Noah," she blushes, like she always does when he says things like that to her.

"Alright now take your perky little ass back into your room and change...and hurry."

"What? You _just said _I look delicious!"

"My point exactly! Hudson's gonna bust a nut in his pants when he sees you! He's far from earned that privilege yet. He's lucky I didn't bring out my nunchucks when I heard about that kiss!"

"Noah Puckerman! What happens in Finn's pants is none of our concern! I'm not going to let anything happen between us! I'm not anywhere near being ready for something like that with him!"

"You kissed him!"

"_He _kissed _me_, I just kissed back. It's a natural reaction when someone you love kisses you! Besides we were in the middle of an emotionally charged conversation that was _years _over due. We won't be all weird and intense around each other tonight."

"Fine Princess, we'll do this your way then. Tonight, I'm glue."

"Glue?"

"Yes, I'm sticking to you. Nobody makes a pass, gets a handful, none of that bull shit unless I say so."

"You're ridiculous you know."

"Whatever, you know you love me for it. Now let's go, you're the guest of honor, don't wanna keep the people waiting!"

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he smiles with a twinkle in his eyes.

* * *

She's absolutely beaming when the cab pulls up and drops them off at CallBacks. She hasn't been here in years, but their group spent countless nights here when she first moved to New York and Noah worked here. It holds such fond memories for her.

"We rented out the back," Noah grins.

"Just the back?"

"Of course, it's open mic night, we want as many people present as possible to hear the next Fanny Brice sing live!"

"Thank you Noah!" She cries, throwing her arms around him, before entering the party with him hand and hand.

Kurt has their section completely decked out. It's gorgeous, with the not surprising theme of gold stars. She can't help it, it's her thing. All of her best friends are there, some of her classmates, some friends she's made at Vogue dot com, and of course, the guys from the fire station.

She's having an absolute blast and the night only gets better when they turn off the music and begin open mic. Noah starts things off, getting up and dedicating "Sweet Caroline" to her.

"Five years ago I was working here when this hot little brunette waltzed in and turned my world upside down. She wasn't an easy one, but I finally convinced her to give the Puckster a chance. The night I sang her this song was the first night she let me take her home," he grins at her mischievously as the crowd hollers and makes cat calls. She looks at Finn next to her, jaw tensing a little as he keeps his eyes on Noah. Maybe it's the alcohol in her system, or maybe it's just funny, either way she cracks up laughing at his expression, causing him to turn and look at her in question.

"Nothing. Sorry," she grins at him, reaching over to squeeze his knee playfully before turning her attention back to Noah who's started talking again.

"She let me take her home_ a lot _after that. Right Princess?" He calls out to her in the crowd. She shoots him two thumbs up causing him to laugh before continuing, "We didn't last as a couple, but she's my best friend in the world now and I honestly can say I don't know how to live without her at this point." He reaches behind him to grab his beer, raising it in toast to her, "Rachel, you're the best person I know. I'm so proud of you and everything you've accomplished. Annnnnd you're some of the best sex I've ever had! I love you! This is for you!"

The crowd all yells "Cheers!" Clinking their glasses and singing along as Noah enthusiastically sings her her song.

Everyone takes a turn after that, Kurt and Blaine following Noah, singing an adorable duet of "Just Can't Get Enough." Even Sam takes everyone by surprise, getting up and getting the whole crowd to join in on his rousing rendition of "Red Solo Cup." She, of course, gets up and sings a few times herself, unable to ignore the way Finn looks at her while she's singing, but the way she brings down the house with "Don't Rain on my Parade" helps distract her from the affect it's having on her just a little bit.

Time passes, Rachel dancing with everyone as strangers get up and sing. She notices Noah acting a little strange before she notices Finn's absence.

"C'mon Rachel, let's go sit over here," Noah calls over the music, directing her to a table near the stage.

"Why? This isn't in our area," she grumbles, trying to not be obvious as she searches the crowd for Finn. He didn't leave did he?

"You're gonna wanna be close for this," he simply says.

She takes the seat Noah provides, him sitting next to her and ignoring her confused look.

Her confusion over Finn's disappearance and her table placement soon disappears when Finn suddenly emerges on stage before her, proudly sporting his "Team Rachel" shirt, having long ago ditched the dress shirt he was wearing over it.

"Hey guys," he calls into the microphone, "Hey can we quiet down for a minute? Thanks." He clears his throat awkwardly, looking between she and Noah. She sees Noah nod his head a little, seemingly giving Finn encouragement.

"As you guys know, most of us are here to celebrate Rachel. She and I go way back to high school. It's come to my attention recently that she has a very different view of the person she was back then, than I did...than I do. Instead of getting her a graduation present I decided I wanted to make her something. Make her something to show her how I see her...as the amazing, talented, kind hearted, strong, beautiful woman that she is. And I'm not the only one who thinks this. Check this out guys."

She watches with wide eyes as a big white screen comes down behind the stage area, Finn stepping to the side and the bartender cutting off the lights.

"What's happening?" She whispers to Noah.

"Don't worry, you're going to like this."

A video suddenly starts playing on the screen and she has to slap her hands over her mouth, tears immediately springing to her eyes.

It's a video of her Finn took one day when they were studying for one of his many exams. How could she have forgotten how he always had that damn flip cam with him? He must have _hours _of random footage.

She's sitting on the edge of her bed, wavy hair falling over her shoulders from under a yellow beret. Her sweater is plain, surprisingly, though she's wearing her signature mini skirt and knee socks.

She's cracking up laughing, Finn in the back ground chanting her name, daring her to stuff as many marshmallows in her mouth as she can at one time. She's laughing so hard tears are streaming down her face.

The video quickly moves on to other clips, them being silly at her house, him running lines with her, her baking his favorite cookies, even her practicing her Tony acceptance speech for him. She openly starts crying when footage of some of her glee club competition solos come up. She had no idea Finn ever even attended any of those. Why didn't he tell her?

She's crying, happy tears, as some of her favorite memories of school are playing out in front of her. Suddenly the screen cuts to a shot of Mr. Schuester, her old glee club coach. He smiles wide for the camera.

"Hi Rachel! I must say I was a little surprised when I got an email from Finn Hudson asking me to make a video about you, but I'm so happy to do it. You were my star pupil. Always smiling, always full of ideas, eager to learn and get better. You were always a bright light and I cannot wait to follow your career as you bring your light to Broadway and to the world. Congrats Rachel!"

She smiles brightly as Mercedes Jones pops up on screen next, "Hey girl! Congrats on your graduation! You always had dope pipes for a white girl and though I never told you, you served as an incredible source of inspiration and motivation for me. You made me strive to be better. Thank you for that! I miss your crazy and I wish you all the happiness and success in the world!"

She feels Finn watching her and she is nothing short of completely blown away at what's unfolding in front of her. She wants to look at him, but she can't take her eyes off the screen. She giggles as Artie Abrams pops up next.

"He was my first kiss," she whispers to Noah, not looking at him. His answering laugh makes her continue to giggle.

She watches in awe as more familiar faces pop up, telling her what she's meant to them. Tina from glee club, Kurt, Blaine, Noah. He even managed to get a video from Shelby. How did he manage to do all of this? When did he have time?

She knows the video is coming to an end when Finn's face pops up. She sucks in a sharp breath, Noah reaching over and placing his hand on her knee in support.

"Hey Rach, I hope you've liked this video. I hope you understand a little better now how people see you, how your friends see you. I had so much fun putting this video together. We had so much fun together back then, and damn if you didn't look hot in those little skirts and knee socks."

"YEAH MAN!" Noah shouts loudly from beside her, using his best Usher voice.

She's blushing furiously through her tears, looking up to meet Finn's gaze, him shrugging his shoulders and smirking at her.

"I still remember the first time I saw you. I've never told you this story, but I was walking down the hall, minding my own business and walking to class, when you came out of nowhere. You were wearing this little black and green skirt with a black turtle neck and your knee socks you always wore. I couldn't- I couldn't breathe when you walked by. I remember turning and looking at you when you passed. You were _beautiful _and I knew instantly you'd be a big part of my life. I...well without airing all of our dirty laundry since I'm not exactly sure who's all gonna be watching this...let me just say, messing up my chance with you is the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life. You're one of a kind. You're a star Rachel and you're unlike anyone else in this world. I meant it when I said I was ready to fight for you. I'll never stop. I'll be your acquaintance, your friend; whatever you need from me until the day you're ready to let me back into your heart. You've never left mine, not for a second. I've told you once and I'll tell you a million times over, I love you Rachel Barbra Berry. Congrats."

He's smiling at the camera as the video ends and the lights come back up, the room a mixture of cheers and "awws".

She's holding her breath, not sure of what to do when Noah leans over and whispers, "It's not over yet."

She watches in amazement as Finn walks back up to the microphone holding a guitar and leaning back on a stool.

"You thought that was all, huh?" He grins, the crowd cheering for him.

"I learned how to play guitar and write music while I was in Afghanistan.."

The crowd applauds wildly for him, showing their appreciation for his service, but he waves them off.

"Thanks guys. Anyway, I like to think I've gotten pretty good at it. This is- shit I'm nervous. I've never performed something I've written before." He laughs nervously. "This is something I've been working on. It's all for you Rach, so listen closely. I mean every word."

He strums the guitar and she can only keep the sobs at bay until his voice cuts in. She's clinging to Noah as he sings.

_Time, is going by, so much faster than I,_

_And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you._

_Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,_

_So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you._

_So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know..._

_You're never gonna be alone_

_From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,_

_I won't let you fall..._

_You're never gonna be alone_

_I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone._

_And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,_

_'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,_

_So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know..._

_You've gotta live every single day,_

_Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?_

_Don't let it slip away,_

_Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun._

_Every single day,_

_Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?_

_Tomorrow never comes..._

_Time, is going by, so much faster than I,_

_And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you._

_You're never gonna be alone_

_From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,_

_I won't let you fall._

_When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on._

_We're gonna see the world out,_

_I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone._

_I'm gonna be there always,_

_I won't be missing one more day,_

_I'm gonna be there always,_

_I won't be missing one more day._

His eyes on her are heavy and intense, watching her through every word he sings. Her entire body is on fire and she's absolutely overwhelmed by the million different emotions coursing through her veins right now.

"What do I do? What do I do?" She turns to Noah in a panic as the crowd erupts in cheers for Finn all around her.

"Look at me," Noah says calmly, cupping her cheek and directing her to look at him, "You say thank you Finn, that was lovely. Or whatever girly word you wanna say. That's all you have to do. You don't have to do anything else. _No one is expecting anything from you."_

"Thank you," she whispers.

"You're welcome," he smiles as he nods behind her. "He's coming, do I need to be glue?"

"No," she laughs, "I know you saw Santana come in earlier and are just dying to get to her."

"You're the best," he grins, leaning forward to place a chaste kiss on her cheek.

She watches him walk away, knowing Finn is waiting for her to turn and look at him.

"Hi," she whispers, when she finally turns to face him.

"Hi."

"That was...that was amazing Finn. Thank you so much, it means so much to me."

"You're very welcome."

"Your song was amazing. You know I always wondered what your singing voice sounded like. You're incredibly talented; you could have been in Glee club with me."

"You think so?"

"Absolutely."

He joins her then, telling her the story of how he got Shelby to agree to meet with him, until they hear the bartender yelling last call.

Noah appears out of nowhere then as if on cue, "C'mon princess, let me get you home so I can get back to Santana."

"I can get her home," Finn offers.

"No way man."

"I'm not gonna try anything Puck," he groans.

"It's okay Noah, Finn can take me."

Noah watches them skeptically for a minute before turning to look at Santana, waiting by the door. He exhales loudly, "Alright, but if I hear anything, _anything _about you stepping out of line, I'm coming for you."

"I know dude," Finn smirks.

They joke and laugh the entire cab ride to her place, but don't touch on anything serious. Finn insists on walking her to her door when they arrive to make sure she gets in safely.

They stand facing each other in front of her door before she finally speaks, "Thank you. Really, that was amazing and completely unexpected."

"You're welcome. I- I have a copy of the video on DVD I can give you if you- if you want it."

"I would love that."

"Okay. Are you gonna be okay in there alone?"

"Yes, I'll be fine, Noah won't be long...he never stays the night," she laughs. "Thank you though."

"Okay Rachel, get some sleep. Congrats again."

He turns to walk back to the elevator when she calls out for him.

"Finn!"

"Yeah?" He turns around and her heart clenches a little when she sees the hope sparkling in his eyes.

"I..." She laughs a little at herself because she has no idea why she's saying this to him right now, "I remember that day too."

"Which day?"

"You were wearing a white polo shirt and your varsity jacket. I was trying so hard not to stare and freak you out, but I couldn't take my eyes off of you."

"You remember that?"

"Yeah, I uhm...well anyways Angie has sent me a couple of pictures these last few weeks. I can...well, do you want me to send them to you?"

"Yes. Yes of course, thank you so much."

"I'll text you them before I lay down okay?"

"Thank you."

"Goodnight Finn," she smiles shyly, unlocking her door.

"Goodnight Rachel," he answers softly, holding his hand over his heart, He waits until he sees her door close and hears the lock click before turning and heading back downstairs.

* * *

**Finn's song is Nickelback's "Never gonna be Alone". It's not a Finchel fic 'til someone gets serenaded, right? :) I like to think what he has planned next isn't quite so predictable. And yes, the video they make for Sam in the atrocity that was season four was totally my inspiration for Finn's video.**

**Fun fact: "Sweet Caroline" was also the moment I fell in love with Puck ;) **


	6. Find Peace Again

**Title and quote from "Everything" by Lifehouse.**

* * *

_You are the light,_

_That's leading me,_

_To the place,_

_Where I find peace again._

"So I saw you leave the party with Finn the other night," Kurt says while shuffling through her closet. The way he's watching for her reaction out of the corner of his eye _totally_ betraying the casual tone of his voice. She'd asked him over to help her pick out what dress to wear for her call back later this week, but she should have known he would bring up Finn.

"I didn't 'leave the party with him'," she says while making air quotes with her fingers, "Noah wasn't coming home and it was late. I was alone and had been drinking a little so he offered to make sure I got home safe. Perfectly acceptable friend behavior."

"Oh come on Rachel, everyone knows you two aren't _just friends_. So fess up, a goodnight kiss? You can tell me, your secret is safe with me."

"First of all, you run and tell Blaine everything I say practically right after I say it, so no actually, it's not. And secondly, we are just friends. There was no kissing."

"So you're saying you're just friends...that at are in love with each other and have a daughter?"

"Right. _Just friends_."

"Oh please honey, you're trying to tell me you don't want to climb him like a tree every time you see him? Even _I_ used to have a thing for Finn back in the day."

"What?! You had a crush on your brother?"

"He _just_ became my brother, we aren't blood related! Besides, I said _used to_, don't try to take the heat off yourself and make this about me...Raaaachel."

"No, I don't!"

"Rachel Berry!"

"Fine okay! Yes! Yes, I want to climb him like the glorious California Redwood that he is every single time he's around! Have you seen him?! But I can't!"

"Says who? Everyone knows you two are meant to be together. Why delay the inevitable?"

"Because Kurt, it's not like he's just some ex-boyfriend of mine who's back in town. There's serious history there. I mean, I carried and had his daughter, gave her up for adoption all by myself, that's not something you just get over because he's ridiculously attractive. Last time I gave in to my attraction to him I got pregnant!"

"Scientists have discovered ways to avoid that you know," he says, winking so she knows he's just teasing her.

"I know Kurt," she whines, "it's not just that though. I'm still hurt. And if I'm being honest, I'm just so scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"That he'll do it again..." she whispers, looking down at her hands.

"Rachel, honey," Kurt says, leaving her closet to sit next to her on her bed, "I really don't think that's an issue. He loves you so much, can't you see that?"

"He said he loved me back then too, but he still left."

"Rachel, would you say that your heart is still broken?"

"Of course," she whispers, almost ashamed to admit it out loud.

"Have you ever thought that maybe the reason it's never worked out with anyone else, the reason your heart never healed is because the only one who can truly fix it is the one who broke it?"

"So you want me to just pretend like everything is easy?"

"Not at all. I'm just saying to think about it. You've lived with a broken heart long enough, wouldn't you say?"

She doesn't answer, just looks at him and sighs heavily. He knows that means she's through with the conversation, so he gets back up to head to her closet.

He's pulling dresses out, making commentary about each one that she should certainly be listening to, but she's distracted by the latest letter of Finn's that she's been holding onto all day. After the fifth dress he pulls out that gets no response from her, he finally calls her out.

"I do believe you asked me over here for my impeccable taste and always spot on fashion advice and yet, you can't get your nose out of those papers long enough to listen to me. Do pray tell what is so much more interesting than me?"

"It's one of Finn's letters. He mentions something briefly about being in the hospital in this one, do you know what he's talking about?"

"Of course, it was when he was in that really bad attack."

She's looking at him blankly, so he continues.

"Rachel, it's the one he won the Silver Star for. There was a piece on CNN about it and everything."

"Isn't the Silver Star one of the highest medals you can be awarded in the army?"

"It's up there, yes. He earned others too. How did you not know this?"

"I don't know! He's never told me anything about his time over there, everything I know I've read in these letters. What happened?"

"You can accuse that man of being many things, but being boastful is certainly not one of them," he sighs. "He doesn't like to talk about it, says he doesn't remember much. Basically his troop was attacked and he went into super hero mode and saved a bunch of his guy's lives, but he got pretty tore up because of it. He says he was running on pure adrenaline, didn't even realize he was shot until he woke up in a hospital bed. He got shot several times."

"Oh my God! I can't believe he's never told me he was shot!"

"Yes, I would say it's safe to assume Finn doesn't look the way you remember him looking shirtless."

"Is he...is he okay? He hasn't mentioned anything about having PTSD or anything and he seems to be fine. _Please_ tell me I'm not missing something here."

"I do know he sees an army therapist regularly and that he sometimes has nightmares, but no he hasn't been diagnosed with anything. It's a miracle if you ask me. All of it actually."

She looks down at the papers in her hand, silently reading over his words again.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asks, noticing the sudden change in her demeanor even without her speaking.

"Yes, I just..." She huffs a little in frustration, struggling to find the correct words to properly convey her feelings, "I've just been so determined to make him pay for the things I had to deal with without him that I've never stopped to think about the things he's had to deal with without someone by _his_ side."

"He definitely wronged you Rachel, but it is true that he was dealing with his own little piece of hell when he was gone. He certainly was not out chasing women and having fun."

"I know," she pauses. "He's a hero, isn't he?"

"I'd say so."

"Me too," she whispers, so low it's barely audible. She brings her hands up to her face then, rubbing her forehead in frustration. Finn Hudson is the only man in the entire universe she is actively wishing to not be in love with; how is it possible that Finn Hudson is also the only man in the entire universe with the ability to make her fall more in love with him, even when he isn't trying?

* * *

Finn called her yesterday when Kurt was over asking if she would come apartment hunting with him today. He still needs to find his own place and said a second opinion would really help him out. She thinks he's just trying to find an excuse to spend more time with her, but she agrees to go along anyway, despite Noah's insistence that they go at a time he could join them.

She meets him at Kurt and Blaine's first, wanting to drop off some fabric swatches Kurt had left at her place (she appreciates his offer to design and create a custom gown for her call back, but she finds a gown slightly unnecessary, not to mention completely impossible given the time frame).

She walks down the hall leading to the room that's served as Finn's for the last month or so after she drops the swatches off on Kurt's desk.

The door is sitting slightly open and she hears Finn moving around inside, so she pushes on the door to tell him she's ready when he is.

"Hey Finn I'm he-" her words die on her tongue as her eyes take in the image of Finn in front of her. His head snaps up at the sound of her voice, him standing in front of his wardrobe barefoot, clad only in a pair of dark wash jeans, unbuttoned and hanging open loosely enough to expose his plaid boxer shorts underneath.

She's mesmerized.

Kurt was right, Finn does look completely different shirtless than she remembers, but for more than just the reason he meant. She could tell his body had changed, even under his clothes, but seeing it like this is almost overwhelming to her delicate senses.

She realizes she's staring, probably with her mouth hanging open, when her eyes flick up to Finn's face and he's smirking at her just a little.

"I'm...I'm sorry," she blurts out, trying to shake the fog from her head, "the door wasn't closed so I thought it was...I should have knocked..."

"It's okay Rachel. It's not a big deal. Pretty sure you've seen me in less before anyway," he jokes, turning to face her completely.

Her feet are moving, completely without her permission and she finds herself standing toe to toe with him. "I've never seen this before," she whispers, reaching out to run her fingers lightly over the tribal tattoo he now has wrapped around his right bicep.

"No you haven't," he breathes, goose bumps breaking out over his skin at her light touch.

"I read your last letter," she continues to whisper, touching her fingers delicately over the small handful of bullet wounds littering his torso, "Kurt told me what happened."

He's silent as he watches her tiny fingers dance over his scars, his breath shaky.

"Does this hurt?"

He shakes his head no.

"It's a miracle you survived Finn. You're amazing...you're a hero."

"No I'm not."

"Of course you are."

"I did what anyone would do...protected my men. Never leave a man behind, right?"

"That's where you're wrong. Not everyone would have done that. People are selfish Finn. It's okay to be proud of yourself. What you did was amazing."

The air around them is thick and tense, but not in the negative way that it has been so much recently. Her fingers are still lightly running the open expanse of his chest, heaving up and down under her touch from his labored breathing.

She would be breathing just as heavy if she could catch her breath at all. She has no idea what she's doing or why she's doing it. He's captured her eyes in an intense staring match and she's fairly certain she's seconds from passing out due to the lack of oxygen getting to her brain.

She watches with wide eyes as he slowly brings his right hand up to touch her cheek, just as they hear Kurt screeching from down the hall, "You didn't bring back all the swatches Babs!"

They both jump back suddenly, feeling as though they've just been doused with gallons of ice water.

What is she doing?

"I'm gonna run to the, uhm to the bathroom," she mumbles, leaving his room as fast as she can without actually running.

She closes the door behind her as soon as she's in, leaning against it and throwing her head back in frustration.

"What am I doing, what am I doing?" She asks out loud, chest heaving as the oxygen finally starts flowing again now that she's a safe distance from Finn.

Kurt's words from yesterday ring in her head "_Why delay the inevitable...He loves you so much can't you see that...the only one who can truly fix it is the one who broke it...you've lived with a broken heart long enough..."_

No, she can't let Kurt's words cloud her judgement. All she gets is hurt when she gives in to the feelings Finn evokes inside her. That's how it's always been...she's just not ready to see if that's how it'll always be. Not yet. She has to get herself under control.

She leans over the sink, looking at herself in the mirror, "You're an adult Rachel, get yourself together. You're not a weak little girl anymore. Don't give in to him." She repeats this several times until she feels confident that she believes it. She takes a deep breath and heads back out into the hall.

As soon as she turns the corner into the living room she catches sight of Finn, finally fully dressed. All he's done is buttoned his pants, thrown on some black converse and a black v-neck t-shirt, yet he still looks like he's ready to walk the runway.

He turns when he hears her coming and smiles wide, "Hey, you okay?"

"Oh you've got to be kidding me," she grumbles, feeling all the progress she's just made in the bathroom slipping out of her grasp.

"What?" He asks puzzled.

"Nothing," she huffs, "Come on, let's go find you an apartment."

* * *

They tour several apartments, Finn asking for Rachel's opinion on each one. By the tenth apartment, Rachel finally says something about it. The realtor has taken a step outside to take a phone call, giving them a few moments of privacy.

"I think she thinks we're a couple," she says, nodding her head in the direction the realtor just disappeared.

"Really?" He shrugs.

"Yeah, probably because you keep asking me if I like everything."

"I want to know your opinion, that's the whole reason I asked you to come."

"Well, have you liked any of them? You're going to be the one living in it."

"You're gonna be here a lot too. You know, uhm visiting and stuff. With friends. Because we're friends. F-friends hang out at each other's places you know." He's stumbling over his words and she hates how she finds it so cute.

This friendship thing is getting harder, damn him.

"I kinda like this one," he says, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Me too," she agrees looking around.

She can feel his eyes on her as she walks around, knowing he's working up the nerve to say something else to her.

"Let me take you out on Thursday."

"Out? Like on a date?"

"A date. A friend date. Whatever you want it to be."

"Oh...Okay well, no pressure right?"

He laughs then, smiling at her, "Why do we have to put a label on it? I just want to take you to dinner and a show. That's a New York thing to do, huh? A nice friendly evening."

"A show you say?"

"Yeah. I think I found one you'll really like."

"Which one? I haven't been in so long. It may serve as great motivation for my audition Friday morning."

"You're right, it might. And I'm not telling, not yet. It's on a limited run, but I have a feeling you'll love it. Oh and don't worry, I know what you're thinking and I've already cleared it with Puck."

"You've already gotten Noah's blessing? So you've been planning this?"

"More than you know."

"Hmmmm well I suppose it would be a shame if I let all that work go to waste."

"It really would."

"Okay, then it's a date. A FRIEND date," she smiles.

The realtor chooses that moment to come back in, asking Finn and Rachel what they think of the place.

"We like it," Finn says, looking over his shoulder at Rachel and winking, "let's talk specifics."

* * *

She's incredibly nervous waiting for Finn to arrive so they can leave for their date. Their friend date. It's just an evening...two friends spending an evening out together. She does this with Noah all the time. She does this with Kurt and Blaine all the time. There's no need to panic.

She jumps when she hears a knock on the door, thankful that Noah isn't there to make fun of her. She checks out the peephole to make sure it's Finn before opening the door for him.

"Wow Rachel, you look beautiful," he breathes when he sees her, "not that I'm surprised though. You always look beautiful."

"Thank you Finn," she blushes, opening the door wider so he can come in.

"Do you know where Puck left his keys?"

"What?"

"Nevermind here they are," he replies, grabbing the keys laying on the kitchen counter.

"We aren't taking a cab? Aren't we just going to Broadway?"

"No actually, we're not."

"Oh, we aren't?"

"No it's something more in the...uhm community theater circuit I guess you could say."

"Oh...okay...that sounds...interesting, I guess."

"Trust me Rach, have I ever let you down before?...Wait! No, please don't answer that," he mumbles, realizing what he's said, "Please just, come with me. I don't think you'll be disappointed."

"Okay," she smiles shyly, "I am awful curious as to what you have up your sleeve. Noah wouldn't tell me anything no matter how hard I begged."

"Good," he grins, "let's go."

She has more fun in the car with Finn than she'd like to admit. It's the first time in a long time she's allowed herself to let go completely and just, have fun. It reminds her of how they were in high school.

He sings along to every song on the radio, drumming against the steering wheel and she can't help but join in, singing and dancing along.

It's fun.

So much fun that it takes her awhile before she realizes they've been in the car for a long time.

Finally she says, "Where the heck are we going?"

"We're almost there. Hold your horses," he teases.

She gets an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach the second they pull into a parking spot. It's a feeling she's never had before...she can't describe it.

"Finn," she says slowly, "what are we doing at a community center this far outside of the city? And why is hardly anyone here?"

"There's hardly anyone here because it's still early. I wanted time to talk to you about this first...to make sure it will be okay."

"Finn..."

He reaches over and grabs her hand then, her brushing off her immediate impulse to pull her hand away. His touch is warm and gentle and it instantly helps calm her.

"Rachel, we don't have to go in there if you don't want to, but I think that'd be a mistake. I think this is something you don't want to miss, I know I definitely don't want to miss it."

"You're scaring me Finn," she whispers.

He reaches into the glove box then and pulls out a red program and hands it to her.

"I got an advanced copy," he grins a little.

She looks down at the program, her heart pounding in her chest so loud she can hardly think straight.

"We're seeing a children's production of Annie?"

"Open the program Rach."

She's certain she knows where this is leading, but...how?

Sure enough she looks down at the first page and reads aloud "Annie, starring Barbie Christine Monroe as the Little Orphan Annie."

She slaps her hand over her mouth as a sob rips through her throat. Finn reaches over and rubs her back soothingly, giving her a moment to process what this night means.

"I don't, I don't understand. I don't understand Finn. I'm not...I'm not ready, I don't know if I can meet her tonight and what about Tom and-"

"Rachel...Rachel breathe," he says calmly, taking both of her hands in between his now. "I'll explain everything okay, just breathe and look at me."

"Okay," she exhales loudly.

"We aren't meeting her, she can't know we're here."

"Okay..."

"I met with Tom and Angie the other day."

"You did? How?"

"I got Angie's email address from that first video you forwarded me. I sent her a message and we set up a meeting. I explained where I've been, I explained everything. They told me about this and well, Rachel I can't imagine not being present for our daughter's first time on stage...besides I...I really would love to see her in person and I- I know you haven't seen her in person since, well since you had her. Don't you- I mean do you want to see her?"

"Of course I do," she wails as a sob rips through her throat. She looks at Finn, his eyes shining at her with his own unshed tears.

"We can sit in the back and if at anytime we need to leave, we can just sneak out. We'll just smile and nod politely if we see Tom and Angie, they know we're coming. We don't have to bring any attention to ourselves."

"I can't believe you did this Finn. Thank you so much," she whispers.

"Rachel, when I was gone, _every single day _I thought about how mad I was at myself that I hurt you...that I, that I just left you. I would think about how I had to do everything I could to be the best soldier because I fucking hated myself. I had to make it worth it in _someone's_ eyes. I would daydream about how I'd win you back when I came home but- God Rachel when I found out about our daughter I...Rachel I'll never be able to forgive myself. I've never hated myself more. You have to believe that I would have done anything and everything possible to be here with you _both_ had I known. But I...I can't change that now, no matter how much I want to. I can only do what I can do _now_. And you...the stage is your _life_ Rachel, I can't let you miss your babygirl's debut. I can't let that happen."

She can't find her words, not through how heavy she's crying. She lunges forward for Finn, taking refuge in his warm embrace. She doesnt care that it feels amazing in his arms. She doesn't care that it feels perfect, that it feels like home. She's not berating herself for any of these thoughts, because Finn is giving her something amazing and she's so grateful.

She pulls back eventually, a little reluctantly if she's being honest.

"It's crazy isn't it?" She says, reaching over to wipe a stray tear from Finn's cheek, "She's only five and she has a leading role!"

"Was five year old Rachel Berry not leading lady ready?"

"Of course! I had my first lead at three and a half!"

"Exactly," Finn smiles sweetly, "she may look like me, but from what I've been told, she's a lot like you."

She smiles at him, unable to speak through her emotions at the moment. She can't think of a word to accurately describe how she feels about getting to watch Barbie perform tonight and the fact that she gets to do so with Finn by her side is nearly overwhelming. It's a night like she's only dreamed of.

"Are you sure this is something you can handle? We can...we can pick a safe word if you want."

"A safe word?" She asks confused, turning away from the rear view mirror she's opened to see to fix her makeup.

"Yeah. A word we say when it's become too much and we need to step out. So the people around us don't think we're weird, running out crying."

"That's probably a good idea actually," she muses, "what about phone call? We'll say we need to take a phone call?"

"Perfect. So, are you ready for this?"

She checks her appearance one more time, sucking in a deep breath.

"I'm absolutely terrified...but there's not one ounce of me that wants to miss this. Let's go."

He smiles at her before jumping out of the car and jogging to her side, opening her door and helping her out.

She's grabs his hand in hers as they're walking in, selfishly taking the strength and comfort it provides, hoping he has some saved up for himself. There's a small part of her still, the bitter part, that thinks he doesn't deserve to feel emotional about this, but she knows that's wrong. She's his daughter too. Though the scars they bear on their bodies are different, they still cut just as deep.

She's wished horrible things on Finn for years, but the longer he's around her now and the more he keeps showing her that he's changed, the harder she's finding it to keep that up.

She loves him. Its undeniable. She's never stopped. And she doesn't wish ill on him. She wants him to be happy. She wants _herself_ to be happy. And right now, her hand in Finn's and the way he's gently caressing her knuckles with his thumb is making her _happy_.

They find two seats in the back row near the exit. She allows her hand to stay in Finn's when they sit despite the tingles the contact is creating throughout every inch of her body. While under normal circumstances Finn induced tingles cloud her brain so much she can hardly function, but right now they are on the back-burner as her stomach is rolling with butterflies at the thought of seeing Barbie before her in just a few short minutes.

When the lights go down and the director comes out on stage to welcome the audience, Finn squeezes her hand and turns to smile at her.

"You okay?"

"Yes, yes I'm just excited. And nervous. Terrified actually, but really excited."

"Me too, but I'm here with you every step of the way. Just say the word and we'll go take a phone call if we need to," he winks.

She smiles at him, squeezing his hand back. If she didn't know him so well, she would think he was totally cool and under control right now, his voice calm and strong. But she does know him, she recognizes the way he keeps licking his lips nervously and reaching up to rub the back of his neck with his free hand. Not to mention the tears still glittering in his eyes, practically begging to be released. He's trying so hard to be strong for her and it means so much to her.

She's not sure how she's going to react when she sees Barbie. If she's being honest, she's afraid she won't be able to sit through much, but the second she appears before them on stage they are both captivated.

Rachel couldn't take her eyes off of her if her own life was hanging in the balance. She's wearing a red curly wig to fit the role, but her face is all Finn and her voice is undeniably Rachel's.

She's able to peel her eyes away once, just to see how Finn is doing. He looks much the way she imagines herself to appear to the rest of the crowd. He's absolutely enthralled by the little orphan Annie, his mouth even hanging open a bit.

She's able to keep the lump in her throat at bay by swallowing over and over and concentrating on how absolutely magnificent her daughter is on that stage. She's radiating confidence and charisma; talent and stage presence far beyond her five years.

Rachel has never been more proud of anything or anyone in her whole entire life.

When the entire cast takes a bow at the end, Rachel is immediately on her feet, pulling Finn's hand and mumbling something to him about a phone call.

She drags him like a rag doll to the nearest door she can find outside the auditorium and throws herself in his arms the second the door is closed, finally allowing herself to react.

She's sobbing, clinging to Finn for dear life as he holds her back just as tight.

"Thank you Finn. Thank you so, so much," she's crying over and over again as he squeezes her in his arms. She pulls back for a moment and looks him deep in his eyes. She can see he's trying so hard to keep it together.

"Finn," she whispers, touching his face lightly with her right hand, "You don't have to be strong for me. You can let go. It's okay."

He smiles at her, a beautiful, sad smile as the dam breaks and the tears he's been holding back all evening rush down his cheeks.

"She was amazing," he chokes out, "I can't...I can't believe we made her."

"I know," she whispers, leaning back into Finn's chest, allowing him to curl himself back around her.

They stand there in the dark room holding each other and crying until Finn finally pulls back. "We should probably get to the car. Uhm I don't wanna get us locked in this building or anything."

"You're right," she exhales, wiping at her face, trying her best to remove any evidence of tears, "do I look okay?"

"You look beautiful," he answers, not missing a beat.

He opens the door for her, confidently wrapping his hand around hers and leading her to the car.

"Will you be okay to drive?" She asks in a small voice.

"Yeah...yeah I'm good," he exhales, rubbing his eyes.

"Thank you Finn. Really. I thought your video and song were incredible, but this was...this was just beyond anything I ever could have hoped for. It was...Finn I can't even find the words to describe what this meant to me."

"This night meant a lot to me too, for more reason than one. Thank you for going in there with me and for...just for everything Rachel."

They share a sweet smile before Finn puts the car in reverse, backing out of the space and heading back towards the city.

"So I planned to take you out to dinner, but do you feel like doing that still?"

"Would it hurt your feelings if I say no? I'm just emotionally exhausted, and well, I look a little like a raccoon," she replies as she pulls down the visor mirror and sees the makeup smeared under her eyes.

"It's okay, I understand."

She can hear the disappointment in Finn's voice and she'd be lying if she said she was ready to part ways with him for the night. What he did tonight was really special.

"We could order food. Hang out at my place. Would you want to?"

"Really?"

"Of course!"

"Yeah, that sounds perfect."

By the time Finn is pulling the car back in Noah's spot they have thoroughly discussed every scene and song of Barbie's and why she's going to be the next great star of stage and screen.

They're laughing as they walk into the apartment, comparing Barbie's hand movements when she sings to Rachel's, both missing Noah sitting on the couch, smiling at them.

"Hey love birds," Noah calls, grinning as he takes a bite of his sandwich.

"Noah," Rachel hisses, suddenly extremely aware of how she's still holding Finn's hand despite being in the safety of her own apartment. She drops it immediately. "What have I told you about eating in the living room and putting your feet on the coffee table?!"

Noah just smirks, raising an eyebrow in question at Finn when Rachel turns to sit her purse down. Finn grins in response, shooting him a thumbs up.

"We're gonna order take out, you want anything?" Finn asks Noah once Rachel is facing them again.

"Uh, no I'm good. I'm gonna go take a shower and, uh I got some things to do in my room."

"Noah please don't masturbate in your room when we're right here, I don't want to hear that again."

Finn tries to stifle a laugh as Noah glares at him, looking back at Rachel, "Was just trying to give you guys some space Princess, but thanks for that."

Rachel giggles as he heads to the bathroom and she hands Finn some menus so they can decide what to eat.

They decide on the little Italian cafe that's a block over from Rachel's apartment and has free delivery. They spend the rest of the evening watching movies on tv, eating spaghetti and talking about the dinner Finn had with Tom and Angie.

It's getting late and Rachel suddenly realizes she's incredibly nervous for their goodbye. It's been an incredible night, Finn's actions making her so, so happy, but she's scared he's going to try and kiss her and she's just not sure if she's ready for that yet. She doesn't want to hurt his feelings though. She desperately hopes he understands.

She's starting to freak out internally, running through a million different scenarios in her head that could unfold this evening when Finn cuts in, "It's getting late Rach. Let me help you pick all this up and I'll get out of your hair."

They clean up their mess in silence, standing in the kitchen and looking at each other awkwardly for a moment before Finn clears his throat. "I have something I want to ask you Rachel."

"Okay..."

"You know when you're a teenager, your parents spend all their time telling you that you don't know it all like you think you do. But you know, at the time you really think that you do. You really think you understand everything and how the world works, but you really don't...you realize later."

She swallows the lump forming in her throat as he coughs a little nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck again.

"I think about the person I was back then and I...I don't even recognize him Rachel. I know why he says he did the things he did, but I don't understand them anymore...he reacted to pretty much everything differently than how I would now. I don't know who that guy is anymore and I...God I just wish I could go back in time and fix everything he messed up, especially with you."

He looks her straight in the eyes then and her heart rate immediately triples in speed. Her stomach begins churning nervously... why is he saying this?

"There's not any time machines though, not that I know of at least, so I can only do my best to make up for what he did. Starting with this..."

Rachel watches with wide eyes as he reaches into his suit jacket and pulls out a small box, kneeling down in front of her on one knee. When he looks up at her with hopeful eyes and that glorious smile, she sways a little on her feet.

She's going to pass out.

He isn't about to propose is he? Marriage? She can't...she won't...she couldn't...why would he think this is a good idea right now?

"Rachel Barbra Berry," he says, reaching out to take her left hand in his, "will you do me the great honor of...being my date to the prom?"

Wait...what?

"The prom?" She whispers, watching confused as Finn pops open the box, revealing a large, red Ring Pop.

"Yeah, the prom," he smiles, kissing her hand lightly before sliding the Ring Pop on and standing back to his full height.

"I don't understand," she says, a smile breaking out across her face at the ring and him, despite her intense confusion.

"I spent the majority of my time in high school with the wrong girl. I took the wrong girl to prom. It should have been you. I _wanted_ it to be you. So we're having a re-do."

"A re-do?"

"Yeah. Next week. Here. Don't worry about anything, I'm taking care of all the details and Kurt's gonna get you ready. You don't have to do a thing but show up. Well, and be my date...please?"

"Finn..." she breathes. How many times will this man leave her speechless?

"Look, I learned how to slow dance from this beautiful girl back in the day and I think it'd just be a crime if I never showed her what I learned. She needs to see this in action, don't ya think?" He grins, motioning from his head to his toes. "The wedding doesn't count," he adds quickly under his breath.

"It would be criminal if she missed it," she smiles.

"Yeah? So you'll be my date?"

"Yes Finn, I'll be your prom date."

He closes the gap between them and scoops her up into his arms, twirling her around before sitting her back down on her feet.

"I'll see you soon?" He whispers, leaning his head down dangerously close to her own.

"Yes," she breathes, unable to say anything else.

"Goodnight Rach. I had a great time with you tonight."

He leans down and kisses her on the cheek, lingering a bit before pulling back and heading to to the door to let himself out.

Noah finds her in the kitchen, staring at the door with her hand on her cheek. He smirks at the sight of her as he gets a beer from the fridge, "You're welcome Princess. I forgive you for your little jab at me."

"Thank you Noah," she blushes, a little embarrassed at having been caught in her Finn induced trance.

She begins walking to her room when Noah calls out to her, "Good night I take it?"

She turns and beams at him when she makes it to her doorway, "Yes. Tonight was a good night."

* * *

**Thanks so much for keeping up with this! I hope you're enjoying it! I probably won't post the next chapter until after next weekend. This story has been pretty angsty and I don't think we need anymore added angst to an already hard day, as it will probably be pretty sad for all of us.**

**I do have an idea for a one shot I might get out in time for the weekend though. Just something cute and fluffy to celebrate Finn with. I'm not one to write about real people (although I miss Cory more than is probably healthy for one who never knew him personally), but I have no shame writing about our beloved Finn Hudson. I know it will be too hard for some to read fanfiction, but I also know it's been healing for some of us (including me) so I hope I can get it out for you guys in time!**


	7. The Winds of Change

**Possible Finn related trigger warning for the last part of this chapter you guys. (Also slight spoiler warning for this disclaimer, there's no way to explain the TW without it). I tried my hardest to rewrite the story without this part, but I couldn't. It's the story that wants to be told. I did get Rachel to tone down her dramatics quite a bit though, so I think that helped. Some of you might not think anything of this chapter at all and I hope you don't, but I know some of us are more sensitive than others (especially given the anniversary that just passed) so if you do not think you can handle reading about the possible repercussions of the job Finn & Puck have and how that would affect Rachel, please stop reading after the prom, but I can assure you, Finn will always, always have his happy ending in my fics! I promise! I wouldn't do that to Finn (or you!)**

**(Stars being the ONLY exception)**

**In other news, story rated M for more than just Puck's dirty mouth!**

**Chapter title and quote from "Make you feel my love" by Bob Dylan**

* * *

_The storms are raging on the rolling sea_

_And on the highway of regret_

_The winds of change are blowing wild and free_

_You ain't seen nothing like me yet_

Rachel struts out of the theater feeling on top of the world! She'd impressed the producer and casting director so much with her vocal audition, they had her stay after and immediately have a chemistry read with the male lead.

Now she knows she's often guilty of being a little too confident, a little too sure of herself for some people when it comes to her talent, but there's no way around this. She did amazing!

Fanny Brice is so close to being hers she can taste it!

She's so absorbed in her thoughts that she completely misses the handsome mohawked man leaning against the outside wall of the theater, holding a single pink rose.

"Yo Princess!"

"Noah!" She calls in surprise, turning around and jogging back to him. "I didn't even see you there! What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to congratulate my best friend on a kick ass audition I'm sure," he grins, holding out the rose to her.

"Noah Puckerman, are you trying to charm me back into your bed?"

"Why? Is it working?"

"Nope," she grins.

"Yeah I figured those days were gone," he shrugs, "good thing this is just an early congrats on the role _I know_ you're gonna get. Besides, the lady told me pink was the friendship color of roses."

"She was right," she smiles, "thank you so much. It's beautiful."

"Can I take you to lunch?"

"If you're buying!"

Noah simply laughs, holding his arm out for her to loop hers through. They both know where they're going without asking. There's a little sushi shop a couple blocks down from their apartment; it's a hidden little gem and they're absolute favorite place to go.

Once they're seated and already making a dent in their bowl of edamame, Noah starts with exactly what she knew was coming.

"So...you said last night was a good night?"

"Yes, it was. I don't know...I feel like seeing my daughter on stage like that last night made me push myself even more today. I want to do this for more than just myself now. Does that make sense?"

"Of course. That's one of the reasons I changed my mind about it."

"What do you mean, changed your mind?"

"When Finn first told me about it I told him to fuck off."

"Why?" She gasps.

"Because I thought, where does this prick get off just waltzing back into town and thinking this is a good idea. But then I realized it's _you_ we're talking about."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Rachel, you have a very detailed scrapbook of every picture her parents have ever sent you. It's decorated with all kinds of stickers and ribbons and girly shit. You have all the videos organized by date and burned onto DVDs. You want to experience as much of her as you can. And you're a performer. You woulda been really upset if all you got from last night had been a picture or a thirty second clip. You wouldn't have said anything, but I know you."

She's silent as she watches him pop a few more soy beans in his mouth.

"Performing is _you_. It's what you live, eat and breathe. It would be like me having a son and missing the first time he gets a chick's phone number."

"Oh my God," she laughs. "I'm not sure if it's the same, but yes. I agree with everything you said."

"You know...I think it's time I bow out of all this. It's all up to you now."

Their conversation halts temporarily as the waitress arrives, placing their meals down in front of them. Once she refills their drinks and turns to leave the table, Rachel looks at Noah in question.

"What's up to me?"

"If you decide to forgive him or not. I'll still give him shit about you and all that, because it's fun, but I...I think he's okay Rachel. I think he's good for you. _Now_. I think he was a dip shit back then, but I think...I think he could be good for you."

She doesn't say anything, just keeps looking at him, mulling over his words in her head. She knows it makes him nervous when she does this, so she expects the awkward tug on his mohawk and for him to go on a bit of a tangent off what he just said.

He doesn't disappoint.

"I know it sounds cheesey and all, but I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. I mean, shit I know he fucked up back then Rachel, but think of how different everything would be if he didn't?"

She still doesn't reply, so he continues. She really is curious to see where he's going with this.

"For starters, if he woulda said fuck off to that Quinn chick, you wouldn't have respected him. Not if you both knew she was pregnant and thought it was his. And if he wouldn't have dealt with his issues with his dad, who knows what the fuck would have happened to him. What the hell he'd be doing with his life right now. Right? You and I would have never dated. This friendship would have never formed then and really, can you imagine life without me?"

She can't help but crack a smile at that one. He has a point.

"And what about...what about what's their names? Tom and Angie? Didn't you say they got pregnant right out of college and she miscarried and she's never been able to get pregnant since? Barbie probably saved their marriage, their _lives_. She's a miracle to them. Do I...am I making any fucking sense to you right now or are you just gonna keep staring at me like that? And don't even try to give me that I'm picking his side bullshit, that's not what this is. You'll always be my number one and I'll still fucking kill him if he ever hurts you again."

"I know Noah, I know. And you're right...Can I...can I tell you a secret?" She finally whispers after making him sweat just a little bit more. She has to get her fun in where she can.

He nods in response.

"I've already forgiven him."

"What?! Does he know?"

"No, he doesn't know. I've forgiven him, but I haven't _forgotten_. I'm still just not ready yet. And he deserves to sweat it out a little bit longer I think."

"That's my girl," he grins, mouth full of sashimi now that he's confident he's not in trouble with her. "But when? Why?"

"Did I ever tell you what he did when I told him about Barbie?"

"Not really."

"He cried. Like big, ugly sobbing- cried. For a long time and he just kept saying how sorry he was over and over."

"That's what made you forgive him?" Noah asks, not impressed.

"Noah I...in hindsight, I only knew I was pregnant for a week or two before he left. When he left I just...I gave up. I never once tried to tell him again. He had _no idea_ I was carrying his baby. I'd never had sex before him and he'd only slept with Quinn once. Who thinks you're going to get pregnant the first couple times? Some people try for _years_ to conceive. He'd already been tricked into believing it happened with Quinn. I don't even think it happening to me was even a possibility in his mind at that point."

"I get that, but he left. How were you supposed to tell him?"

"I don't know! But I shouldn't have just given up! I've stayed in contact with his mom all these years...never once mentioned it to her or asked how to contact him. Kurt asked me if I minded him passing my info on to him and I almost shred his favorite designer scarf! I...I had opportunities to tell him and I just didn't take them because I was so mad at him. I just wanted him to show up at my doorstep or something and he never did so I stayed angry. He has a _five_ year old daughter Noah and nobody even bothered to tell him at any point during those five years. I'm not saying he hasn't done a million things wrong to me in the past, but wronging someone in return to spite them doesn't make any of it right...he would have been well within his rights to be upset with me also. At least a little bit."

"Wow. I guess I never thought about it that way," he breathes, letting everything she just said absorb in his brain.

"What I'm trying to say is, when he didn't lash out on me or blame me at all, I knew he was different. He's grown up a lot and it's evident to me in everything he does and everything he says now. I've forgiven him. I'm just still trying to figure out what to do with that, what that means for us. I'm not sure I'm ready for him to know I've forgiven him yet."

"That makes sense. You've thought about this a lot huh?"

She nods.

"You know what Princess? I think that means you've grown up some too."

He's being sincere, she knows, but he's grinning and this conversation has gotten a little too heavy for her liking. She just wants to get back to the light, playful lunch this was supposed to be. A celebration of her audition. She thinks about Finn enough as it is, so she makes a face and throws a soy bean at him.

"Thanks _Dad_!"

"Ha! You're welcome _sweetie_, but now that I know Finn has been forgiven, I'm gonna be watching you extra hard on prom night!"

She throws her head back laughing at him, looking back at him with a smile, "I just said I'm not ready to even let him know he's forgiven yet. Nothing scandalous will be happening on prom night I can assure you."

"Yeah, yeah. We'll see about that Princess."

* * *

The next week passes in a blur. Her fathers having taken it upon themselves to call her everyday and play Finn police. Every day she asks them to please calm down and allow her to handle the situation how she sees fit.

Kurt, for his part, has apparently taken his role of getting her ready for prom extremely seriously, having her meet with him at least once a day to try on dresses and different make up looks. It's a bit ridiculous; this is not a wedding, it's a bunch of twenty-four and twenty-five year olds recreating prom, but Kurt is having fun so she plays along. Plus it helps keep her mind occupied off other things...like her broadway fate, her dads, and of course, Finn.

What can she say about Finn at this point?

He's everything he was in high school that made her fall in love with him, and then some. He's been nothing but sweet, generous, supportive, attentive and even doting. She used to think that there was no way she could ever accept him back into her life, but now that he is back, she's questioning how she ever actually got along without him in the first place.

She likes this. Getting to know each other all over again and strengthening the bond that never really went away. It's good for them. They've had many long conversations about the years they spent apart. She thinks they understand each other more now; she certainly understands _him_ better.

Noah was right. Maybe everything does happen for a reason. Though she'll never agree with the way Finn just up and left, perhaps he would have done even more damage to his loved ones had he stayed. And though she'll carry the pain of giving up her first born until the day she dies, she knows in her heart she made the right decision. Tom and Angie are able to give Barbie a life and opportunities that she couldn't back then; a life she _still_ doesn't have to give now. Even if Finn would have known and stayed, they would have been two kids without jobs or money, no home of their own and no direction (at least in Finn's case). With Tom and Angie, Barbie wants and needs for nothing; she is loved and cherished and that's evident even to Rachel. One day she will know how much she is loved and cherished by Rachel and Finn as well, even if it's only as her silly Uncle Finn and Aunt Rachel. She will be the most loved child ever.

It's thoughts of Barbie that are making it the most difficult for Rachel to move forward with Finn in any capacity besides friendship. She's carried around this grudge for six years, forgiveness was something she needed to give for her own peace of mind. As she told Noah though, that certainly does not mean things have been forgotten. She doesn't know where to go from here.

It's difficult though. He's always possessed the ability to turn her into a puddle at his feet just by smiling at her, but their physical chemistry is even more intense now than she remembers it being. It's so electric, she's convinced she can actually hear it crackling in the air around them when he's near her. She wants, so badly, to just reach out and touch him, kiss him, _love_ him the way she's only let herself dream about in her weakest moments these past six years..but she won't. Not yet. She's not sure when she'll be ready, but she knows it's not now.

So she keeps fighting it..and he's being _such_ a gentleman about it. She knows he feels it too, can tell by the way she always catches him looking at her, the way he licks his lips constantly when she's close and how he's always finding excuses to touch her; picking imaginary lint off her shirt or pulling off a stray, loose hair from her skirt.

She can't deny it's a little fun to see him squirm like this. She likes being the one in control, having the power to say yes or no. Since the kiss in the kitchen, he hasn't tried anything, completely respecting her boundaries and letting her set the pace. They're just friends right now after all.

But friends aren't supposed to be this attracted to each other and they certainly aren't supposed to constantly reminisce about any sexual encounters they've had in the past. Finn was her first sexual experience, himself still new to it all and adorably clumsy, yet she still remembers their night together as overwhelming passionate and..._satisfying_. It makes her whole body flush when she thinks of how an adult Finn with more experience will be able to make her feel. She's certainly learned a few things since then that she's sure he'd like.

Their night together had been nothing but strictly sex, both so eager and with one goal in mind, they skipped right over the foreplay. She's always wondered how Finn...

No! No, she has to stop thinking like this! She's trying to get to sleep, prom is tomorrow and she wants to look rested and beautiful, she shouldn't keep herself up, torturing herself with these thoughts of Finn she knows she shouldn't, and won't, act on.

She's trying desperately to turn her brain off, squeezing her eyes shut and willing sleep to come when her bedroom door is thrown open, slamming against the wall and knocking down a couple pictures.

"Finn!" She shrieks, shooting up in bed and pulling her comforter around her. She's only wearing a thin, sheer sleep bra and matching panties, she doesn't trust herself being around him in this little of clothing. _Especially_ when he's wearing _that._

What on Earth is he thinking?

"Where's your shirt Finn?" She breathes, unconsciously biting her lip as she takes in his toned form in front of her, clad only in the pants, boots and suspenders from his uniform and nothing else.

"Rachel," her name comes out of his mouth husky and full of need. He doesn't answer her question, just crawls onto the bed with her, yanking the blanket back and exposing her body to him.

"What're you...what're you doing?" She stammers as he kisses lightly up her jaw, stopping when his mouth is right at her ear.

"I can't fight this anymore Rachel. Please don't make me," he whispers, sending chills all over her body.

"Finn," she whines as he starts kissing her neck. She knows she should make him stop. Make _this_ stop, but he's already dropped his hand down between her legs and is slowly rubbing her up and down over her panties, her wetness easily coating his fingers.

"I want you _so_ bad Rachel. I've been dreaming of this for years. _Please_ baby, let me taste you."

"Yes, yes please," she moans as he increases the pressure of his fingers on her before removing them completely and ripping her panties off of her, sending shreds of lace flying behind him into a forgotten pile on the floor.

Her screams bounce off the walls and echo throughout the silent apartment when he swipes his tongue over her opening. Somewhere in the back of her mind it registers that Noah's going to give her hell for this, but she doesn't care. _Oh God_ how could she care when this feels _soooo good_. She knows there's a million and one reasons she's been saying no to Finn, but she can't even think of one right now.

She's thrashing on her bed, him reaching up his left arm to steady her as he pumps the fingers on his other hand in and out, his tongue continuing it's assault on her clit.

She knows this is going to end well before she wants it to, but his tongue and fingers are doing wicked things to her and she fears she may actually lose consciousness if she doesn't come soon.

She's pulling at his hair, screaming his name and begging him not to stop when she hears a knock on the door. She thinks that's odd because she swears Finn didn't close the door behind him, but the knocking is quickly forgotten when Finn replaces his fingers with his tongue, causing her to arch her back off the bed as she screams in pleasure.

She's so close and begging him to give her the sweet release she craves so badly when she hears more knocking. Just then Finn hits just the right spot inside of her, pressing his thumb down hard on her most sensitive spot making her orgasm rip through her and her vision go black for a second when she hears her door fly open again.

"What the fuck Rachel?!"

What? Why is Noah in here?

She manges to lift her head enough to open her eyes and see Noah standing in her doorway, Finn nowhere to be found. She's completely out of breath, her chest heaving as she feels the aftershocks of her orgasm vibrating from the top of her head to the tips of her toes.

She's so confused. Is Finn hiding? He's huge, where did he go and how did he get there so fast?

"Rachel you've been screaming for the past twenty minutes, some of us would like to get some fucking sleep."

"But...but I...where's.."

"You were having a _sex dream_ about Finn," he sneers, "and tomorrow morning when I no longer have the worlds worst headache from, I don't know, fighting fires and saving people's lives all fucking day, I'm gonna razz the shit out of you about it. But right now I'm so fucking tired, I didn't even find your moaning hot, just annoying. So please just _wake the fuck up!" _He slams the door behind him and she hears his heavy footsteps on the floor before she hears the slamming of his own door.

That was a dream? She remembers trying to go to sleep and trying _not_ to think about Finn.

_Seems that worked out well._

She looks down and sees her comforter twisted around her feet, but her panties still perfectly in place, pictures still in their place on the wall as well. She really is alone. Perhaps she should have realized it wasn't real whenever Finn showed up at her door in only half of his firefighter's uniform. Things like that only happen at bachelorette parties...or in pornos.

Regardless, she just had arguably the most intense orgasm of her life and it was all thanks to dream Finn? And Noah heard all of it?

_Oh God_.

How is she going to face Noah tomorrow? How is she going to face Finn?

This prom just got _super_ awkward.

* * *

"Okay Babs, so did you intentionally not get any sleep last night to make our job more difficult or what?" Kurt groans, looking over at his friend Dani who he had come along to fix Rachel's make up for prom.

"No I'm sorry, I just couldn't sleep," she mutters, knowing he's referring to the bags under her eyes.

It's true. She didn't sleep a wink last night after her dream. It was so freakishly vivid, she couldn't shake it once she woke up. Her body was buzzing and several times she almost pulled out her in-case-of-emergency-only vibrator Noah bought her as a joke. He bought it after their breakup, meant it as a means to survive life without him, but she tucked it away, only taking it out in the most dire of situations.

Last night was dire, to say the least, but she couldn't risk losing herself to Dream Finn again and having Noah hear; so she simply laid in bed, squeezing her thighs together and trying to think of anything but Finn. Or sex. Or firefighters.

It's been so long since she's been with anyone, but she was making it, even with her intense attraction to Finn, but now...how is she supposed to look at him and not see him between her legs? Not hear the huskiness of his voice as he begged to taste her. It's just too much.

"Rachel! Rachel snap out of it!" Kurt yells, snapping his fingers in front of her. "What has gotten into you?"

"I'm sorry, I was just, I was just thinking."

She's incredibly grateful she had an excuse to leave her apartment this morning. Noah woke up in a much better mood, having apparently slept off his headache, and immediately went to work harassing her about her dream.

Luckily, she needed to be out of the apartment so it could be set up for prom, so Kurt arriving not long after she finally emerged from her room to whisk her away to the sweet freedom he had no idea he was providing her with was just what she needed.

Finn made plans for her to be at the spa all morning while Kurt helped set up the decorations, before picking her up and taking her to his place to get her ready. The spa morning was a pleasant surprise and very beneficial in helping calm her frayed nerves, until now when she's back around other people in a place where Finn's scent is _everywhere_.

"Rachel! Dani's finished! Snap out of it and look in the mirror!" Kurt yelps, swatting her on the arm lightly.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry, I'm so out of it," she mumbles embarrassed. "Wow," she breathes when she finally looks into the mirror, "I look amazing."

"You do," Dani and Kurt both grin simultaneously.

"Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome dah-ling, it's time for your dress now! Let me walk Dani out real quick though, she has another appointment she needs to get to."

Rachel smiles politely and thanks Dani, telling her she hopes to see her again soon. Her hair and makeup look flawless, though she is a little confused about the headband they've put on her. Regardless, it's beautiful and she can't wait to see what dress Kurt has picked as "the one."

"It's tiiiime!" Kurt sings as he skips back into the room holding a gorgeous, beaded, twenties style dress.

"Kurt!" She gasps, getting up to touch the delicate beading, "I never tried this one on! It's gorgeous! What a minute...is it a twenties themed prom?"

"GATSBY!" He squeals, "I convinced Finn to go with Gatsby! You're going to die when you see your place Rachel! I found this dress just yesterday but knew it was perfect! It's your size so hopefully it will fit well enough!"

She squeals with him, momentarily forgetting her sleep deprivation and...well, _other_ deprivation to help Kurt slip her into her dress. It fits like a glove and the band with the gorgeous jeweled feather and pearls wrapped around the curls pinned to her head makes much more sense now.

She doesn't even recognize herself in the mirror.

"You know they said Gatsby looked at Daisy in a way that every young girl wants to be looked at...I have a feeling tonight we could replace those names with Finn and Rachel."

"He always looks at me like that," she whispers, watching herself in the mirror.

"That's true. Have you decided what you're going to do about that?"

"No," is all she can manage to get out. It's the truth and last nights dream only served to make her more confused.

"I'm not sure if you realize," Kurt says, placing a hand on her shoulder delicately, "but you look at him just the same."

"I know," she whispers, "I know."

* * *

Kurt's phone dings alerting him to a new message and he smiles down at it before smiling up at Rachel, "Your ride has arrived my dear."

"My ride? We aren't going together?"

"What kind of prom do you think this is?" He asks insulted. "_Your date_ is picking you up and taking you."

He takes her hand, walking her to the elevator and smiling as she turns to face him. "He'll be right outside. See you in a bit."

Her stomach is in knots and her heart is hammering in her chest the entire elevator ride to the ground level. She emerges into the lobby, seeing Finn waiting for her outside before she's even out of the door.

Her heart stops when she catches sight of him. He's dressed in a black three piece suit, complete with black bow tie and white pocket square. His hair has grown out quite a bit since he's been back, once again having some of the slight curls around the edges and his ears that she always loved so much. He's leaning against a limo (a limo?!) one leg crossed over the other, holding a bouquet of red roses in one hand and a gold and cream corsage (to match her dress) in the other.

Can a man be described as breathtaking? He surely fits the bill.

He pushes off the car when he sees her approaching, smile stretching wide across his face as he watches her walk towards him. They haven't actually seen each other since the date last week, but have spoken on the phone and texted plenty. Still, seeing him again is making her stomach jump in all kinds of exciting and terrifying ways.

"Rachel," he grins when she stops in front of him. "You look perfect. Absolutely stunning."

She smiles as he hands her the roses, taking them from him and leaning in to give him a hug. She's received more flowers since his return than she has in her whole life she thinks.

"Thank you Finn. You look quite handsome yourself. This is...this limo is for us?"

"Of course! Who doesn't take a limo to prom?" He grins, reaching over to open the door for her and help her in.

Once they've settled in and the driver starts moving, Finn reaches over and grabs her left hand, "May I?" holding up the corsage so she knows what he means. She simply nods and smiles, finding herself unable to speak through the extremely ill timed flash back she's having to last nights dream thanks to the feeling of Finn's fingers on her wrist.

"There. Whad'ya think?" He smiles proudly, looking down at the corsage he's just finished wrapping around her wrist. She breathes a sigh of relief when he's finished, no longer feeling his fingers on her.

"Thank you," she smiles sweetly. "It's beautiful. Who picked it out?"

"Me!" He gasps playfully, as if she hurt his feelings.

"Oh, I'm sorry! It's just, I had to tell you what to get for Quinn. You seemed completely clueless and this is, well it's perfect."

"Well that's because I didn't give a crap back then. About the corsage, the prom, my date, any of it. I care a lot now. About all of it."

He's looking deep into her eyes, the emotion swirling in his own speaking volumes above his words. He looks down at her lips, licking his own, and she knows exactly what he's thinking.

"Thank you," she blurts out, "for the morning at the spa. That was certainly unexpected."

"You're very welcome Rachel. You deserve it. You had a good time?"

"Yes, it was lovely."

"Good," he pauses and then grins at her. "Wanna hear a secret?"

"Always."

"Senior year, I voted for you for prom queen."

"What?" She laughs before she realizes he's serious.

"I voted for you, even got a couple of the guys who sat around me in shop class to vote for you too."

"Finn, in what world would I ever have been crowned Prom Queen?"

He shrugs, "You were always Prom Queen material to me."

She's silent, not knowing how to respond to that, but he smiles as he realizes they've arrived, Kurt's apartment not being that long of a drive from Rachel's.

"Are you ready?"

"Absolutely. Let's go."

* * *

She doesn't even recognize her own home when they enter. She can't believe Noah let them do this.

It's stunning.

There are gold and black balloons everywhere, feathers and pearls, champagne glasses filled to the top with blackberries floating in the bottom. She loves everything about it.

She laughs when she looks up and sees Noah decked out in a suit and fedora, Santana on one arm and her best friend Brittany (or girlfriend she suspects) on his other.

"The place looks great," Santana smiles, "Gigantor here is more Casanova than he looks."

She fakes a smile back at Santana, nodding and continuing past them. More Casanova than he looks? Is she blind?

She notices a spot in the corner that has obviously been set up for pictures.

"Will you take pictures with me before the party gets too crazy?" Finn leans down and asks her. There's an old timey record player set up in the corner playing music from the twenties (Kurt's, she presumes) but they both know once the party really gets started and the alcohol starts flowing, the music will change and everything will be a bit more chaotic.

"Sure. Let's do it while my makeup is still fresh."

They use the timer on the camera set up on a tripod in front of the backdrop to take a few "traditional" prom poses before digging into the props bucket Kurt set out and taking some silly ones.

"Do you mind if I take some on my phone?" Finn asks shyly.

"Of course," she grins. Bashful Finn is adorable.

They take several pictures, cracking each other up the whole time, until Santana and Brittany come over and demand a turn.

Kurt and Blaine arrive as more of their friends show up and it's actually the most fun she's had in awhile. She has a few glasses of champagne, dancing and talking with everyone before the music slows down and Finn approaches her.

"I think it's time we put my lessons to the test. wouldn't you say? May I have this dance?"

"I'd be honored," she smiles, allowing Finn to lead her out onto the makeshift dance floor. She wraps her arms around his neck as he wraps his hands around her waist, pulling her close. She remembers the last time they danced together, at his mother's wedding. She hated him that night. She looks up at him now, watching the way he's grinning at her, so proud of how he's staying on beat and not stepping on her toes and she's once again struck with how much she _loves_ him. The hatred is all gone. She held onto it for as long as she could, but she's let it go. It was exhausting. It was killing her, but it's gone now.

And she loves him.

"I've improved, yeah?" He smiles at her, bringing her back to the real world.

"Yes Finn, you definitely have," she giggles.

"Are you nervous?"

"About what?"

"Well I hear they're going to crown the king and queen soon."

"Oh really?" She laughs, "should I be nervous?"

"No way. Youre the most beautiful girl in the room, hands down. Of course you're going to win."

"Finn..." She grins.

"You're the most beautiful girl in most rooms, actually."

"Wow, you're really on a roll tonight aren't you _Casanova_?" she jokes, him laughing with her as a huge yawn escapes her mouth.

"Are you sleepy already? It's still early Grandma!" He jokes in return.

"Must be exhausted from riding your face all night," Noah quips from next to them, dancing with Brittany.

"Noah!" She spits, her cheeks flaming red. They were having easy, fun banter, of course Noah had to come along and screw it up. What happened to staying out of it?

"What?" Finn asks, confused, ears pinking a little. "That sounds like something I would remember."

"Princess here kept me up all night screaming as you tongue fucked her in her dreams."

"Oh my God Noah!" She cries, dropping her hands from around Finn's neck and burying her face in them.

"Awesome,"' she hears Brittany say as Noah chuckles a little.

"Just trying to help you two along is all," Noah quips as he pats her on the butt and dances off. "You'll be thanking me later!" She hears him call over his shoulder.

"I can't believe him," she mumbles, too embarrassed to even look at Finn. "I have to go...get something from my room."

She takes off for her room, feeling Finn's eyes on her every step of the way. She can't believe Noah did that! She supposes she should have known though, it's a very Noah-like thing to do.

She hasn't been in her room for more than a couple seconds before she hears a knock and Finn sticks his head in.

"Can I please come in Rach?" He asks.

"Sure," she sighs, doing her best to avoid eye contact with him.

"Tell me again why you're no longer with that guy?" He jokes.

"Shut up," she replies, laughing a little in spite of herself.

"You don't have to be embarrassed," he says softly, siting next to her on her bed.

"Yes I do! He just announced to everyone that I woke him up last night having a freakishly real sex dream about you!" She cries, pushing him a little when she sees him grinning. "Don't be an asshole!"

"I'm not! It just kinda...well it kinda makes me happy if I'm being honest."

She gives him a pointed look and he grins, "What? You think I've never had a sex dream about you? Those are the only kind of dreams I have!"

"Finn!" She laughs.

"I'm kidding," he chuckles, "_maybe_..."

"I still hate you, you know. You're not supposed to know things like that."

"I know," he smirks, though she sees him flinch a little at her use of the word hate.

It's silent. An awkward silent until he looks up at her, "Sooo...it was good then? Your dream?"

"Fiiinnn," She groans.

"It's just...that's not something we ever got the chance to do together, so I...I was just...wondering if you imagine it to be good. That's all."

"Well...you heard Noah. I didn't tell him anything about my dream. He _heard_ it...heard _me_."

"You know, there's a real version of me if you ever, you know, wanna give it a try. I'm totally game," he winks, his voice light and carefree, but his eyes intense, betraying his attempt to say it as a joke. He refuses to look away from her.

"Finn," she breathes and his eyes immediately go down to her lips. He scoots the slightest bit closer to her and she knows he's about to kiss her. She wants him too, _so_ badly. But she can't. She has to stop this.

"Finn, I can't..." She manages to get out before she hears Noah hollering outside her door and throwing it open.

"Hudson! Where the fuck is your phone?! We gotta go!"

"What? Where?"

"We've been getting paged constantly! There's a huge apartment fire, they need all men there! Let's go, let's go!"

Noah is running out of the door then, not leaving Finn any time to respond.

"I'm so sorry Rach, I gotta...I gotta go..." He stammers as he runs after Noah, leaving her on the bed alone, unsure of what she feels about, well, _anything_.

She sits in her room for what feels like hours. She hears the party still going, even hears when everyone starts to leave. She knows she should join them, this prom was technically for her after all, but she has a weird feeling in her stomach that she can't place. Kurt finds her eventually, staring into space, mentally stewing over the state of her stomach.

"I guess the party has kinda died down now that the boys had to leave. Do you want to come back out? We can just relax and sip champagne. We, and the apartment, look much too fabulous to just sit in our drab bedrooms, yes?"

"You're right," she smiles, getting up to join Kurt and Blaine in the livingroom.

"What's wrong Rachel?" Blaine asks when he sees the weird look on her face.

"Besides the usual?" She jokes weakly. "I don't know, I just have a weird feeling I can't shake."

"I'm sure it's just because you're still trying to figure out how you feel about Finn."

"Maybe," she sighs, but she knows that's not it. _He_ may not know yet, but _she_ knows exactly how she feels about him. It's just a matter of time now.

It's something else and it's making her feel sick.

"Can we...do you guys mind if we keep the news on in the background?"

"Oh honey, are you worried about the guys? I'm sure they'll be fine Rachel. Puck's been doing this forever and Finn's been in _combat_ for Streisand's sake. They're big boys."

"I know. And I get nervous all the time over their job, but this is different. I just can't shake this feeling."

"Of course, Rachel, let's put it on," Blaine interjects, patting her hand and grabbing the remote.

She smiles at Blaine as he turns on the tv and excuses herself quickly to go get her phone out of her room. When she comes back into the living room, she finds Kurt and Blaine standing in front of the tv, watching in horror.

"What? What's wrong?" She asks frantic, running to be by their sides.

She looks up, seeing what they're watching on the news. It's a breaking news report showing footage of a massive apartment fire. It looks like a real life nightmare. The news anchor's voice describing the scene to them is reporting several casualties and injuries, including firemen.

No. No, no, no. This is what she was feeling in her stomach.

"Would any of us be contacted if they were hurt?"

Rachel's phone begins ringing as if on cue, answering Blaine's question and causing their eyes to all grow as big as saucers as she whispers, "I'm Noah's emergency contact."

As she answers her phone, Kurt's phone starts ringing in his pocket, him turning away from her to answer.

They hang up at the same time, "Noah's hurt!"

"So is Finn," Kurt replies, the color from his already pale face draining before her eyes.

"How do you know?" She practically yells at him.

"That was Carole."

"No!" She shrieks. "No! We have to go! NOW!"

She's freaking out. She can feel it everywhere. She has to get there and see them. She has to see that they're okay.

She can't sit still the entire cab ride, her stomach turning in nauseating waves and her leg bouncing up and down all on it's own. She knows it's driving Kurt crazy, but she can't help it.

She practically pushes Blaine down when they arrive, running out of the cab and into the hospital. She spots Sam, a sling around his arm talking to Mike, who seems to be in good shape, besides the dark circles under his eyes and overall look of sadness.

"Where are they?" She screams, Kurt and Blaine finally catching up to her.

Sam looks at her, his eyes sad and exhausted. "Puck's just getting a few stitches, he's not near as bad as we thought at first. He should be out in a little bit."

"Oh thank God," Blaine breathes next to her. She's relieved too, of course she is, but she sees the way Sam is still looking at her. The way Mike is looking at her.

"Where's Finn?" She whispers.

"He's...uhm, he's in surgery Rachel."

"What do you mean?" She asks, swallowing the lump in her throat, fighting the tears resting right on the edge, threatening to spill.

"Rachel, let's go have a seat."

"No!" She shrieks. "I can't sit! I need you to tell me what happened to Finn!"

Sam looks at her and sighs, rubbing his hand over his tired face. It's been a long night and she knows he's lost some men, but she has to know.

"We were out, we were safe. _He_ was out, but he heard some more screaming. He went back. The building was collapsing, I told him it was too late, but he didn't listen."

She's going to be sick. This isn't happening, this isn't happening right now.

"The building collapsed on him?" She asks through her tears.

"Yeah, he's been unresponsive. They're taking care of him though. He's a fighter Rachel."

She loses it then, collapsing to the floor. She can hear Kurt and Blaine, can feel them trying to comfort her, but it's useless.

She suddenly feels herself being lifted into the air, strong arms wrapping around her and moving her off of the floor. She looks up to see Noah, stitches running down the side of his face, cradling her to his chest as he sits in one of the chairs in the waiting room.

"Noah!" She wails, her earlier anger towards him completely forgotten as she allows him to cacoon her in his warmth.

"I'm here Rachel," he whispers as he kisses her head, "I'm okay and Finn is gonna be okay, do you hear me?"

She doesn't answer, just buries her face in his chest and cries. Kurt and Blaine sit across from them, Kurt texting Carole as she and Burt are trying to make their way to the hospital.

"Finn's gonna be okay," he keeps repeating into her hair and she knows that he's saying it over and over again tying to convince himself just as much as her.

"Noah," she chokes out.

He stops talking and looks at her.

"I..I never told him.

"Never told him what?"

"That I forgive him. That I love him. That I never _stopped_ loving him. Any of it."

"Rachel..." He whispers.

"No Noah!" She shouts, sitting up and completely unable to control the volume of the words coming out of her mouth. "I never told him! He was eighteen the last time he heard me say I love him! He's said it to me several times since he's been back and I've never said it in return. Not even once! He has to be okay! He has to know!"

"He knows Rachel," Noah says calmly.

She jumps out of his lap then, turning to look into his eyes, "I told him I hated him in my room earlier. I told him _I hated him._.." Her words taper off as the tears come back, her brushing off anyone who tries to touch her.

She finally allows Noah to wrap his arms around her and lead her back to a chair. She sighs heavily, looking down at her shoes, feeling absolutely ridiculous that she's still dressed in her Gatsby outfit from prom.

She finally turns to Noah, feeling slightly guilty about ignoring his own injuries, lightly touching his face, "What about you? Are you okay? Those are some nasty stitches."

"I'm fine, just got hit by a falling board."

"It will probably leave a scar," she sniffs.

"Just makes me more badass. Chicks dig scars."

He's smirking at her, but she sees the tears shining in his eyes, hears the way his voice is just a little unsteady. The smirk fades quickly, his head dropping in shame.

"I tried to stop him Rachel. We all tried to stop him," he chokes out finally. "He has like a fucking hero complex or some shit. He wouldn't listen."

"It's okay Noah," she says softly, squeezing his hand. "Did he...did he get who he went in after?" Her words are barely over a whisper, but she knows Noah hears them.

"Yeah," he smiles, a mixture of sadness and pride. "Yeah, it was a little girl. He uhm, he blocked her from the building collapse."

Rachel just smiles a tight smile at him, shaking her head through her tears.

They sit together in silence after that.

An hour or so passes, Burt and Carole arrive, other fire fighters come and go, until finally a doctor comes out to talk to them.

"His right arm and leg are both broken and he has some cracked ribs all from where a beam fell on him. He got hit in the head pretty good as well. He's been unconscious since he arrived, so it's just a waiting game now. All the scans so far have come back clear, so that's a good sign. We aren't anticipating any long term effects on the brain, but we won't really know much until he wakes up. I'll let you folks know something as soon as I can."

"I want to see him!" Rachel says confidently, her voice a stark contrast to her mascara streaked cheeks and red, swollen eyes. She's on her feet, following behind the doctor when he turns and puts a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry miss, but he's in recovery right now, we're monitoring him. No one is allowed back yet."

"I don't care! I need to see him!" She shrieks.

"I'm sorry," Noah says to the doctor, coming up behind her and placing his hand gently on her arm. "Come on Rachel, there's nothing we can do right now. They'll let us know when we can go back there."

She charges after the doctor, not taking no for an answer, causing Noah to grab both of her arms at the elbows to hold her back.

"Rachel, please come sit down."

"No! Let me go!" She shouts. She fights him until he grabs her tighter, placing his mouth right at her ear, "Rachel, you have to let him rest. Let him rest so he can wake up and be okay."

She stills then, slumping against him in defeat and allowing him to guide her back to her seat.

And so they wait. And they wait. They wait for hours. The doctor tells them they can go home and that he will call them, it could be days he says. Possibly longer. Carole is allowed to go back and see him, sit by his bedside for a while, but Rachel is not as they're only letting immediate family back right now. This makes Rachel furious, her refusing to leave the waiting room even to go to the restroom.

The boys all take turns leaving and getting a shower, getting food, all except Noah who stays loyally by Rachel's side. She tells him he can go, she'll be okay, but he refuses.

It's been more than twenty-four hours, even Carole being talked into going to Kurt's to shower, but Rachel remains, finally dozing off against Noah's shoulder when another doctor approaches them. Noah nudges her, causing her to sit up startled, wide eyes trained on the doctor.

"Which one of you is Rachel?"

"I am!" Rachel cries, shooting up to her feet.

"Please come with me Rachel," the doctor smiles wide at her. "Finn's asking for you."

* * *

**Okay, hopefully that wasn't so bad! Something drastic needed to happen to Finn to light a fire under Rachel's ass! The timing of this chapter was very unfortunate and completely unintentional. I hope I didn't upset you in regards to canon Finn, but as you can see, I left you knowing he is okay!**


	8. Willing and Wonderful

**Sorry if you've gotten several notifications about this update! The site is being wacky today!**

**Thank you guys so much! Seriously, some of the love you guys are sending me is incredible. These stories have become such an escape for me and I'm so happy to hear that they are that for some of you as well. I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. I've already started an absolutely ridiculous one shot that I'm super into annnd have started a sequel for Secret (say whaaa?) I even have an idea for a very Finn & Puck centric multi chapter fic! (My brain is an odd place to be right now lol) But still one more chapter after this one and then the epilogue!**

**I think it's safe to say this is the chapter we've all been waiting for since the beginning. I hope you like. Quote and title from Mark Salling's "Willing and Wonderful".**

* * *

_All I gotta do is believe in you_

_and all the world becomes possibilities_

_If you're willing, I'll be wonderful_

"He's-he's asking...for me?" She stammers.

"Yes ma'am. Repeatedly. So let's not keep him waiting. It's right this way," he smiles motioning for her to follow him.

Rachel turns and looks at a smiling Noah before following behind the doctor. Her stomach is doing somersaults the entire walk to Finn's room. She just wants to see him, touch him and know he's okay for herself. She wants to tell him she loves him, she won't let another opportunity pass her by.

She's nervous to see him though. She knows to expect the casts on both his leg and arm, but what will his face look like? Will he look like himself or will his face be scarred like Noah's will be?

"He's right in here," the doctor smiles, cutting through her thoughts and motioning to the room on their left, "His nurse Kelly will be in right behind you to check his vitals and I'll be back shortly to take him to run a few more tests."

"Thank you so much," she smiles gratefully. She stands in his doorway for a moment, silent tears streaming down her face as she looks at him. His casts are visible and he appears bulkier around the middle than usual; she assumes he's wearing some sort of support wrap under his hospital gown for his ribs, but his face is as gorgeous as ever. There's a few scratches, maybe a bruise or two, but overall he's just Finn. _Her_ Finn.

She can't wait any longer.

"Finn," she whispers through her tears and his head immediately snaps up to hers, a glorious smile spreading across his face.

She doesn't give him time to say a word before she's at his side, leaning over him and pressing her lips against his. She catches him completely off guard, it taking him a second or two to process what's happening before he begins kissing her back.

It's not aggressive or angry like their last kiss. It's not fueled by years of pent up emotion confused by both resentment and intense longing. It's loving and passionate, fueled only by their inherent need to let the other one know that they love them completely.

The heart monitor next to the bed starts beeping wildly, but they both ignore it until the nurse runs in and starts hollering at Rachel to stop.

Finn grins a little into their kiss, reaching up with his good hand to cup Rachel's cheek. The nurse keeps jabbering on about needing to keep his heart rate down, so Finn pulls back reluctantly, leaning in for one more quick kiss before resting his forehead against Rachel's.

"Wow. I was...I was just gonna apologize...apologize for ruining prom. I wasn't...wow..." he whispers, running his thumb under her eyes, wiping away her tears.

"You can't do that to me again Finn," she cries, not caring that there's someone else present in the room besides them.

"What?"

"Make me think you're leaving me," she sobs.

"Rachel," he breathes, placing a soft kiss against her lips again, hating that he made her cry again, but loving the feeling of her being so close.

"I love you Finn. I've loved you since the first moment I saw you and I've never stopped. Even when I hated you, it was always overpowered by the fact that I am _desperately in love with you_. And I...I forgive you. I forgive you Finn. You can't leave me again."

"_I love you_ Rachel. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. _Ever_. Okay?"

"Okay," she manages to smile through her tears.

"Excuse me Mr. Hudson, I really need..."

"Can I, can we please have just a couple minutes?" Finn asks, interrupting Kelly, the nurse. He knows she's just trying to do her job, but this is the moment he's been waiting years for. It's nothing like he imagined it to be, but he'll take it, no questions asked. "Please. Then you can do whatever you need to with me."

"Okay," she sighs, looking at the two. "But I'll be back in a minute. No more excuses, we have to run a few more tests on you, make sure nothing else is wrong."

"Thank you," Finn smiles, turning back to Rachel. He's still holding her face with his hand and can't help but lean up and kiss her again.

She let's him.

"So we're kissing now? What does this mean?" He whispers against her lips, grinning like a little kid.

"I don't...I don't know right now Finn. All I know is that I love you and I don't want you to go anywhere. Let's just concentrate on getting you better and we'll figure things out from there. Getting you healthy is our number one priority."

"You'll help me? Be my at home nurse?"

"Of course."

"Hmmm...nurse Rachel. I like the sound of that," he jokes, winking at her, though she sees him grimace a bit when he shifts slighty to the side.

"Slow your roll Hudson," she grins, "you can't even sit up in your hospital bed yet. One thing at a time."

He simply grins at her, before turning serious again, sighing deeply. "You haven't gone home at all?"

"No, I couldn't bear to leave. I had to know that you were okay. Your moms been here, in here with you. They wouldn't let me back."

"I'm sorry."

"Do you, do you remember what happened?"

"Yeah. I heard, uhm I heard a little kid crying. Do you know? Do you know if they're okay?"

"Yes Finn," she smiles at him proudly, tears still rolling gently down her face. "It was a little girl. You saved her."

He exhales, leaning his head against the pillow, "Good."

She reaches over, combing her fingers through his hair, "I'm so proud of you. And a little angry. But mostly proud."

He looks up at her, holding her gaze for a moment, "I woulda let a burning building collapse on me a long time ago if I knew that's all it would take to get you to say you love me again; to kiss me again."

"Finn," she smiles through her tears, "don't joke like that. These last twenty-four hours have been the scariest of my life."

"I'm sorry Rachel. You haven't been waiting alone have you?"

"No, Your mom and Burt, Kurt and Blaine, they've all been here. Noah hasn't left my side. He...I know he gives you hell, but he really cares about you."

"I know," he smirks, "who woulda guessed I'd come back for you and end up becoming best friends with the man you were with while I was away?"

"I think it's cute," she shrugs.

"Okay ma'am, I'm sorry but we need to steal Mr. Hudson from you," Kelly says, interrupting the sweet way Finn is smiling at Rachel.

"Okay," she sighs, wiping under her eyes.

"I'm okay Rach, go home and take a shower. Rest a little and take Puck with you too."

"I'm fine."

"Please Rach. _I'm okay_. I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay. I'll be back soon okay?"

"Okay."

She makes it to the door before she turns back and looks at him. She can't help herself. She's back at his side, leaning down for one more kiss before finally pulling back, "I'll see you soon."

"Say it one more time."

"What?"

"Say it one more time," he repeats, eyes twinkling.

"I love you Finn."

"I love you too Rachel," he grins. "See you soon."

* * *

They keep Finn overnight just once more to monitor him. All of his scans have come back clear and he seems to possess his memory, remembering everything that happened up until the actual collapse. Overall he is drastically better off than anyone anticipated he would be the night of the fire; it could have been catastrophic.

He is sent home with instructions to rest, pad the area around his ribcage with pillows and let them heal on their own. He's expected to stay in both casts for roughly five months. He's become accustomed to being extremely physical during the day, so he's more than a little disappointed to hear this, complaining about being bored before he even gets back to Kurt's from the hospital.

She knows he is supposed to move into his new apartment soon, but he's able to negotiate with the landlord, putting it off for at least another month. So for now, he'll be at Kurt and Blaine's. She overhears his mom offering to bring him home with her, but he politely declines. She likes to think he's choosing to stay here because he wants to be closer to her. She intends to do everything she can to make sure he's being taken care of, she promises Carole this.

They all try to take turns entertaining him as much as they can. At least until his ribs heal, he can't really get up and do much. Noah spends plenty of time over there, talking about and doing God knows what; Kurt and Blaine helping him with the day to day necessities.

She's over as much as she can be; she finds this new found level of their friendship kind of exciting. They were getting along well enough before the accident, but there was always that lingering hope in Finn's eyes and that little black cloud hanging over Rachel's head. Both are gone now. Instead of hope, happiness and excitement spark in Finn's eyes whenever she's around and it's nothing but clear skies above Rachel's head.

Sure, there's still lots of baggage there, still lingering emotions that she's sure will never fully go away, but for the first time in a long time she feels..._free_. The weight of her animosity for Finn was weighing her down more than she ever realized. It feels so good to smile at him, laugh with him and not make herself feel like a horrible person because of it.

She's not sure what they are exactly. They haven't discussed what this means, not since she told him in the hospital that their main priority right now is to get him better. They're just going with the flow. They're friends, who say I love you. And who kiss..._a lot_.

She expects lots of celebratory kissing this evening as she practically skips to his room. Kurt and Blaine are out for date night, leaving Finn home alone. She wasn't planning to come over, he's not expecting her, but she has some exciting news and he's the first person she wants to tell.

"Knock, knock!" She calls outside his door, "You feel like company?"

He grins up at her from his place on his bed, arm and leg both propped up on pillows; even more pillows supporting him around his middle.

"Hey beautiful, I wasn't expecting to see you tonight." He's wearing nothing but a pair of basketball shorts and she finds herself having flashbacks to _that_ dream for a second before she shakes it out of her head.

"Well I thought you might be hungry. Are you?" She smiles, holding up the box of pizza she stopped and got on the way over.

"Always," he laughs. "All this laying around in bed and eating is gonna make me fat you know. You'll still love me when I'm fat?"

"Always," she repeats him, "but I have more. I'll be right back."

She sits the pizza down and leaves him with a wink. When she returns she holds up two glasses and a bottle of champagne.

"I have news!"

He opens his mouth to respond before she cuts him off. "Let me say it! I just got the call! I got it Finn! I'm Fanny!" she's squealing and jumping up and down, Finn throwing his head back and laughing with joy.

"Rachel! That's amazing! I knew you'd get it, I'm so happy for you!" He's smiling at her like she's the whole world and she wonders to herself how life has changed so drastically in such a short period of time.

"Thank you Finn," she says shyly, feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all.

"Can you please come here?" He asks sweetly.

She nods, sitting the glasses and bottle down next to the pizza and kicking her shoes off before climbing onto the bed next to him.

He reaches out for her, wrapping his good arm around her waist and pulling her close to him, wincing just a little bit when her body rests against his.

"I wish I could hug you, pick you up and show you how proud I am of you," he says softly, looking deep into her eyes. "You're incredible and there's no one in the world who deserves this more than you."

"I'm so happy I get to experience all of this with you here next to me," she whispers. "Will you come to my show?"

"Are you crazy?" He asks incredulously, "Try and stop me."

"Do you think...do you think we could get Barbie to come? If we send them tickets?"

"I think she'd love that. I'll make it happen Rach, I promise."

She smiles at him and he's giving her _that_ look, that look she can't resist and so she closes the space between them, once again feeling the addicting rush of love and happiness and home that she always feels when his lips are against hers.

The kiss starts off as sweet and excited, but quickly turns frenzied and hungry. She can't help the moan that escapes from somewhere deep inside her when he reaches down with his good hand and cups her ass, squeezing gently.

"Rach," he groans and she wants so badly to throw her leg over his waist, to straddle him between her legs, but she's so afraid she'll hurt him.

He uses his hand to push her skirt up, caressing the skin of her backside visible under the lace of her delicate pink thong. Her judgement is completely clouded by his actions, so she chances it, sitting up and slowly moving one leg over his waist, making sure to place herself low enough to not press down on his sore torso.

"Does this hurt?" She whispers against his lips.

He shakes his head no, groaning when she pushes herself down against his growing erection. She begins slowly rolling her hips against him, throwing her head back as tingles shoot from every part of her body straight down to her core.

"Fuck, what're you doing to me Rach?" He groans, grabbing onto her waist with the only hand he can.

"Do you want me to stop?" She breathes. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knows this isn't how their first time back together should be. And she knows this is really risky considering Finn's injuries, but she wants him _so badly_ and he _obviously_ wants her too.

"God no," he says, slipping his hand down to the front of her panties, soaked through with her desire for him. "Fuck baby," he breathes, feeling just how bad she wants him.

He's pushing her panties aside, feeling her slickness against his fingers with no barriers in the way when she bends down to kiss him some more. She bites at his bottom lip, moaning when he pushes a finger inside of her just as they hear the front door open and people talking.

She shoots up immediately, Finn groaning in pain from the way her actions jostle his ribs.

"Finn! We brought dinner!" She hears Carole's voice and her eyes bug out of her head, swatting Finn's hand away from her where it's still resting under her panties.

"You didn't tell me your mother was coming over!" She hisses, jumping off of him as quickly as she can. He winces in pain, allowing her to quickly throw his blanket over him after she straightens out her dress, a desperate attempt to cover the painfully obvious erection present under Finn's shorts. He reaches to his side and throws a pillow in his lap just as his mom pops her head in.

"Finny! I brought hamburgers! Oh, hi Rachel!"

"Hi Carole," Rachel says a bit forced, wondering if Carole can smell the heavy arousal hanging in the air around them.

"I'm so sorry dear, I didn't know you'd be here, I didn't get you a burger."

"It's okay, thank you though. I actually brought him a pizza, I didn't know you'd be here either," she laughs nervously.

"Oh, well then we have plenty of food!"

"Awesome," Finn smiles awkwardly, clearly extremely uncomfortable, and disappointed, at how drastically the direction of the past ten minutes has just shifted.

"You look so comfortable in here Finny, Burt and I will just bring the food to you! No need to move you."

Rachel loves Burt and Carole, she does, but this is the most awkward meal she's ever sat through in her entire life. They're all sitting and eating around the bed, the bed she was just about to have her way with Finn on. His gaze is heavy on her the whole meal, his eyes dark every time she chances a look back at him. She tries her hardest to avoid looking at him at all, taking the arrival of his parents as a huge sign from the universe that she needs to _slow down._ What is wrong with her? Why did she think it was okay to get back into a sexual relationship with Finn already? It's not. She can't let that happen again.

She finally accepts this as the truth as she's shutting the door behind Burt and Carole. She leans against it, taking a moment to steady her breath before heading back to Finn's room.

"Hey you," he grins when she comes back in the room by herself.

"Hey Finn."

"Sooo..." He's looking at her, making a goofy face and patting the spot on the bed next to him.

"Finn," she laughs a little despite the seriousness of what she's about to say, "I think I'm gonna head home too."

"What? Why?"

She sits next to him on the bed, taking his good hand in between both of hers.

"We agreed we'd wait until you got better until we figured out what we are right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts Finn. We have to do this right this time. I love you. And-and I want you, but last time we had sex you had a girlfriend. You didn't talk to me afterwards, we made a baby and then you disappeared. It wasn't exactly the things fairy tales are made of."

"Rachel, there is nothing in this entire world that could happen to me or be said to me that's going to make me run away from you again. You're it for me. There's no one else. I don't _want_ there to be anyone else. Please believe me."

"I do believe you..."

"Buuut..."

"But I just want to do this the right way. The right way Finn, we deserve that don't you think?"

"We do," he sighs, rubbing his hand over his face before smiling at her. "I forgot how damn smart you are."

"It's a gift," she shrugs, smirking at him playfully.

"Okay, okay. Will you at stay with me tonight though? No monkey business, I promise. I just like to feel you next to me."

"Yeah, I think I can do that."

"Come on," he grins, lifting up the blanket and letting her crawl underneath with him.

"I love you Finn," she says softly once she's settled in next to him.

He smiles, he's never going to get tired of hearing her say that. Leaning over, he kisses her gently on the forehead, "I love you too Rachel."

* * *

By the time Rachel's opening night comes around, Finn's back on his feet again, his leg healing faster than the doctors anticipated. His arm unfortunately, is taking a bit longer. The cast has come off, but he's still having to wear a sling, hopefully only for a couple more weeks. He looks adorable to her, wearing his suit, minus the coat he couldn't make work along with his sling.

She could only manage to get two front row tickets, awarding them to Finn and Noah, naturally. Her fathers were deeply offended by this news, but have come to accept the fact that she's welcomed Finn back into her life. It's taken several long, drawn out talks to convince them, but they've finally come around. Sort of.

She gets three tickets for the third row, but only Finn and Noah know about those. They'd sent them with a hand written invitation for Tom, Angie and Barbie. Angie had sent both she and Finn an exuberant email in return, saying they wouldn't miss it for the world. She knows Funny Girl isn't exactly the type of thing five year olds are in to, and it will no doubt keep Barbie up past her bed time, but she thinks it will be worth it. She'd contemplated extending an invitation for them to come backstage so Barbie could meet the cast, but decided against it. She's not sure if she can keep her emotions in check to meet her daughter as nothing more than just an actress.

Kurt, Blaine, her dads and even Burt and Carole all come along to support her. Shelby sent her congratulatory flowers earlier today, unable to make it for opening night as she is out of the country currently, but promises to come see her show as soon as she returns.

Rachel's an absolute ball of nerves before hand, but when she arrives to her dressing room and finds it's been decorated from top to bottom, she can't help but laugh. It relaxes her immediately. There's balloons, streamers, stars, confetti, flower petals, even a large platter full of her favorite red velvet fudge.

Across the vanity mirror, in big red dry erase letters reads "KICK SOME ASS PRINCESS! WE LOVE YOU - NOAH & FINN" She giggles as her eyes tear up a little at the message obviously written by Noah. She looks down to sneak just one piece of fudge before the show when she sees a card sticking out from under the plate.

It's plain, white with a red heart on the front. She opens it to see Finn's messy writing, "T**his is your moment, twenty-four years in the making, take it! I know you'll shine like the star you are. Thank you for letting me be a part of this. Break a leg. I love you -Finn"**

She couldn't wipe the smile off her face if you paid her to. For so long she's concentrated on everything that's wrong in her life, but as she sees it now, she is blessed beyond belief.

She holds on to that feeling as she goes on stage, tapping into it and delivering like she never has before. When it's over, and she gets her first bona-fide broadway standing ovation, she can't stop the tears from streaming down her face in free fall.

All of her family and friends stop by her dressing room after; everyone toasting to years and years of success ahead for Rachel. She knows there's a cast party tonight to celebrate, but she decides instead to spend a low key evening at home with the ones she loves the most. She takes the time to sign some autographs for waiting fans, before slipping on a wig and hat she borrows from the show's costume department and walking right out of the front door where she finds Finn waiting as planned.

Once out of the theater, she takes off her wig and shoves it in her bag, happily taking Finn's hand as they casually stroll through the city. She loves everything about New York. She especially loves everything about New York with Finn.

She's in the middle of telling Finn why this has been the most perfect night ever when she feels someone pulling on the back of her dress.

She turns immediately, looking down into a miniature replica of Finn's beautiful amber eyes. She gasps, gripping Finn's hand harder as the little girl smiles up at her.

"Hi miss! Were you Fanny?"

"Y-yes," Rachel whispers, barely able to form the word.

"See Mommy I told you it was her!" The little girl turns around and smiles wide at her mom, who's finally catching up to her, smiling breathlessly at her husband next to her.

It's them. They're standing face to face with their daughter and her parents. Finn looks like he's seen a ghost, Rachel gripping on to his hand for dear life.

"I'm so sorry," Angie smiles apologetically at them. "She saw you from across the street and and just took off. She insisted on meeting you. She was absolutely mesmerized by your performance."

Rachel looks at them in question, not sure how to proceed. Tom nods at Rachel, smiling and silently telling her it's okay.

"You...you liked my show?" Rachel says softly, looking down at Barbie.

"Oh yes ma'am! You sing like an angel and you're beautiful like a princess! I want to be on stage like you one day!"

Rachel looks over at Finn in awe. She knows he is only keeping it together because he hasn't yet had to open his mouth to attempt speech. She takes a deep breath, channeling all of her strength and skills as an actress, and looks back to Barbie.

"Thank you sweetie," she says, leaning down to be closer to her level. "Are you a singer?" Finn has moved his good hand to her shoulder, squeezing to let her know he's still there for her.

"Oh yes! My name is Barbra Christine Monroe and I want to be on Broadway one day just like you!"

"Can I tell you a secret?" Rachel whispers.

Barbie looks at her with wide eyes, nodding her head enthusiastically.

"You'll be up there one day, just like me. I know it."

"You do?" She breathes in awe.

"I do," she grins, "Would you like me to send you some tickets for some more of my shows?"

Barbie turns to Angie, smile as big as her little face can handle, "Mommy! Can she send us some more tickets?"

"Of course," Angie smiles, tears of happiness brimming in her own eyes, reaching over to squeeze Tom's hand.

"How about this?" Rachel grins, "I'll send you tickets to some of my shows, if you promise to send me tickets to some of your shows."

"You'd come to my shows?" Barbie gasps.

"Every time," Rachel promises.

"Okay!" She claps. She suddenly thrusts her playbill in Rachel's face, "When my mommy and daddy took me to Disney World I got all the princesses to sign a book for me. Can you sign this book like that?"

Rachel nods, reaching up to take the pen Angie has retrieved from her purse. Rachel signs it quickly, not knowing how much longer she can keep her tears at bay.

"Come on Barbie," Tom says, "it's getting late and it's way past your bed time."

"I don't want to go to bed!" Barbie huffs, stomping her foot on the ground. Rachel looks up to Finn smiling, his eyes shining down at his daughter.

"Barbie," Rachel calls gently. "You want to know how I got good enough to be on that stage?"

"Oh yes!"

"I always, always listen to my mommy and daddy and I never stay up past my bedtime. I'd never get to be up there if I didn't get enough sleep! But shhh! Don't tell anyone that, or everyone else will try to be on stage too."

"Oh! Okay! I promise I won't stay up past my bed time anymore!"

"Good girl," Rachel grins. "Can you do me two favors before you go?"

"Yes!"

"Can I have a hug?"

"Yes!" Barbie shouts again, throwing herself into Rachel's arms. As she's hugging her, Rachel whispers into her ear, "and can you give my friend Finn here a hug too? He's a secret super hero and he starts to lose his powers if he doesn't get enough hugs."

"Oh no!" Barbie gasps, pulling back from Rachel and turning to look right up at Finn.

"Mr. Finn!" She calls, throwing her head back to look all the way up at his face.

Finn looks at Rachel stunned, her nudging him and nodding with her head to bend down and talk to her. He sucks in a deep breath and bends down in front of her.

"Yes ma'am?"

"She said you're a super hero, so I want to hug you so you can keep all of your super powers!" She throws her little arms around his neck, squeezing him tight before pulling back. "Did that help?" She asks hopeful.

"Yes," he whispers, "so much. Thank you."

"Since you're a super hero can you sign my book too?"

Finn turns to Rachel, grinning at her and wiping a stray tear that's escaped down his cheek.

"Of course."

Barbie grins up at him, thanking him as she takes her playbill back. "I have to go now, it's past my bed time," she states matter-of-factly.

Tom picks Barbie up, reaching out to shake both Finn and Rachel's hands. Angie, unable to control her emotions, reaches forward and pulls Rachel in for a hug, whispering thank you into her ear before turning to give Finn a quick hug as well.

Rachel clings to Finn as they watch them walk away. He grabs her hand and pulls her into the closest place, a twenty-four diner. He knows they both need a moment to compose themselves, so he walks straight into the women's restroom, closing them up in the large stall in the back. Rachel wraps her arms around him, burying her head in his warmth, and they stand there and cry together. They don't speak, words aren't necessary. They both understand how absolutely magnificent that moment was. They both know how grateful they are that they were in the right place at the right time enabling them to experience that; even more grateful that they were able to experience it with one another.

Rachel is the first to pull back, laughing a little when it registers to her where they are. "I was right, wasn't I? This really is the most perfect night ever."

"Its been incredible. And all because of you," he beams down at her, wiping away the few stray tears remaining on his cheeks. "I think there's one more little thing that could just really put it over the top though. In my opinion, at least."

"Oh really? What's that?"

"If you could tell me that Puck and I aren't liars."

"What?" She laughs. She had been fully anticipating a sex joke; this she was not expecting.

"Well, we may have told everyone in the seats around us that you're my girlfriend."

"Oh," she says, pursing her lips and quirking an eyebrow at him, trying her best not to smile.

"So...whatd'you think? Are we liars?"

"Hmmm, let me think about it," she grins, leaning up and placing a gentle kiss on his soft lips. "I'm not the type of girl to be best friends with a liar."

"No, you're not," he breathes as she reaches up to kiss him again.

"And I'm certainly not the kind of girl to kiss a liar like this," she grins, leaning forward and kissing Finn once more, him groaning against her quietly as she slips her tongue in his mouth. She pulls back after a moment, giggling at his dazed expression.

"So you're saying I'm not a liar?" He grins down at her.

"I'd say you're a definite truth teller Finn Hudson."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she bites her lip at the smile that breaks out across Finn's face, him leaning down to kiss her again as his phone starts beeping in his pocket. He pulls back reluctantly, looking down at his phone and smiling.

"I better get you home, beautiful girlfriend of mine, everyone's waiting for us. "

"Okay," she grins, "let's go."

They slip out of the bathroom to a few weird looks from some of the diner patrons, but they simply smile and duck their heads as they exit.

She wraps her arms around Finn's middle as they wait to hail a cab.

"This really has been the most perfect night ever, hasn't it" He asks, breathing in the New York air and smiling as he exhales.

"I was Fanny Brice. I got a standing ovation Finn! On broadway! Actual Broadway! My daughter told me she wants to be like me and we, we got to hug her! And, well, the most handsome man in the whole world told me he wants to be my boyfriend. So yeah, I'd definitely say it was the most perfect night ever."

* * *

Finn's had his sling off for a week when she decides it's time to finally consummate their relationship. She's made him wait long enough...she's certainly made herself wait long enough. He's her boyfriend. He loves her, he's not going anywhere. It's finally their time.

It just so happens Noah is heading out of town for the weekend, going out of state to visit his little sister and her new baby. His trip lines up perfectly with the weekend shows she'd promised her understudy, so Rachel plans to take full advantage of having the apartment to herself.

Noah winks at Rachel when she drops him off at the airport, turning back to her and tossing a jumbo pack of condoms at her before he leaves. "Just make sure he wraps it up this time Princess!" It's absolutely humiliating, but she just stuffs the box in her bag and gets out of there as soon as she can.

She has everything planned out to surprise Finn. She's just gotten back from dropping Noah off and she gets to work immediately getting everything the way she wants it. It doesn't take long, and when she's finished her stomach starts flip-flopping in excitement. She perches herself on the edge of her bed and finds Finn's number in her phone.

"Hey babe," he answers, her stomach flipping again at the smile she can hear in his voice.

"Finn! Hey, are you busy?"

"I just got off work, you know that silly girl."

"Do you think you could swing by? My uhm, my laptop isn't working."

"Your laptop?"

"Yeah and Noah isn't here so he can't help. I have some work I really need to finish as soon as possible."

"Okay, I'm just gonna swing by my place and shower real quick, then I'll be there."

"Please come now!" She whines, "You can shower here!"

"Will you shower with me?" he jokes.

"Maybe."

"S-serious?" He stammers.

"Maybe,"' she grins again.

"Shit baby, I'll be there in five."

She laughs as she texts him that the door is open and to come back to her room when he gets there. She throws her phone to the side and adjusts herself on the bed, waiting for him.

It's almost been five minutes exactly when she hears the door opening and Finn calling out his arrival.

"Hey babe I..." he stops speaking as he opens the door and takes in the sights in front of him. Rachel has all the lights off, lit candles glowing from every surface in her room and she's laying in the middle of it all, propped up on her bed in a black lacy bra and panty set, complete with garter belt, stockings and sky high black pumps.

"Hi Finn," she smiles standing up and walking towards him.

"Y-you're laptop...it's, it's not really broken is it?" He whispers with wide eyes.

"Nope," she grins, "I just wanted to surprise you. Did it work?"

"I'd say," he exhales, looking her up and down, "You look unbelievable baby."

"Well you've been the perfect gentleman waiting until I was ready and all, so I thought you deserved a little something in return, don't you agree?"

He simply nods dumbly at her, unable to take his eyes off of her.

"I love you Finn. I'm yours. We're all alone...no ones mom is bringing over burgers." They share a soft laugh before she looks back up at him seriously, "I know you aren't going anywhere and I want you. Let me show you how much I want you and how much I love you. Will you let me?" She asks, reaching out slowly to lift his shirt.

He helps pull his shirt off all the way, tossing it beside him on the floor.

"I love you so much Rachel. I would wait forever for you."

"I know that," she breathes, smiling at him before reaching out and touching his chest. She takes her time, delicately kissing each scar that litters his torso and following behind with the feather light touch of her fingers. Goosebumps erupt across his skin at the feeling of her lips on him and he slowly reaches his hands down to lift her head, not being able to wait any longer. He kisses her gently, softly caressing her tongue with his.

It's a slow burning flame, but he lights it in the pit of her stomach and she's dying to let it consume her; ready to finally fully give in to these sparks and not be afraid of getting burned anymore.

She watches as he reaches behind her to unclasp her bra, pulling it down for him and letting it fall to the floor.

"Rachel," he breathes, reaching out and placing a hand over each breast, squeezing them gently between his hands and making her toss her head back at the exquisite feeling of his strong, rough hands on her bare skin again.

He doesn't stop, alternating between massaging and tugging gently on her nipples, as she lifts her head back up and pulls his lips back down to hers. She reaches down to unbutton his jeans, helping him push them down before he takes over and kicks them off.

He drops his hands from her breasts and lifts her bridal style against him, carrying her to the bed and laying her down before him. He crawls on the bed in front of her, getting up on his knees between her legs and gently running his finger over her stockings as he watches her, smirking at the way she shivers under his touch.

He gently lifts one leg at a time, taking off her shoe and peeling off her stockings, his actions slow and deliberate, never once breaking eye contact with her. They've both been waiting for this moment for years, they want to do it right, remember every part of it.

He crawls over her, placing sweet kisses all over her face, stopping at her ear to whisper how much he loves her before he moves down to her chest, kissing her left breast, licking and nibbling at her hard nipple before moving to the right one.

Her entire body is on fire and she can practically feel herself dripping her desire onto the sheets beneath her. He's so much more confident and sure of his actions than he was their first time; the combination of love and desire in his eyes alone is almost enough to make her come undone without a single touch.

He dips his tongue in her belly button before stopping right above her panties, taking his time to kiss gently along her scar. He reaches up to squeeze her hand, looking straight into her eyes, "I love you Rachel."

"I love you too Finn," she whispers, as he moves back up to drop a short but passionate kiss on her lips. He pulls away from her grinning, moving to slowly pull her panties down, exposing her completely to him.

He stills, eyeing her entire body before looking back into her eyes. "You're so beautiful baby." Reaching forward, he slowly runs his fingers up and down her slick folds. "It's time to see if I can make you scream like dream me can," he smirks.

She can only manage a moan in response, his fingers exploring her wetness and making her ache for him like never before.

"Do you want that?" He asks, slowly pushing two fingers inside of her and twisting them around.

"Fiiinn," she whines, moving her hips against his hand, trying desperately to create the friction her body is screaming for. "Yes please."

He grins at her once more before diving between her legs and finally tasting what he's dreamt about for years. Her back arches off the bed, a mix between a scream and moan falling from her lips as he slowly moves his tongue from thrusting in and out of her to swirling and sucking on her most sensitive spot.

This puts her dream to shame, the feeling of Finn's tongue on her unlike anything she's ever felt before and she's pulling at his hair, moaning his name over and over again as he increases the speed and pressure. She hears him curse to himself as he comes up for air, sending a shock wave of tingles straight to her core and making her own curse fall from her lips as he goes faster and deeper.

Finally she snaps, and she's sure she's screaming his name, but all she can hear is the sound of her heart pumping in her head as she surrenders to the pure ecstasy coursing through her veins and vibrating through every last part of her body.

She slumps back against her pillow, laughing when she realizes what just happened.

"I would be concerned about your laughter if that wasn't just so fucking amazing," he grins, crawling back up to her face and kissing her deep, letting her taste herself on his lips; the combination of her taste and his confidence sending another bolt of electricity straight to her core, still throbbing from his magic.

"Mmm I'm sorry baby," she giggles against his lips, "it's just funny that I thought dream you was so good at that when the real you is...mmmm I don't even have words Finn...that was...indescribable."

"I do aim to please," he smirks, pulling her in for more kisses. If this is a preview of what else is to come tonight, Rachel absolutely can't wait to get on with the show.

"I think it's your turn," she grins wickedly. "Drop your shorts soldier!"

He grins at her, standing next to the bed and stepping out of his boxers. She stops him when he moves to rejoin her, pushing lightly on his chest and standing before him.

"Nuh-uh," she grins, reaching up to kiss his lips before slowly kissing her way down his torso. She hears Finn release a loud breath, grinning when she looks up and sees him watching her. She kneels in front of him, wrapping her hand around his length and slowly licking his tip without once breaking eye contact.

She holds his gaze as she licks him up and down, swirling her tongue around his tip before he finally throws his head back, groaning her name as she takes him in. She repeats this, taking him in as deep as she can, swallowing around him as he threads his fingers through her hair, guiding her head up and down his impossibly hard shaft. She begins humming against him and is startled by him pulling her back suddenly. She looks up with wide eyes and sees his eyes pinched closed, features rigid.

"Are you okay?" She whispers, afraid she's done something wrong, though she can't possibly imagine what that could be.

"Yes," he says through clenched teeth, waiting a minute before exhaling, pulling her close to him.

"I'm sorry baby, that was fucking unbelievable," he smiles down at her, cupping her head in his hands as he leans down to kiss her once more. "I just, I want to come inside you the first time and that was really, really close."

"Ohh," she grins, relieved at his words, "then what are you waiting for?"

"I'm not," he smirks, picking her up and throwing her back on the bed, her gasping as she bounces on the mattress. He's right behind her, practically jumping on top of her and pushing her back playfully.

"Are you positive Rach? If we go any further than this, I don't think I'll be able to stop."

"I'm more than positive Finn. I want you. _Now_."

He grins at her, positioning himself between her legs and dropping his head down to kiss her as he pushes in with one swift motion. They both break the kiss, crying out at the overwhelming sensation of finally being connected this way again.

He's still for a moment, giving himself time to feel everything before he starts moving in and out of her agonizingly slow. "Fuck baby," he breathes, "how are you still as tight as I remember you being?"

She doesn't answer, she can't, not as she feels him filling and stretching her in a way that no one has been able to since him. She reaches up, digging her nails into his back as he begins increasing his speed.

He buries his head in her shoulder, surrendering completely to his body, his thrusting becoming more powerful and more erratic the longer he's inside of her. He's whispering to her over and over again how much he loves her and how good she feels and she's answering him with her own promises of love and moaning his name as he hits a spot deep inside of her that no ones ever gotten to before.

"I'm s-so close Finn," she moans, knowing it'll only take one more thrust in the right spot to send her over the edge.

"Me too baby," he pants, sitting up and grabbing onto her knees as he throws his head back, moaning at the feeling of her snug walls surrounding him completely.

"Deeper Finn,_ oh God_!" she screams, gripping the sheets around her in her hands, knuckles turning white as he hits just the right spot, sending her spiraling off the edge and taking him with her; stars exploding behind her eyes and ears ringing in her head as her entire body shakes from the impact of her orgasm.

She's gasping for air when she opens her eyes, chest heaving as she sees Finn throw himself down on the bed beside her. She turns to face him, a giggle escaping her mouth at the way his jaw is hanging open and his eyes are dazed.

"Was that...was that worth the wait?" She asks shyly, still trying to catch her breath.

He turns his head to look at her slowly, the most glorious smile spreading across his face. "You have no idea," he breathes, "you, you are...fuck Rachel that was..."

"I know," she grins, "and so were you." She punctuates her statement by leaning in and kissing him again, slowly...gently.

"Well, you're gonna have to kill me if you ever wanna get rid of me now baby because there's no going back to living without _that_," he smirks.

"Hmmm," she laughs, allowing him to wrap her up in his arms, pulling her as close to him as possible. "Good thing the feeling is mutual."

"Oh shit!" He cries suddenly, shooting up in bed. "I'm so sorry Rach! I'm such a fucking idiot!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"I didn't use a fucking condom! How the fuck did I forget a condom?!"

"Finn," she calls but he doesn't look up, still in the middle of his miniature freak out.

"Finn, baby," she calls, crawling into his lap and cupping his face.

"God, I'm so sorry Rach!"

"I'm on birth control Finn. It's okay, I promise."

"You're..you're on the pill?"

"I am," she nods, smiling at him to let him know it's okay.

"Oh," he exhales, the relief clear on his face. "Okay. Good." He laughs a little at himself. "Sorry, it's just, we just got everything figured out and good again. I don't want to mess anything up. Not this time."

"I know baby," she smiles. "Thank you."

He leans down to kiss her again. The lingering sensations from their orgasms quickly morphing into more as their kiss heats up.

She catches him off guard by jumping up suddenly and heading to the door. It takes him a second to ask where she's going, momentarily distracted by her perky ass bouncing right in front of him.

She smirks as she looks back at him over her shoulder, "We have a lot of time to make up for Finn. And I believe you mentioned something about a shower?"

He's on his feet and next to her in less than a second, "I did. So let's not waste anymore time then."

Her squeals bounce off the walls of the dark apartment as he scoops her into his arms and carries her to the shower, intent on making up for all the years spent apart.


	9. Love You Better Now

**I couldn't sleep last night, so this happened...much sooner than I expected it to :)**

**I apologize if you felt their reunion was rushed, but we had been working towards that for 8 chapters. It is much easier to hold on to your anger and hurt when the source is not around you constantly being beautiful and wonderful like Finn was being. I had him get hurt because Rachel needed to accept the fact that even if Finn himself has no intention of ever leaving her again, that doesn't mean that God/the universe is on the same page as him. She's stubborn though, so she needed to be force fed the lesson that life is short and that if she really loves Finn she needs to tell him.**

**With that said, I am super grateful for every review and I greatly appreciate criticisms that are presented in a non-hostile manner. Seriously! I'm totally an amateur at this writing thing and the fact that this story is as coherent as it is still kind of amazes me lol! But do remember, we still have this chapter to get through before the actual happy ending... no one said forgiveness and sex** **= no more issues...**

**Title and quote from Ed Sheeran's "Lego House"**

* * *

_I'm out of touch, I'm out of love_

_I'll pick you up when you're getting down_

_And out of all these things _I've d_one _

_I will love you better now_

Rachel wakes feeling happier than she has in, well, _ever_. She stretches lazily, feeling the blush staining her cheeks as she recalls the events of last night. She and Finn had spent the majority of the night becoming re-acquainted with each other's bodies and she still feels so tired and sore, but in the most delicious way. She smiles to herself thinking of Finn. She's always heard people say that holding onto anger and refusing to forgive hurts you worse than it does anyone else, and she's finally realizing how true that is. She knows some people won't understand why she's chosen to give him another chance, but that's okay with her. He's different now. _She's_ different now. She can feel it in her bones, it's evident in everything he says and everything he does. He's been to hell and back and she thinks it's time they both stop torturing themselves over mistakes they've made in the past. She loves him in a way that she can't even find the words to articulate properly, she always has, so she's going to embrace that regardless of anyone else's opinion. It wasn't their time back then. It's their time now.

She feels a warm buzz envelop her insides as she thinks of she and Finn finally getting it right, having the relationship she's always dreamt of. She rolls over, ready to pick up where they left off last night, but as she reaches out for him she feels only empty space beside her. Wait, where is he?

She sits up looking around the room frantically. He's not here. His clothes aren't even here. She wraps the sheet around herself and jumps up, running down the hall, calling out his name to see if he's in the bathroom. There's no answer.

She stops moving, standing in the middle of the hallway and trying her hardest to not overreact. She takes a deep breath, he didn't leave. He didn't just leave you Rachel, she repeats over and over again. Her heart believes her, but her brain isn't buying it. Suddenly she's that eighteen year old girl all over again, checking her phone non stop to see if he's called; the girl who has to hide in the bathroom at school and cry after he passes by her in the hallway and looks at her sadly before looking away and turning the other direction.

She thinks she's starting to hyperventilate a little, clutching the sheet against her naked chest as it heaves up and down, her heart doing it's best to ignore the taunting of her brain on repeat, "He left you again. He left you again."

She's got herself convinced that he's halfway to Canada by now with Quinn Fabray on his arm when she hears the front door open. She races around the corner, looking up to see Finn, fully dressed, headed towards the kitchen, smiling and whistling without a care in the world.

_What is wrong with him?_

She's paralyzed by her emotions, intense relief swirling with confusion and what can only be described as _rage_. She wants to kiss him and hit him all at the same time. Why would he think it was a good idea to just get up first thing in the morning and leave?

He comes back into view, holding a tray full of food and two glasses of orange juice, whistling the whole way until he catches sight of her.

"Oh, hey beautiful!" He stops, shooting her that lopsided grin she both hates and loves more than anything. "I didn't think you'd be up yet. I made you breakfast."

He leans over to kiss her softly on the cheek, but she doesn't move, still watching him with what she's sure are the eyes so lovingly deemed by Noah as her "crazy eyes."

He seems to finally notice the crazy eyes and the way her chest is heaving when he pulls back. "Rach, are you okay? Do you...do you not like scrambled eggs? I'm sorry, that's all I really got going on in the kitchen breakfast wise."

He's blushing and smiling so sheepishly at her that she almost reaches out and pulls him into her arms, happy to pretend this morning didn't happen the way it did, but she can't.

"Where were you?" She whispers and she can see the realization dawn on his face immediately.

"Oh my God Rachel," he breathes, sitting the tray down and pulling her against him, sitting her down in his lap as he sits on the edge of the couch. "I didn't, _shit_...I wasn't thinking."

"We had sex and then, and then you weren't there. It felt like...I felt like..."

"Baby I'm so sorry. I just wanted to make you breakfast in bed. I was trying to get finished before you woke up, but then I dropped the carton of eggs and I made this _huge_ mess. God I'm so stupid I didn't even think. I'm so sorry."

"But -but you left. Where did you go?"

"I was taking the trash out. I kinda, well I made a really big mess. The trash was overflowing. I just, I just stepped out to put it down the trash chute for you. I was trying to be nice. I'm so, so sorry Rachel."

She doesn't respond, just snuggles further into his embrace. She's not sure what just happened. She woke up and Finn wasn't there and she just, she lost it. Is this how it's always going to be? Will this fear ever go away?

"Are you okay?...Are, are we okay?" He whispers, almost as if he's afraid of what her answer is going to be.

She sighs heavily into his chest, not really knowing how to respond to his question.

"Rachel?"

"I love you Finn, I do and I want to be with you more than anything. I just...I guess there's just always going to be a part of me that's scared that you're just going to disappear on me."

"I love you too Rachel. _So much_, and I hate myself that this is even a thing for us. You shouldn't have to be afraid of that, it makes me sick to my stomach that you are. But if you let me, every single day for the rest of my life, over and over again I'm going to prove to you that there's nothing to be afraid of. I'm going to prove it you Rach, I swear."

She sniffles into his shirt and she knows he's right, but it's going to take a little bit of time before she fully trusts him again. She's already made the decision to give him a second chance, she's his girlfriend, she let him make love to her last night; she's made the decision that it's worth it if it means she can be with Finn. Because it is. She's not interested in going back to a life without him. She's lived that life, it's not what she wants. She promised to give him that chance, so she's going to.

"Okay," she finally whispers.

"Okay?" He asks looking down, waiting for her to look back up at him.

"Yeah."

"Thank you," he whispers as he leans down and presses his lips against hers. "I'll never be able to tell you properly how grateful I am for you giving me this chance Rachel. You'll never know how much I love you and if I didn't still remember the look of horror on your face the night you thought I was proposing, I'd marry you right now."

She can't help the small giggle that escapes her mouth at his words. If Finn is good at anything, it's making her laugh and helping her feel comfortable again after an awkward moment.

"I wasn't _horrified_," she grins, "but it would have been very inappropriate then."

"I know, I know, but just you wait. I'm gonna get you to agree to marry me one day. And I'm gonna promise to love you every single day for the rest of forever in front of God and everyone."

"We'll see," she smiles at him, eyes twinkling, thankful to feel at ease with him once again.

"Oh we will see, but for now, can I convince you to get back in bed with me and have breakfast? Your eggs are getting cold."

"Yes, we can do that."

She allows him to stand, still holding her close to his body as he walks her back to the bedroom. He lays her on the bed before turning back to retrieve the breakfast tray from where he left it in the livingroom.

He stops when he catches sight of her as he re-enters the room, sitting cross legged atop her bed wearing a NYFD t-shirt.

"Uhm, why do you have that shirt on?" He asks, looking down at the identical shirt he's currently wearing.

"I don't like to eat naked," she shrugs, "It was the first one I grabbed from my drawer."

"Can you...uhm, do you think you could change?"

"Why?" She laughs.

"I-I dunno, I just..uhm.."

She's watching the way he's avoiding making eye contact with her, sitting the tray down next to her and rubbing at the back of his neck when she realizes what's going on.

"Finn," she says softly, sitting up on her knees in front of him where he's still standing next to the bed, "do you want me to change because I'm wearing Noah's shirt?"

"What? No.." he mumbles, still refusing to make eye contact with her.

"Finn, are you jealous of Noah?" She can't help but laugh, slapping a hand over her mouth when he gives her a dirty look.

"No! I just...you're naked except for his shirt and I dunno, that's weird."

She's wondered before if Noah was going to be an issue for Finn, but so far he hasn't seemed to be, or at least, Finn hasn't let her know that he was. He has absolutely no reason to be jealous of him, but there is a lot of history there so it is understandable.

"Okay," she smiles shyly, reaching for the seam of her shirt and slowly lifting it over her head. Finn's eyes are intent on her actions, licking his lips as her naked body stands before him again. He reaches out to touch her, but she swats at his hand, instead grabbing the seam of his own shirt and pulling at it, urging him to help her pull it off. She grins triumphantly once it's in her hands, slipping it back over her head and sitting back to grab her food.

"Wait, what just happened?"

"That's one of my favorite shirts to wear around the house Finn. If you don't want me wearing Noah's I won't, but I'm taking yours."

"But you were naked and taking my shirt off so I thought..."

"Finn, ten minutes ago I thought you'd left me. I'm not having sex with you right now."

"Hmm," he hums as he narrows his eyes at her, stripping off his pants and hoping in bed next to her in just his boxers. "I tried to block it from my mind but since I couldn't, I seem to remember Puck saying something about you not allowing food in the bedroom unless there's something in it for you."

"I haven't a clue what you're referring to."

Finn leans over closer to her, ignoring the fork full of eggs she's chewing on as he positions his mouth right at her ear, the sensation of his facial scruff rubbing against her neck sending chills across her heated skin. "Pretty sure he said something about a screaming orgasm, am I right?"

She giggles nervously, hating the way he has such a physical effect on her. "He may have said that."

"Then I better make sure I follow the rules, huh?"

He's kissing her neck now and it's so hard to resist him when he's close like this, but she's not giving in this easy. Not yet.

"Let me finish my breakfast first and then we'll see if the punishment fits the crime."

"Whatever you want baby," he whispers into her neck, still kissing as she nibbles on a strawberry from the bowl of fruit he made her. "What else do you want?"

She's silent for a moment, swallowing the last bit of strawberry before she whispers, "I want you to stay with me. Forever."

He pulls back then, obviously expecting her answer to be sexual, not this, but he smiles his heart stopping smile at her and kisses her on the lips, enjoying the lingering taste of strawberry.

He pulls back, eyes full of promise, "Done."

* * *

Being Finn Hudson's girlfriend is as amazing as she's always dreamt it would be. He's so attentive to all of her needs and is always so loving and supportive. She's lost count of how many of her shows he's attended, always trying to come on his nights off. She would never expect him to come as often as he does, but he insists. He tells her he loves seeing her on stage and she has to admit, it seems to be an aphrodisiac of sorts for him. He's always a little more eager and hungry for her on the nights he's been to the show. She's certainly not complaining.

She's trying her best to not freak out every time something weird happens anymore, like anytime she wakes up and he's not in bed with her. It actually happens more than you'd think, Finn being an early riser thanks to his years of military service. He tries his best to always be there when she wakes up, but sometimes his timing is off. It's always the same crippling bolt of fear that shoots through her body, the agonizing feeling of abandonment before she forces herself to take a deep breath and calm down. He's always just in the other room, using the bathroom, getting a drink of water or making her breakfast. She thinks it's getting a little better, because every time, no matter how much she panics at first, he's always right there without fail. He promised he wasn't going anywhere, and he's keeping his promise.

They're laying in his bed one day discussing her fear of abandonment when he asks if she felt like that in her other relationships. They've never really discussed who else they've been with, so it catches Rachel a little off guard. She tells him Noah is the only other real boyfriend she's had, though she has slept with one other man, that little situation never turning into a real relationship. She in turn finds out he's had several casual hook ups through the years, random girls who lived around the base, all just serving as a warm body to help cool the sting of the lonely life he was living. She's the first real girlfriend he's had since Quin...and hopefully the last.

She understands more now why Finn has a bit of a jealousy thing about Noah. He and Noah are practically best friends, they get along like brothers, and she knows he loves him, but she sees the look in his eyes when Noah makes one of his jokes or the way he flinches slightly when she makes a reference only Noah understands. He's the only person either one of them has ever loved besides each other. And she did love him, very truly, but it was different than the way she loves Finn. He was her lifeline, he brought her back to life and she's certain she couldn't have survived the years apart from Finn without him. She thinks that's important for Finn to understand, but it's also important for him to understand that it didn't work out between she and Noah because of her love for Finn.

They're at her apartment, Finn just excusing himself to get a drink of water after their morning of marathon sex, when he comes back in her room in a huff. It's Monday, her off day and they've planned to spend the whole day together since Finn has the day off as well. Given their insane work schedules, it's such a rarity for them to both have the same day off and they've been looking forward to spending all day together all week. She can tell immediately by the set of his jaw and the way he's refusing to make eye contact with her that something is wrong.

"Finn, what's wrong babe?"

"Nothing," he snaps, sitting on the edge of her bed facing away from her. She's momentarily distracted by the muscles in his back, taking a moment to appreciate the fact that he's still wearing only his boxers before she tries again.

"Finn..."

"Nothing's wrong okay?"

It's then she hears a loud bang come from else where in the apartment and she realizes Noah must have come home unexpectedly at some point. She sighs, letting the sheet fall away from her naked form as she gets on her knees and crawls towards him. She wraps her arms around his shoulders from behind when she reaches him, feeling him relax slightly at the feeling of her naked chest pressing against his bare back.

"Did Noah come home?" She whispers, kissing him softly on his neck as she rubs her hands up and down his chest.

"Yup."

"Did he make another one of his stupid comments to you?"

"Yup."

"Baby you know you should just ignore him right?"

"I try Rachel," he says through gritted teeth, "but he knows everything about you and it just...it makes me sick."

"Finn he-"

"He asked me if you've done "that thing" you do yet. And when I said what're you talking about, he said you obviously haven't don't it, because I would definitely know what the hell he was talking about if you had. What is he talking about Rachel? Fuck, he's probably the one who taught you this magical _thing_."

"Finn," she giggles a little against his neck despite her best efforts to stifle her amusement, "I'm pretty sure he's just making things up to get under your skin. I think he does that to you as his weird version of payback for hurting me."

"It's not funny Rachel."

"I know, I'm sorry, but I honestly don't know what he's referring to."

"I fucking hate it when he talks about sex with you. You're not just some girl we pass around and trade notes on. You're, you're fucking Rachel! You're my future wife for God's sake!"

"Finn," she breathes, never realizing how successful Noah actually was being at getting under Finn's skin, "I'll talk to him, okay?"

"I'm sorry Rach, I just...you were with him for a whole year. You loved him. You _still_ love him. You were sleeping with him practically the entire time I was gone. What if...what if you realize one day that he's better? That he's better than me?"

"Okay Finn, you can't be upset that I was with someone else when you were gone. I never knew if you were coming back. I was doing the best I could."

"I know," he whispers, hanging his head in shame.

She maneuvers her way around him then, catching him off guard when she's suddenly straddling him as he remains seated on the edge of the bed.

"Look at me Finn," she uses her index finger to push his chin up lightly, forcing him to look at her. "Yes I love Noah, he is my _best friend._ And yes, there was a time when I was in love with him, but that was a long time ago. We broke up because even knowing nothing about you, he knew my heart belonged to someone else. I didn't continue to sleep with him every once in awhile because I couldn't resist him or because I was so in love with him. I slept with him because it comforted me. It helped me not feel so alone. Because I was alone Finn. I didn't have you...and-and because I didn't have Barbie. He was there when I didn't have anyone."

"And I hope you know how thankful I am for him always being there for you. I am Rachel I swear, I just...fuck just sometimes I think-"

"Finn, I've never loved anyone the way I love you. There's not a chance in this world that I'll decide I want to be with anyone else _but you_. I'm with you now aren't I? After everything we've been through, isn't it obvious you're the only one I want?"

He smiles at her sadly, reaching up to rub his hands up and down her back gently. He opens his mouth to say something else, but she silences him, leaning forward and placing a gentle kiss to his lips.

"And _no one_, not even Noah, will ever come close to how you make me feel physically."

"Yeah?"

"Mmmhmmm," she grins as she slowly begins rolling her hips against his boxer clad lap.

"Tell me more," he breathes, gripping her tiny waist tightly between his hands.

"No one can turn me on like you do. Just the sound of your voice can make me wetter than I've ever been."

"Rach," he groans, leaning down to kiss along her jaw as she continues to grind down against his ever hardening erection.

"And these fingers," she sighs, grabbing one of his hands and kissing each fingertip lightly until he looks at her, licking his index finger from knuckle to tip before sucking it into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it as she moves it back out slowly. His eyes dilate and he groans at her actions, her pulling his finger out with a pop. "These fingers are magic. And oh yes," she smirks, leaning down to kiss him once quickly, "this tongue does wicked things to me that I've never had done to me before." He leans forward then, crashing lips onto hers in a scorching hot kiss, both battling for dominance as they continue to grind into each other through the barrier of Finn's boxers.

They're both panting as she pulls back, threading her fingers through his hair as a moan escapes her lips at the feeling of his painfully hard erection rubbing against her sensitive nub.

"And fuck Finn," she moans, finally stilling her motions to reach down and cup the massive bulge under his shorts. He quickly lifts her, standing just enough to push the offending shorts out of the way and kick them across the room. "My absolute favorite part." She grins, biting her lip as she looks down at his dick, pulsating under her intense gaze.

"Your favorite part?" He asks, voice strained as he digs his fingers into her waist, lifting her and sinking her down on him in one swift motion.

"YES!" She screams as his actions take her by surprise. "Yes, my favorite part." She moans, moving over him as he helps guide her up and down. "No one has ever come close..." she's breathless as she tries to finish her sentence, biting her lip as Finn watches her with dark, lust filled eyes, "No one can fill me the way you do. Fuck Finn! No one...mmmm shit, no one has ever gone has deep as you can."

"Fuck Rachel," he grunts, her words spurring him on as he begins thrusting into her just as forcefully as he's pulling her down on top of him.

"No one's ever fucked me the way you can FIIINNN! YES! HARDER!"

He reaches up with one hand, yanking on her hair as he continues to pump furiously into her, biting down on her neck, desperately needing to make her come as she drops down on him over and over again.

"Has anyone ever made you come like me baby?" He pants against her neck, his words sending a bolt of pleasure straight through her, triggering her orgasm as she grinds down on him as hard as she can, riding out the intense waves of pleasure and triggering Finn's release.

"God no," she wails as she's coming down from her high, stilling her movements as Finn eases his grip on her, kissing her gently on her shoulder and making his way up towards her mouth. "No ones ever made me come like you can Finn."

He stops when his mouth reaches the corner of her lips, placing a soft kiss there before pulling back to look at her. "I love Finn. You're the only one I want."

"I don't deserve you Rachel."

"Stop Finn. No more talking like that okay?"

"You're incredible, you know that? I love you so fucking much."

"I know," she grins, mouth open against his, nipping lightly at his lips, "but you can tell me both as many times as you want."

"I will," he grins, closing his lips around hers in a passionate kiss.

"ARE YOU FREAKS DONE? I'M TRYING TO WATCH A MOVIE OUT HERE!"

Finn stills against her, groaning as they hear Noah yelling at them from the living room.

"It _is_ kinda weird that you still live with him."

"I suppose it is," she agrees, playing with the curls at the nape of his neck.

"We can change that anytime you're ready to," he whispers, pulling back so that he's looking her dead in her eyes.

"Do you...are you asking me to move in with you?"

"We've been together for a few months now Rach, but I've been in love with you forever. And I think we're both on the same page about where this is going. I don't want to rush you, but...when you're ready. You have a home waiting for you. With me."

"Finn..." She breathes, searching his eyes for any trace of hesitance or doubt and finding none.

"You don't have to answer right now, but-"

"Yes!"

"Yes?"

"Yes Finn! I'll move in with you."

He beams, leaning into her waiting lips, doing his best to convey his excitement to her through his kiss. "You've just made me so happy roomie."

She giggles into his kiss, just as excited as Finn for this next chapter in their lives.

* * *

Noah is not very pleased with her when she tells him she's moving out. She sits him down and has a long talk with him and he finally agrees that they both knew their living arrangement was temporary. They always knew it would change when they got serious with someone, it just happened to be Rachel, and with Finn, something neither of them saw coming the day they signed their lease.

She promises nothing is going to change between them, they'll still see each other all the time, and she promises to help him find a new roommate, him thoroughly grossing her out when he wonders out loud if Santana and Brittany would be interested in taking over her room. She shudders at what that living arrangement would mean, feeling sorry for her room and also so, so thankful that walls can't talk. She doesn't need to hear any stories about the sexual escapades of Noah and his sister wives.

The night she's fully moved into Finn's apartment, correction, _their_ apartment, they celebrate by cracking open a bottle (or two) of champagne and making love in every room of the house.

Afterwards, when she's sitting naked on the kitchen island (something she'll freak out about tomorrow when she's no longer tossing back glasses of champagne), Finn standing between her legs and feeding her the chocolate covered strawberries he forgot he bought her, she asks him if he ever thought they'd be here.

"I always knew I'd end up with you."

"Even when you were with Quinn?"

"I used to close my eyes and imagine you when she would kiss me. So I'd say yeah," he grins.

"Even when you were gone?"

"Redeeming my father's name and getting back home to make things right with you were the only things that got me through those years Rach."

"What about when we looked at this apartment together. Did you envision me here with you?"

"Of course, why do you think I asked you to come along? Wanted to make sure you liked your future home."

"The place doesn't matter you know, only the man I'm sharing it with."

"I've messed up so much in my life," he breathes, dropping a half eaten strawberry on the counter and cupping her face in his hands, "God I've messed up so badly. But man I must have done something right somewhere along the way to deserve you. I'll never get over how amazing you are."

She places her hands on his forearms, leaning in to kiss him slowly, sensually, pulling back and licking her lips before she speaks. "You were a stupid and selfish boy Finn, but you're an amazing and selfless man. Just being _Finn_, that's what makes you deserve me. You're my hero, you know that?"

The look of awe and amazement in Finn's eyes makes her heart flutter in time with the butterflies in her stomach that Finn still has the power to create, even after all this time. He puts his hand over his heart, closing his eyes and smiling at her words before leaning forward to kiss her, stopping just before their lips meet to whisper, "You're mine."

* * *

She's so excited when she opens her email and finds a new message from Angie. She's been occupied so much lately with Finn and the show, but Barbie's never that far away from her thoughts. She replays their meeting from her opening night over and over again in her head all the time. She knows Barbie didn't know they were her birth parents, but just having her look at her the way she did, getting to hold her, if only for that short moment, it was indescribable.

She can feel herself grinning like a fool when she reads Angie's words.

_"Something has finally knocked Frozen from its coveted pedestal of most requested movie in the Monroe house. That's right, it's now FUNNY GIRL! She's been running around and singing "Don't Rain on my Parade" for months, but only just let us record her. Apparently it's finally up to her standards! She still talks about meeting you, you're her idol now :) Thought you might enjoy this! Talk soon!"_

It's past midnight when Finn finally makes it in from work, and she knows he'll be terrified when he finds her curled up in bed crying with tissues spread all around, but she doesn't care.

"Oh hey, you're still up?" He whispers, shining the dim light from his cell phone on her to confirm that she really is awake. "Oh no baby, what happened?" He reaches over and clicks on her bed side lamp, moving to sit next to her on the bed and reaching out for one of her hands.

She yanks it away from him, startling him and making him flinch a little at the rejection.

"What's wrong Rachel?"

She doesn't respond, just points to the laptop at the foot of the bed, so he gets up and brings it back next to her, pressing a couple keys to bring it back to life. The email is still open on the screen and she knows he's smiling as he reads it without even looking at him.

"Do you want me to watch it?" He asks quietly, obviously still completely unsure of what's going on.

She still doesn't look at him, just shrugs. She doesn't know if he takes that as a yes or if his own desire to see his daughter on screen makes him do it, but regardless she knows he's clicked play when the sound of her daughter's adorable, strong, impressive and utterly beautiful voice surges through the room. She can't help it as another sob rips through her body, her tiny frame shaking as she cries for her daughter and for what could have been. She didn't know she was going to react this way when she watched the video, but by about the tenth time she'd hit replay, she couldn't hold her tears back anymore.

She hears Finn close the laptop before the song is finished. He's walking around the bed so he can kneel down beside it and be more at eye level with her she knows. Which she thinks is kind of stupid because when are they ever really at eye level with each other anyway? But she doesn't say anything. She knows she's just being a bitch because she's so emotional right now.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks softly, reaching up to run his fingers through her hair in what is supposed to be a comforting manner. She pulls away from him though, turning her head the other way as she mumbles, "Not with you."

"What?" He breathes and she can hear the heartache in his tone, crushing her heart just a little bit more, but she can't be nice to him right now. She just wants to be left alone.

"Rachel please talk to me. That video is amazing! She's amazing just like you baby. She wants to be-"

"SHUT UP!"

Finn jumps back at her words, standing slowly as he stares down at her. They don't talk to each other like this, not since they've been back together and the hurt written all over his face makes her regret her words immediately.

"I'm sorry Finn. And you're right, that video is amazing, but all it does is make me miss her. That's my _daughter_, but she calls another woman mommy. I'm her _idol_...I'm an untouchable celebrity to her who gets to hug her once during a chance meeting on the street when really, I'm the one who carried her for nine months and gave birth to her! The one who named her! I'm sorry Finn, really. I'm just having a really hard night so forgive me for not wanting to talk about this any further with the father who didn't even know she existed until this year!"

"Rachel-"

"No Finn! You don't get to pretend you know what it's been like for me! Not tonight! This is what I've been dealing with the past six years while you were out being a big shot hero!"

"That's not fair," he whispers, looking down to the floor. "You know I would have done everything in my power to be here, to help you, to do everything for _her and you_ if I had known."

"Yeah, well what else is new. I hear an awful a lot of "I woulda done this if"-s from you Finn. Gimme a break for tonight will you?"

"I'm trying really hard to stay calm right now Rachel, but you're making it really hard."

"DO YOU EVEN MISS HER?" She shouts, catching him off guard again, "ARE YOU EVEN A LITTLE SAD SHE CALLS ANOTHER MAN DADDY?!"

"OF COURSE I AM!" He roars, "What kind of a monster do you think I am?"

She cowers a little at his tone, but she doesn't relent. "You never talk about it Finn. You never talk about her!"

"Because it's too damn hard Rachel! You're the _woman I love,_ I think about having a baby with you the all the time, but then I get sick to my stomach thinking about how we already have a baby! And how our baby is out there with _other people_! That I lived _five years_ of my life with half of my heart out of my chest, walking around New York calling some dude named Tom daddy and I didn't even know it! I didn't even know that's where the fuck that half of my heart was! I just knew it was missing...I just knew there was a gaping fucking hole in my chest Rachel!"

"Finn..."

"You know those nightmares I have sometimes? The ones where I wake you up screaming in pain? Or I wake you up because I'm crying so fucking loud in my sleep that it actually _wakes you up_? You always assume those are about the war, and usually they are, so I let you think that because I don't want to upset you anymore. But guess what? Those aren't always about the war Rachel!"

She stares at him, stunned and not knowing how to respond. He's never told her any of this.

"I know everything you went through with Barbie makes this a million times harder for you and I'm not denying that, but please don't pretend like this doesn't fucking rip my heart out too. I'm hurting too Rachel. Shutting me out won't make anything better. _I'm right here_. I love her too, please don't shut me out,_ I'm right here_."

He drops to his knees and he's crying like she hasn't seen him do since the night she told him about Barbie. The night they laid all their ghosts bare for the other to see. She jumps off the bed and onto her knees, wrapping her thin arms around him as he pulls her into his lap, each clinging to the other for dear life. The quiet night is filled with their sobs; both apologizing over and over again and promising their love as the hours pass and they stay intertwined on the floor, neither willing to let go.

"You've gone through enough alone Rachel, you don't have to anymore. I'm right here." He grabs her hand and places it over his heart, allowing her to feel the way it's pumping life through him against her hand. _"I'm right here Rachel_. You don't have to go through anything else alone, ever again."

She nods at him, whispering that she loves him through her tears as he finally stands, carrying her with him and laying down in bed. They remain wrapped around each other as he flicks off the lamp and cocoons them with their blanket, both easily surrendering to sleep as their emotional exhaustion takes it's toll.

* * *

She's still tangled with Finn when the sun rises, immediately feeling how swollen and itchy her eyes are from a night of crying. Finn stirs next to her and she watches him as she gently combs her fingers through his hair. She feels guilty for lashing out on him last night, for some reason the video just struck a chord with her and she couldn't stop crying. A year ago, she would have snuck into Noah's room and tried to escape her reality by losing herself in his body, but things are different now and that obviously wasn't a very effective solution anyhow.

She's so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't realize Finn is awake until she hears his soft voice, "That feels good."

She looks down at him quickly, tears springing to her eyes again, "I'm so sorry I behaved like that last night Finn."

He sits up, leaning in to kiss her gently before pulling back, "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did."

"Let's both just forget last night happened and move forward," she's reaching up to kiss him again, but he places his hands on her arms gently and pushes her back.

"Rach, we can't just pretend this isn't a huge issue for us. This is going to be something we struggle with, probably for forever."

"I know," she slumps defeated, "but what can we do? It's too late, we can't get her back. And I don't, I don't wish bad things to happen to Tom or Angie. They're great people and they've taken amazing care of her."

"I know. She'll always be our baby, but she'll never be our girl."

"I know," she says, lower lip trembling wildly as fresh tears pour down her face.

"Come here baby," he breathes, enveloping her in his strong arms. "I just want you to remember that I'm always here for you. You don't have to hide any emotion from me ever. We don't have to pretend with each other."

"I know that Finn. Thank you."

He leans down and kisses her softly, grinning a little as she refuses to pull away, gently sticking her tongue in his mouth and caressing his strong muscle. She reaches back and pulls off the robe she's still wearing from last night, laying down and pulling Finn on top of her.

"Make love to me Finn," she whispers between kisses.

"Baby, we can't hide from our feelings with sex."

"I know, that's not what this is. Please I just want to be close to you. That's all. Please Finn."

"Okay baby," he breathes, peeling his shirt off over his head and dropping back down to kiss over, feeling her little hands working furiously to get his pants down. He pauses his kisses, only to sit up and rid himself of both his pants and boxers, before laying back over her and continuing his slow, deep kisses that are making her dizzy with passion.

He reaches a hand under her night gown and moans into her mouth when he feels nothing but skin against his finger tips. He takes his time stroking her, building her up to an agonizingly slow frenzy, never once breaking from his deep, powerful kisses. She comes with a strangled cry that he swallows, not wasting any time as he immediately thrusts into her, sending her over the edge a second time, moaning his name as he pumps in and out of her in a sweet slow rhythm.

They move together in perfect synchronicity, grasping each other's hands over her head as they promise their love for one another over and over again.

"Let's make a baby," she whispers, startling him and making him still his motions until she begins wriggling beneath him, silently urging him to keep moving.

He pinches his eyes shut and bites back a groan as he begins pumping into her, just as slowly as before. "Rach, another baby, isn't going to make our pain go away."

"I...I ahhh Finn I know," she pants,trying her hardest to speak through the exquisite pleasure fighting for control of her thoughts. "She's p-perfect. Our love made a perfect angel Finn." She has to stop for a moment, throwing her head back as she and Finn both release loud moans, echoing off the walls around them.

"She is perfect, just like you" he whispers, burying his face in her neck and sucking lightly at her sweet skin.

"But you're right, she's not ours. Not, not anymore. Oh GOD FINNN, mmm don't you, don't you want a baby that's ou-ours?"

"Yes, baby so-so fucking bad."

"Please. P-please Finn, let's make a baby."

"Yes," he breathes.

"Did you...ooooh Finn did you just say yes?"

"YES!" They both scream together as Finn finally hits just the right spot, giving them both the sweet release they'd been craving, clinging to one another the whole time.

He collapses on top of her, hands still intertwined, chests heaving together as they silently think about what they just agreed to. He shifts a little to the side, not wanting to crush her under his weight. He reaches down and wipes some of the hair sticking to her forehead away before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to her swollen lips.

"Did we just agree to have a baby?" He whispers.

"I think we did," she grins, hardly able to keep her excitement at bay.

"I want to Rachel, really badly, but you know...you know this isn't going to solve our issues with Barbie right?"

"I know," she sighs, "we'll hurt for the rest of our lives over her and we'll always love her. I know having another baby isnt going to make those feelings go away, or- or replace her in our hearts."

He leans down and kisses her, hating to see the pain in her eyes.

"But I'm ready now. _We're_ ready now. Finn I'm...I'm a _mom_, I'm a mom without a baby and that kills me. _Everyday_ it kills me. I know another baby won't replace Barbie or magically heal any of my wounds, but I want to try Finn. I want what our love can create Finn. I need another piece of that." She's cries again, tears streaming down her face as she looks so lovingly into Finn's eyes.

"Then let's do it. Let's make a baby."

"Are you sure Finn? I need to know you want this as bad as I do."

"I'm positive Rachel. The only thing I want more in this world than a miniature you, is _you_. Let's make a baby."

* * *

The day she and Finn decide to try for a baby, she throws her package of birth control pills away. She's so excited, immediately going online and beginning her research, reading every article she can on how to increase their chances of conception. She's a little overwhelmed at a the information she finds. They didn't even try last time, it just happened, but apparently there's a real science to it...according to some people at least.

There's articles about what foods to eat and which to avoid, which sexual positions to use when trying, how to lay after you have sex, how often you should do it, what kind of lubrication you should use, all kinds of things she never even thought about. She takes notes in a notepad, wanting to remember to tell Finn that he needs to avoid hot baths or hot tubs until they conceive and to wear loose boxers all the time and not any of his briefs. She needs his swimmers in tip top shape and she's need there to be plenty of them.

She limits them to sex once a day, every other day because she read that will help Finn keep his sperm count up, and that's definitely a priority. She's a stickler about this, even showing up at the fire station and having her way with him in the bathroom if they aren't going to be home at the same time together on a "sex day."

Noah thinks she's gone crazy, telling her there's no way a baby is going to solve anything. She's tired of explaining to him that they're not having a baby to solve anything, they're having it because they want one. They want to be parents! For real this time. Maybe part of it is that she wants to prove that she can do it right, she wants to make up for the mistakes they made the first time, she can't deny that. But she wants this baby more than anything in the world. Is it wrong that she feels like they deserve it after everything they've been through?

* * *

She starts to stress out a little when a few months pass and she's still not pregnant. Why was it so easy the first time? Her doctor tells her not to worry, she's been on birth control for a long time and it takes a few months for it to completely clear from your system sometimes. Rachel tries to believe that, but it's freaking her out a little so she becomes even more strict with her regimen; checking her basal body temperature every day and keeping a marked calendar of her ovulation days.

She knows Finn is going to be horrified once again when he comes home and finds her in the state she's in currently, but she's powerless to help herself. She can admit she's a mess, probably worse than she even realizes, sitting on the bathroom floor surrounded by a pile of empty pregnancy test boxes and negative tests. Not to mention the pile of dirty tissues she's been using to wipe away her tears and blow her nose.

She hears him when he opens the front door, stepping inside and calling his arrival out to her; tossing his keys down on the counter, calling her name again when he doesn't see her or hear a response.

"Rach, baby where are you?"

"I'm in here," she sniffs, slumping her shoulders in defeat.

"What're you doing in here? Oh no baby what are you doing?" He asks, making her stomach turn in a wave of nausea at the look of pity on his face.

"I don't think I can get pregnant anymore," she whispers, looking down at the mess she's sitting in and biting her lip to keep from crying again.

"Baby, it's only been a few months. There's no time line on this, it'll happen when it's supposed to."

"I haven't had my period yet this month Finn, but I'm not pregnant. I've taken a million tests and they've all come up negative. I even went to the doctor today."

"You had an appointment? Why didn't you tell me?"

"No," she answers, looking down in shame. "I just went in and demanded she work me into her schedule. I may need to find a new ob by the way."

"Rachel," he chuckles a little, sitting down in front of her on the floor, despite being a little grossed out by the pee sticks and snot tissues surrounding them.

"Anyway, she drew blood and well, I'm not knocked up yet. She said my period is probably late because I'm stressing out about this so much."

"Why are you so stressed about this Rach? It's supposed to be fun and exciting."

"I know. I guess I just thought it would be super easy like it was with Barbie and, and it's not. And that's making me sad. And frustrating me."

"I know babe. I'm so sorry. Why don't we just put a pin in it for awhile?"

"What do you mean?"she asks, horrified.

"I mean no more schedules, no crazy calendars, no only every other day, no weird body temperature things. We used to have sex constantly. Anytime and as many times as we could handle. It was fun right?"

"Yeah, it was fun," she grins a little despite her tear stained cheeks.

"Let's just be us baby...and when the time is right, it'll happen. I know it will. Do you believe me?"

"I do," she sighs, letting him lean forward and kiss her softly, lingering just a little.

"Okay my little hot mess, let's get you cleaned up," he grins as she makes a face at him, grabbing the waste basket and helping her pick up all the trash.

"Okay now here's what we're gonna do."

"What?"

"I'm gonna run us a hot bath and turn off all the lights. You can light all your million candles you love that make the firefighter in me super nervous and you're going to relax in the tub with me while I rub your back."

"Okay," she grins.

"And then," he adds, her eyebrow quirking up at him as he adds more to the list, "and then you're going to turn around and ride me until you can't even think straight. Until you can't even remember your name. And then...then I'll probably order a pizza."

"Finn," she laughs at his pizza comment, "no offense but trying again right now is the last thing I want to do."

"Who said anything about trying anything? I just want my beautiful, sexy, _amazing_ girlfriend to make love to me because she loves me and wants to make me feel good after I've had such a hard and tiring day at work and because her super handsome and amazing boyfriend wants to show her how much he loves her back. You know, just like we used to do. What do you think?"

"Hmmm," she smiles, wrapping her arms around his waist and smiling up at him shyly. "That actually sounds really nice. I think I can do that. I love you Finn, you know."

"I love you too Rach. Now get naked and come get in this tub with me and show me just how much you love me."

* * *

When they're laying together in the hot, sudsy water, trying to catch their breaths after Rachel's ridden him into a sweet oblivion that leaves both of them speechless for a few minutes, she feels a strange sense of peace surrounding them.

And when Finn kisses her on her neck and whispers that they're going to have the world, that he'll make sure he gives her the world no matter what, she believes him.

* * *

**Epilogue here we come :)**

**p.s. Go check out my one shot The 30 Year Old Virgin if you haven't yet! Great fun to be had by all :) **


	10. The Luckiest

**Okay so I lied, on accident...there's one more chapter after this :)**

**Just wanted to clarify that it has been roughly a year since Finn's been back if you factor in his recovery time. Just FYI before people freak out on me :)**

**Title and quote from Ben Fold Five's "The Luckiest**".

* * *

_I love you more than I have _

_ever found a way to say to you_

_And I know_

_That I am, I am_

_I am_

_The luckiest _

Rachel sighs deeply as she pulls her baseball cap down over her eyes and hugs her handbag to her chest. She's riding the subway; she never was the subway's biggest fan. Ever since graduation and beginning work on Funny Girl she usually goes out of her way to avoid riding it, but she's scheduled an appointment with a new obstetrician whose office is located on the other side of town. Unfortunately, she was running late getting out of the house this morning so this was her fastest option. She's been getting recognized more lately for her work in Funny Girl, but she's just really not in the mood right now, hence the Yankees cap and Ray Bans she's wearing, not to mention the huge handbag she's shielding herself with.

Under normal circumstances she loves meeting fans, always taking the time for a picture or an autograph, but right now she's just really feeling down and doesn't have it in her to fake it. To say she woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning would be an understatement.

It's been a month since her meltdown in the bathroom, Finn coming home to find her sitting in a pile of negative pregnancy tests and tear soaked tissues. A month since they decided to try to get pregnant by acting like they're not trying to get pregnant. She's trying really hard to not stress out about it, but she's missed her period again and is still having zero symptoms. She's become hyper aware of every little thing her body does, so Finn has put her on a strict pregnancy test ban seeing as everything that sends her running to the drugstore to buy a pregnancy test, sends her immediately running to a new box of tissues to cry about the negative result. She hasn't taken a test in weeks.

She's only going to the doctor today for a routine well woman exam, wanting to acquaint herself with the new doctor and her staff to make sure she'll be happy with them during the course of her pregnancy. The office is nice, earning an A plus so far for cleanliness and staff friendliness. She doesn't have to wait long (another plus!) before being called back to give a urine and blood sample to the nurse. The doctor appears shortly after and she must say, it's rather pleasant as far as pap smears go. As she's waiting to check out, she's feeling over all pretty pleased with her new doctor. Yes, this place will work out just fine whenever she gets pregnant..._whenever_ _that_ will be.

She's just thanking the receptionist, turning to head back to the elevators when she hears someone calling her name.

"Ms. Berry! Ms. Berry wait!"

She turns and finds herself face to face with her doctors nurse, Jenny.

"Yes?"

"Dr. Hampton wants to see you quickly before you leave. Do you have a moment?"

"Well, yes I suppose. Is everything okay?"

"She just wants to speak with you quickly ma'am. Here, please take a seat and she'll be right in."

Jenny leaves her then, sitting alone in a plush, oversized chair in Dr. Hampton's office, looking around and wondering what could possibly be wrong with her. Her heart starts pounding nervously the longer she waits and just when she's about to get up and demand to know where the doctor is, she shows up.

"I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, Ms. Berry," she smiles as she takes a seat at her desk.

"That's quite alright," Rachel lies, "is everything okay?"

"Well, that all depends on you I believe."

"I'm sorry, I'm not following."

"Rachel, when did you say your least period was?"

"It's been a couple months, but... well I suppose I spotted for a couple days last month but I never had an actual cycle."

"Well Ms. Berry, apparently that was an actual cycle."

"What do you mean?...Wait, what does that...are you saying..."

"You're pregnant Ms. Berry."

"I'm what?" She whispers.

"You're pregnant."

"I'm- I'm pregnant?!"

"Yes Rachel, you are with child," Dr. Hampton smiles.

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" Rachel can't stop repeating herself, she's so over the moon that she and Finn are going to have a baby! "Can I see? I need an ultrasound! I want an ultrasound right now!"

"Well Ms. Berry, we typically don't schedule ultrasounds until the patient is about eight weeks along and I'm positive that's not the case right now."

"Dr. Hampton, I would like an ultrasound. I will pay for it out of pocket right now, I don't care, but please. We've been trying really hard for this and I need to see with my own two eyes." She hears her voice trembling as she finishes her sentence and she knows her emotional dam is seconds from breaking.

"Okay," Dr. Hampton sighs. "I don't have any openings, but I'll have Jenny check with my tech. She'll be in momentarily to let you know."

Rachel's buzzing as she sits and waits to hear from Jenny. She wants to race down the streets of New York City screaming that she's carrying Finn Hudson's baby, then she wants to curl up in the fetal position on the floor and cry for days because she wants this baby so, so badly. Her hand is twitching to text Finn, but she has to know for sure before she tells him. This is a very big deal for both of them, she doesn't want to tell him until she's absolutely certain.

"Ms. Berry?"

"Yes?!" Rachel jumps in her seat at the sound of Jenny's voice. She smiles sheepishly at her actions, waiting for Jenny to speak.

"The tech said she can fit you in very quickly. Her next appointment is running late, so if we go right now, she can do it for you."

"Oh thank you, thank you!" She cries, racing to follow behind her.

She eagerly jumps on the exam bed, lifting her shirt and thanking the tech profusely. Jenny said she's in a hurry, so Rachel makes sure to waste no time. She flinches a little as a huge glob of cold gel is squirted on her belly, but it only takes the tech saying, "Oh look, here we go!" for her to forget all about her discomfort.

"Here we go?" She asks hopefully.

"Yes. You're still very early along, only about three weeks and four days according to the ultrasound, but you see this?" She's smiling back at Rachel, pointing to an oddly shaped black circle on the screen.

"Yes," she breathes, eyes filling with tears.

"That's the sack. Right now your baby is just a teeny tiny little dot inside there. You'll need to go back to the front desk and schedule another appointment in about five weeks. We should be able to see much more then. Do you want me to print this up for you?"

"Yes! Yes I would love that. Thank you so much!"

She's absolutely giddy as the tech hands her some paper towels to wipe off her stomach, followed by her baby's very first picture.

She can't get home to Finn soon enough.

* * *

"HONEY I'M HOOOOOOME!" She sings as she flings the front door open and immediately starts looking for Finn. She's ecstatic he's off from work today, keeping this secret until he got home would have absolutely killed her. This certainly isn't the kind of thing you want to tell over the phone or via text message; oh no she wants to see his face!

She bites her lip when she sees him sitting on the couch, guitar in his lap and scribbling something in his journal. He's obviously writing a song, wearing his little black rimmed glasses that she always finds him so irresistible in. She sets down the gift bag she put together for him on the way home and struts right up to him, yanking the guitar out of his lap, much to his dismay.

"Rach! Wait I'm-"

His words die on his tongue as she takes the guitar's place, dropping down and straddling his lap, grabbing his head and mashing his lips against hers. He moans against her, quickly moving his hands down to her ass and squeezing as she laps and sucks on his face like his kiss is giving her life.

She finally pulls back, smirking at him with a wicked glint in her eyes as she takes in his dazed expression.

"Wow babe. What'd I do to deserve a greeting like that?"

"You," she breathes, placing her hands on his arms and rubbing them up and down. "Mmmm Finn you're such a...a _big, strong man_!" She growls, rubbing his chest up and down and pushing her core down against his crotch. She knows she's being a little crazy, but seeing Finn and knowing her little secret is making her feel all kinds of crazy things. He did his manly duty, he _planted his seed_ in her, so to speak. She had everything planned, how she was going to come home and tell him...but then she saw him. He just looked so sexy in his glasses, creating music and she'd just been overcome by this carnal need to celebrate his...his..._manhood_! It's like she's been possessed!

"I have no idea what the hell is happening right now, but I think I love it," he breathes, staring at her with wide eyes.

"I need you Finn. I need you right now!"

She starts ripping her clothes off, not giving him time to have a say in the matter...it's not like he would ever say no anyway.

He's stunned, but quickly stands and follows her lead, shedding all of his clothes and leaving them in a forgotten pile next to Rachel's.

She jumps on him the second he drops his last piece of clothing, attacking his face and making him fall backwards onto the couch.

"Babe, slow down," he begs, reaching up to remove the glasses she just knocked crooked on his face.

"No!" She cries, swatting at his hand. "Leave those on!"

"Really?" He asks, confused. She just nods, leaning down to continue her assault on his mouth and she feels him grinning in response. "Who knew?" She hears him mutter as she begins kissing his neck.

"How do you wanna fuck me Finn?"

"Wha-what?"

"You're my big strong man Finn. Tell me how you want to fuck me, I want to please you."

"You always please me."

"Even still," she breathes, nibbling on his ear, "dealers choice."

He doesn't respond, but she keeps nibbling his earlobe until she feels his hands tight on her waist, lifting her in the air. She grins when she realizes he's placing her on her feet behind the couch. She reaches over and places her hands against the large piece of furniture in front of her, arching her back and sticking her ass out at him, wiggling it a little.

"Come fuck me Finn," she says, taunting him with her body and it's literally only seconds before he's behind her and pounding in to her. There was no foreplay, no build up of any sort really, but she was ready for him. She's been ready since the moment she walked in the room and caught sight of him.

She let's him set the pace, ramming into her over and over and she's certain he's leaving bruises on her from the tight grip he has on her hips, but she can't bring herself to care. She's panting for air as every stroke of his dick inside of her pushes her closer and closer and she screams suddenly as he grabs a chunk of her loose hair and pulls hard, bringing her face closer to his as he spits through clenched teeth, "Is this what you wanted?"

All she can manage to respond is a strangled yes and she's so close that all it takes is one more pound of Finn's hips against hers to send her soaring off the edge. She's gasping for air, knuckles turning white where she's gripping the couch, but he's not stopping. She's just come down from the unbelievable high that Finn never fails to get her to when she hears his tell-tale moan and he slams hard into her one more time, sending her flying back off the edge she didn't even realize she was still standing on.

"Oh my God," she cries, slumping back against him when she can finally speak again after having two mind blowing orgasms back to back.

"Holy fuck," he exhales, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in her neck. "What's gotten into you?"

"You," she smirks, turning in his arms to face him.

"Besides me," he laughs.

"I'll show you, come sit." She takes his hands and leads him back to the front of the couch, gesturing for him to sit. Her eyes catch sight of his notebook again as she's trying to remember where she set his bag, and she can't help but ask what he's working on.

"New song?"

"Don't look at that!" He cries, lunging forward and taking it from her. "Sorry it's just, it's not ready yet."

"Okay," she says, giving him a rude look but smiling again once she spots his gift bag.

"I got you something!"

She plops down in his lap, handing him the gift bag and squealing a little in excitement.

He grins at her, pulling out the tissue paper and reaching in to grab a white t-shirt. He looks at her a little puzzled but she motions for him to go on. She watches as he unfolds the shirt all the way, holding it out in front of him and reading out loud, "_World's Greatest Dad_."

She's biting her lip, anxiously awaiting his reaction, but her face drops when he doesn't...well he doesn't react at all.

"Uhm this is great Rach, but...uhm I don't think Tom would really agree," he laughs a little, a self-deprecating laugh and she can't help but smile at him.

"Finn, honey," she says gently, "there's one more thing in the bag."

She can tell her gift went right over his head, but there's no way he will be confused over the next one. He reaches to the bottom of the bag and pulls out a small yellow picture frame, turning it to face him. She watches he's facial expression change as he finally comprehends what is happening. His eyes mist over immediately, turning the frame to show her. He points at the little circle clearly displayed on the framed picture from her ultrasound this morning.

"This? This is a baby? Rach, is this...is this our baby?"

She smiles at him, nodding her head as she whispers, "We're having a baby Finn."

His face breaks into the most glorious smile she's ever seen, almost sending her to the floor as she swoons at the sight of him.

"WE'RE HAVING A BABY!" He shouts, jumping up and taking her with him, wrapping himself completely around her as they joyfully laugh with each other.

"I can't believe you're having my baby," he whispers. "Show me the picture again."

"Well I'm barely even four weeks along," she explains, grabbing the picture and pointing to the circle Finn had previously asked about. "This is actually the sack, the baby is teeny tiny right now. You see that?"

He squints his eyes and looks where she's pointing. "That dot?"

"Yeah, that dot is our baby."

"Wow," he breathes, staring at the picture in awe.

He suddenly smiles at her, dropping down to his knees and placing gentle kisses all over her stomach.

"Our baby's in there," he breathes, looking up at her, "and- and we're together. We're together, no one's going anywhere and we have jobs and a home and we get...we get to keep our baby Rachel."

"We get to be a family Finn," she whispers through the tears she didn't realize she was crying again.

"I love you so much," he breathes, standing back up and pulling her to him, kissing her like he may not ever get the chance again.

"Finn," she whimpers, as he pulls back a little.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Rachel."

"I love you Finn," she leans up to kiss him again, pulling away to ask, "Do you want to call everyone? The tech advised for us to wait until I'm further along, but I'm kind of excited."

"Yeah we'll call. _Later_," he smirks.

"Later?"

"Later," he whispers, leaning down to speak right against her lips, nipping at them and making her hyper aware of the fact they're both still naked.

"You're right," she almost moans as he begins lightly kissing down her jaw line, "later."

* * *

They decide together to wait a little while longer until they tell their families and friends that they're expecting, just to be on the safe side. Rachel lasts about a week until she insists she's going to spontaneously combust if she doesn't tell Noah, so she stops by the apartment one afternoon when she knows he's home and Santana, thankfully, isn't. She's nice enough she supposes, but she just really wants Noah to herself while telling him such exciting and life changing news.

"So this is really happening huh?" Noah grins at her over his beer.

"Yes it is, you're going to be an uncle Noah! You're going to be my baby's Uncle Noah! Are you excited?"

"I'll be Uncle _Puck_ and you know what? I think I am."

"I know you better than anyone Noah Puckerman, you try to act like you're this big tough guy, but you're really a big softie. This baby's going to have you wrapped around their little finger."

"You're right Princess," he grins, "but that doesn't make me any less bad ass."

"I know, I know," she laughs, looking down and clearing her throat. "I uhm, I wanted to..."

"Oh shit Princess you aren't about to get mushy on me are you? I already had to go through this with Finn this morning."

"Wait, what?"

"Uhm nothing. You were saying?"

"Okay, well...Noah," she reaches over and grabs his hand, "I need to know that you understand what you mean to me."

"I know you love me."

"I do. You're the best friend I've ever had. You were there for me when I had no one. I was lost and alone and you? You brought me back to life. I would have never survived my broken heart without you. I'm so, so incredibly thankful my child will have you in their life."

"Okay," he says quickly before turning the other way.

"Okay?" She flinches, a little hurt until she hears a sniff.

"Noah?" She asks, standing to walk around him so she can see his face again. "Noah you're crying!"

"Shut up Rachel," he mumbles, reaching out and pulling her towards him. "I love you too. You'll always be my number one, no matter what Santana says." She can't help but laugh at that, tightening her hold on him and breathing in his familiar scent that always comforts her. "Finn's a lucky bastard and I'll kick his ass all the way back to Af-fuckin-ghanistan if he ever forgets it."

"I know you will," she laughs, pulling back and wiping the tears from his face.

"Don't tell-"

"I know," she interrupts. "I won't tell anyone you cried."

He just smiles at her, Rachel reaching up to kiss him on the scar that now graces his cheek before patting him on the chest and heading for the door.

"I have to go. Finn's taking me out to celebrate our big news and I want to have plenty of time to get ready."

"I know."

"You know?"

"Yeah, yeah uhm, I mean Finn told me earlier when we talked," he answers, looking around awkwardly.

"Aw yes, we can't begin the day properly without our daily bromantical phone date can we?" she grins, teasing Noah about his and Finn's daily communication and laughing at the way he rolls his eyes at her, "I'll see you later?"

"Yeah Rachel. Have fun tonight."

"I will," she smiles, closing the door behind her.

* * *

"I can't believe you got us a chauffeured town car for tonight," Rachel gushes, holding Finn's hand and sinking back in the plush, leather seat of the car he rented. "You're too much."

"It's just a town car babe, it's like one step up from a cab."

"Finn, there's a tinted partition between us and the driver. It's super clean and it smells like cinnamon. It's more like a baby limo."

"Well regardless, we're celebrating tonight. We already had to wait a week until we both had a night off together again. You deserve this."

"We deserve this."

He smiles and bends down to kiss her, placing his hand on her stomach, a sweet gesture that's already become a habit for him.

"So are you going to tell me where we're going yet?"

"Nope. Still a surprise," he chuckles as she pouts at him, " but we're almost there, promise."

Just as Finn promises, they arrive at their destination less than five minutes later. She's slightly confused when she steps out of the car and is standing in the middle of what appears to be a park. Finn hasn't told her anything as to what to expect tonight, only to wear a pretty dress. She assumed they were going out for dinner or a show, but here?

"Are we at a park?" She asks.

"Yeah we're having dinner."

"In a park?"

"Yes Rach look over there. Walk with me?" He holds his hand out for her to take after pointing across the way to a wooden terrace covered in twinkling lights. She's not sure what going on, but she's excited and she trusts Finn's taste, so she takes his hand and follows his lead.

She's a little speechless once they approach the terrace. The vines growing up the terrace are all covered in twinkling lights, surrounding a small round table set up for a private dinner for two.

"Finn..." she breathes in awe.

"Would you care to join me for dinner beautiful?" He asks, pulling out a chair and motioning for her to sit.

"Of course. Thank you," she blushes, taking a seat.

Almost immediately a waiter comes by, pouring them both a glass of water and introducing himself as Eric. When he excuses himself to get their food, she looks to Finn.

"You can have a celebratory drink if you want Finn. Just because I can't have one doesn't mean you can't."

"I'm good. You jump, I jump right?"

"What?" She laughs.

"Jack and Rose. Come on! Titantic?" She's laughing at the way his cheeks are pinking in embarrassment until he gives up and laughs with her. "I just mean I'm with you every step of the way. I missed...well I missed everything there possibly was to miss last pregnancy, but not this time. I'm experiencing as much of this with you as I can. You can't drink, so I don't want to either."

"Thank you Finn," she smiles, reaching across the table and squeezing his hand. "That's incredibly sweet."

Finn smiles when Eric comes back to the table, setting plates of fresh, homemade spaghetti and bread down in front of both of them, returning with two small salad bowls for each.

"Oh my goooosh," she moans as she takes a bite of pasta, "this is the best spaghetti I've ever had! Who made this."

"C'mon, I can't reveal all my secrets tonight babe."

"So there's more? More secrets?"

"I can't tell you. Isn't that the definition of a secret silly girl?" He grins, eyes twinkling.

"Okay, okay I see how it is," she grins back, easily distracted again by the mouth-watering food in front of her. Yeah, she's definitely pregnant.

They talk easily throughout their meal, wondering about the baby, if it will be a boy or girl and who it will look it, what kind of parents they'll be. Before she knows it, Eric is back to clear their plates in exchange for a plate with the biggest piece of chocolate cake Rachel's ever seen.

"Share with me?" Finn smiles, handing a fork to her.

"Geez Finn, I'm already gonna be a whale carrying your baby, you trying to fatten me up before your baby does the trick?"

He throws his head back at her words, his hearty laugh warming her heart and making her giggle with him. They eat as much as they can of the cake until they literally cannot take another bite.

"I'm sorry babe, I really gotta use the restroom," Finn says, turning to Eric who's collecting the cake plate and their dirty silverware, "Hey Eric, is there a restroom nearby?"

"There's one inside, I'll show you."

Rachel smiles as she watches them walk off, leaning back and placing her hands on her tummy.

"Your daddy is somethin' else baby. Can't wait for you to meet him," she whispers, looking down to her belly.

"Excuse me ma'am," Rachel jumps a little as Eric approaches her holding a tray. "Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I just have something for you."

"Oh thank you Eric, but I could not possibly eat another bite."

"You're in luck then," he smiles, handing her a small package wrapped in plain brown craft paper. "No food here. Mr. Hudson will return shortly."

He leaves her with a smile, sitting alone and awfully confused. Figuring she may as well open the package while waiting for Finn seeing as her curiosity is simply going to kill her otherwise. She carefully lifts the tapped down flaps, removing the paper and realizing she's holding a book. It's a leather bound book, deep red in color. Finn's not much of a reader, so she's intrigued as to what book he would give her. She turns it over in her hands and gasps when she sees the title, stamped into the leather in shiny silver letters "_21 Reasons Why I Want to Marry You_".

Her vision quickly blurs with tears, her heart pounding in her chest as she opens the book, flipping through and seeing there's a printed reason on each page. She flips back to the beginning, reading from reason number one.

_1. You can make angels_

_2. YOU are an angel_

_3. Your smile_

_4. Your laugh_

_5. The way your hand fits in mine_

_6. The way you dream so big_

7. The way you believe in me

_8. Your beautiful heart_

_9. Your amazing voice_

_10. The way you make everyone around you want to be a better person_

_11. Your strength_

_12. The way you look at_ me

_13. The way you kiss me_

_14. That ass though ;)_

_15. Legs for days_

_16. The way we fit together like two puzzle pieces_

_17. The way you love me_

_18. How you "get" me better than anyone else_

_19. The way you still give me butterflies like I got the very first time I saw you_

_20. You're the most beautiful girl in the world_

_21. You're the June to my Johnny. The Cher to my Sonny. The Bonnie to my Clyde. The Juliet to my Romeo. The Rachel to my Finn._

She's openly bawling by the time she finishes reading reason twenty-one, practically shaking in her chair. She wonders if anyone is watching her, but the thought escapes her as she flips the page, biting her lip when she sees there's more and laughing when she reads the words on the page.

_Bonus Reason: Your boobs (seriously? Did you think I forgot them? :) )_

She flips to the last page, holding a hand over her heart as the words sink in.

_Super Bonus Reason: I could fill a million of these books and still have reasons why I want to marry you._

_P.S. I LOVE YOU!_

She hears a guitar strumming from somewhere behind her just as she's closing the book, turning to see Finn walking towards her in all his glory, holding his guitar and wearing that beautiful Finn Hudson smile.

"You read my book I take it?" He grins, lazily strumming on the guitar and walking towards her.

She smiles through her tears, shaking her head yes because she fears she does not possess the power of speech at the moment.

"Good, but I have more to say. Are you ready to hear what I've been working on?"

She nods again and he smiles at her so lovingly it makes her heart clinch. She knows he understands why she's not speaking.

He pulls his chair away from the table so it's closer to her and takes a seat, looking up at her as he begins playing the first few bars of music. His gaze is intense, intense but adoring as he opens his mouth to begin singing the words he wrote just for her.

_I've got an angel_

_She doesn't wear any wings_

_She wears a heart that can melt my own_

_She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing_

_She gives me presents_

_With her presence alone_

_She gives me everything I could wish for_

_She gives me kisses on the lips just_ _for coming home_

_She can make angels_

_I've seen it with my own eyes_

_You gotta be careful when you've got good love_

_Cause then angels will just keep_ _on multiplying_

She's crying, clasping her hands over her mouth as he gets up, kicking the chair back kneeling before her on one knee, still playing and singing her song.

_But you're so busy changing the world_

_Just one smile and you can change all of mine_

_We share the same soul_

_Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh_

_We Share the same soul_

_Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh_

_We Share the same soul_

_Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh_

_Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh_

_Mmm mm mm mhhhhhmm_

"Rachel," he breathes, sitting the guitar down beside him and taking her hands in his. "I've loved you since the first moment I saw you walking down the hall at that awful, Godforsaken school and I've loved you every day since. I know some people will think we're crazy, say this is way too soon, but I'd have to respectfully disagree with them baby. For me this is way overdue. I should have made you my bride years ago. I'm going to be with you forever, it's a truth as simple to me as the fact that the sky is blue. And now...and now you're carrying my baby and I just...I can't think of a reason we should wait. So..." He grins up at her as he reaches into his pants pockets, revealing a small leather box, "I promise it's not a ring pop." They both laugh despite the tears that have been streaming down Rachel's face and the ones currently joining hers courtesy of Finn's own tear ducts. He pops open the top, revealing a breathtaking, yet simple diamond ring that Rachel instantly recognizes as his mother's from her marriage to his father. If possible, this only makes her cry harder. "Rachel Barbra Berry, you are the world to me. You're my everything. Please make me the happiest man alive and say you'll be my wife. Will you marry me?"

"Finn," she manages to choke out through her tears, "do you even have to ask?"

"Can I take that as a yes?" He smirks.

"Yes!"

* * *

It's later that night, as they lay together, fully intoxicated on one another from hours of celebratory lovemaking that she blurts out, "Let's do it soon."

"We've been doing it all night sex machine, lemme catch my breath for a second."

"No," she giggles, burying her head into his naked chest, "I mean get married."

"Oh! Yeah? How soon?"

"I don't know, but I want to do it before I become a whale. And I don't want to have to wait until after the baby is born and I've lost all the extra weight. That's too long, don't you think?"

"Absolutely. You just say the word, I'm on board one hundred percent."

"I can't believe were really doing this!"

"Believe it baby," he grins, leaning over to kiss his soon to be bride, catching her off guard when he stills against her, "just as long as I get to choose the wedding cake."

"What?" She laughs.

"Can't have you picking out a red cake on me or something crazy like that."

"Oh my God Finn," she pushes him lightly, laughing at the way he's making gagging sounds at her. "I would marry you cake or no cake."

"Just teasing babe, me too."

She sighs in contentment before a scary thought crosses her mind, "My dads are going to kill me, aren't they?"

"Hmm I don't know about that. They gave me permission to propose to you after all."

"They did? You asked my dads?" She shoots up in bed at his words, hardly believing her dads would give in so easy after tormenting her none stop about Finn.

"Of course I did! I had to spend almost a whole night with them and they aren't cheap dates by the way, but I finally convinced them. Puck was much easier."

"Finn, you asked Noah too? Is that when you cried?"

He looks at her offended, but the way his ears immediately turn red give him away, "What? I didn't cry."

"It's okay babe, your secret is safe with me, right along with Noah's," she giggles, curling back into his side. "I can't believe you asked all of them. Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me."

"Well I plan on having you by my side for the rest of forever so I figured I needed to make sure all your people were okay with that."

"I'm so glad they all came around."

He grins down at her, placing a gentle kiss on her head and squeezing her closer to him, "Me too."

* * *

**I'm doing it again...told you I was obsessed with Finchel marriage! I got totally emo writing the next part, should have it out soon! (Speaking of marriage, I promise Not a Day Less is coming soon too lol).**

**Finn's song is "Angel" by Jack Johnson. I get all teary eyed and weird imagining Finn singing that. :(**


	11. Epilogue: At Last

**And so we've come to the end! Thank you guys for sticking with me through my inappropriate meltdowns and the world's longest authors notes (I'm working on all that, promise!)**

**You'll recognize some things here I've borrowed and I will give credit where credit is due at the end as not to spoil anything.**

**Quote & Title from "At Last" by Etta James.**

* * *

_You smiled_

_Oh and then the spell was cast_

_And here we are in Heaven_

_for you are mine_

_At Last_

She sneaks a peek from behind the curtain no one knows she's hiding behind. She watches all of her and Finn's friends and family milling around, talking to each other and asking if anyone knows what's going on. She giggles to herself at the thought of what they're here to witness; she, Finn and Noah being the only ones who know what's about to happen.

They'd sent out invitations to everyone, inviting them to a very special party and telling them to dress nice. Almost everyone is here, her fathers, Shelby, Carole and Burt, Kurt and Blaine, Santana and Brittany, some of her friends from school and Funny Girl, Sam and Mike from the fire house. None of them know they're about to witness a wedding. She's absolutely beside herself in excitement. She sees Noah in the corner, strapping his guitar around his chest and checking his appearance in a random mirror. It's almost time.

They're at the same place Finn proposed to her at. The same twinkling lights surrounding them and it feels just as magical as it did that first night...maybe even more. The only difference being the chairs scattered about and the rose petals strewn across the floor. She hears Noah plucking on his guitar and she knows this it.

It's show time.

He plays the opening bars from behind everyone, hidden out of sight and she once again giggles to herself as she sees everyone looking around slightly confused. He begins making his way slowly towards the crowd, having their full attention as he opens his mouth to begin singing.

_At last_

_My love has come along_

_My lonely days are over_

_And life is like a song_

_Oh yeah yeah_

_At last_

He has the crowd in the palm of his hand as he makes his way through the makeshift aisle, walking until he's standing front and center in front of everyone. Grinning as he sees realization begin to dawn on people's faces.

_The skies above are blue_

_My heart was wrapped up in clover_

_The night I looked at you_

Carole clasps her hands over her mouth, unable to fight the tears streaming down her face when Finn slowly comes into view, taking his place to the left of Noah, dressed head to toe in his Army dress uniform. He pats Noah on the back lightly, unable to stop the beaming smile gracing his features.

_I found a dream, that I could speak to_

_A dream that I can call my own_

_I found a thrill to press my cheek to_

_A thrill that I have never known_

She turns to look at herself in the mirror one last time before she steps out of the room and into the moment she's been dreaming of since she was sixteen years old. Her dress is simple, elegant; a gorgeous cream tea length number with matching pumps. Her hair is swept back with a delicate veil and she carries a small bouquet of red roses. She takes one last breath and smiles, turning to begin the walk down the aisle to her fiancé.

_Oh yeah yeah_

_You smiled, you smiled_

_Oh and then the spell was cast_

There's no change in song, no break to alert the guests that the bride is coming, but it's not necessary. As if the proud grin gracing Noah's face as he looks forward isn't enough, the electric beam radiating from Finn's features surely alerts the guests to Rachel's presence; the stray tears falling down the soldiers face enough to have everyone on their feet and turned toward Rachel.

She's glowing, from the inside out, Finn's love shining down on her from his adoring eyes as he watches her walk towards him. Finn's love shining from within her as his child grows quietly in the safety of her womb, still a secret to everyone but Noah.

She's overwhelmed with happiness.

_And here we are in Heaven_

_for you are mine..._

_At Last_

Everyone applauds when Noah finishes, bowing his head in gratitude and spinning the guitar around to hang down his back. Kurt sneaks up to Rachel, taking her bouquet from her so she can place her hands in Finn's. She smiles at him in gratitude before turning back to Finn, grinning wildly at each other as tears escape down their cheeks and Noah begins to talk.

"Hey everyone! I'm sure you've all figured out by now that you're here for a wedding. A wedding between my two best friends, Rachel and Finn. As most of you who know their story know, I hated Finn for a long time, I know most of you did too...including Rachel."

Everyone laughs a little, Finn dropping his head, but looking back at Rachel with a smile when she squeezes his hand and mouths, "I love you."

"But he took me by surprise and I stand before you today confident in saying he is a man who deserves the love of my beautiful and perfect best friend. She's one of a kind bro, don't mess this up again, alright?"

Finn grins, looking up at Noah, "I won't man."

"I'm glad to say I was more than willing to help them out when they came and asked me to officiate their wedding. That's right," he smirks as the crowd is a mix of gasps and laughter, "I'm an ordained internet minister." He looks at Finn and Rachel, smiling wide before looking back to the crowd. "I'm sure there's like a million things wrong with that, including the fact that I'm a Jew, but the internet's a crazy place, am I right? Anyway, this is a Noah Puckerman wedding, so I won't bore y'all with all the wedding nonsense. I'll let these kids get right to their vows. Rachel?"

"Thank you Noah," she grins, turning towards Finn, "Finn, I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not, to agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home."

Finn can't help but chuckle through his tears, mumbling to her, "I hate that damn cake."

"I know baby," she whispers back to him, grinning.

"Finn," Noah motions for his turn.

"Rachel, I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find our way back to each other."

"Damn, I'm tearing up a little! This shit is embarrassing," Noah mumbles, wiping at his eyes and causing everyone to laugh. "But anyways, the rings!"

Finn grins as Noah hands him Rachel's ring, placing it on her finger as Noah asks, "Finn, do you take Rachel to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold in sickness and in health until death parts you?"

"I do."

Rachel's beaming at the man in front of her, the man that's moments away from being her husband. Her _husband_!

"Rachel...Rachel!"

"Oh! Yes!" She giggles embarrassed, taking Finn's ring and placing it on his finger.

"Rachel, do you take Finn to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health until death parts you?"

"I do!"

"Well look what we have here you guys! By the power vested in me by...uhm the internet? I now pronounce you husband and wife! Kiss your bride my man!" Noah cries, grabbing onto Finn's shoulders and shaking him gleefully.

"Don't have to tell me twice," Finn grins, reaching out for Rachel, planting a massive kiss on her lips before pulling back just enough to say "I love you" and immediately reattaching his lips to hers.

"Let's give it up for Mr. and Mrs. Finn Hudson!" Noah cries when it becomes evident to him that they may never stop kissing. Rachel pulls back, blushing a little when she realizes she just kissed Finn like that in front of their parents, but when she sees the way he's smiling at her, she simply cannot bring herself to care. He takes her hand in his, grinning like children as they make their way back down the aisle, following the path to forever.

* * *

They hide in the room she got ready in as workers set up the terrace for the small reception. The area's not that big, so they place long, rectangle tables along the edges of the terrace to allow room for a small dance floor. They're huddled together, laughing and kissing when Eric, the apparent jack of all trades, finds them and tells them it's time to join everyone.

They give Eric enough time to get back to his makeshift DJ booth, waiting until he announces them before walking back outside, hand in hand. She can't help the laugh that bubbles up out of her throat as Finn takes one hand in his and places the other on her waist, preparing for their first dance. She's allowed him to choose the song, him surprising her with an Adam Sandler song from one of her favorite guilty pleasure movies, The Wedding Singer. The guests all laugh along with her when they hear Adam Sandler's voice come through the speakers, but her laugh dies quickly when Finn pulls her flush against him, swaying with her as he leans his head down and sings every word into her ear.

_I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad_

_Carry you around when your arthritis is bad_

_All I wanna do is grow old with you_

_I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches_

_Build you a fire if the furnace breaks_

_Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you_

_I'll miss you_

_Kiss you_

_Give you my coat when you are cold_

_Need you_

_Feed you_

_Even let ya hold the remote control_

_So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink_

_Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink_

_Oh I could be the man who grows old with you_

_I wanna grow old with you_

Everyone is cheering wildly for them as Rachel pulls away from Finn and looks into his eyes.

"I love you Mrs. Hudson," he whispers, eyes twinkling as one side of his mouth twitches up into his signature half smile.

"I love you too Mr. Hudson," she breathes, biting her lip at the way he's looking back at her. She wants to kiss him again, spend the rest of the night just kissing her husband, but she hears Eric calling her father's out to the floor for the father daughter dance and she suddenly feels sick at having to talk to them for the first time since surprising them with a wedding.

Finn leans down and kisses her, whispering in her ear that she'll be fine, before walking to the edge of the dance floor to hug his eager mom and watch Rachel dance with her fathers.

"Hi Dads," she says softly, smiling shyly as she takes one of their hands in each of her own. Their relationship has been a bit rocky these last few years, ever since her pregnancy with Barbie when they kicked her out of their house. She never moved back in with them, despite their best efforts to reach out to her, her choosing instead to go straight from Shelby's to New York; they've slowly been mending their relationship over the years she's been in the city. She's secretly hoping the arrival of her new baby will bring them back closer together again.

"Rachel," they both say in unison, Leroy nodding his head at Hiram, signaling for him to speak, "we hope you know what you're doing."

"I do," she answers immediately, "and I'm happy. I'm so happy for the first time in a...a _really_ long time."

They watch her for a moment as they stand there holding hands, "My Girl" playing in the air around them.

"Okay," Hiram finally says. "If you're happy then we're happy Rachel. You're an adult now, we have to trust you to make your own decisions. And we can't deny you look happy. You're practically glowing."

"So we're happy," Leroy agrees, "we just wish we would have known so we could have walked our little girl down the aisle."

"I know, I'm sorry," she smiles as they pull each other in for a group hug. "Finn and I have talked about it though. In five or ten years, however long it takes, when Barbie and the baby are old enough, we'll have a big vow renewal ceremony with everyone and I would love for you two to walk me down the aisle then."

She's smiling wide and genuine at them, she doesn't understand why they're looking at her the way they are. She thought that would make them happy.

"_The baby_?" Hiram whispers, looking at her with large, questioning eyes.

"Oh. Uhm, did I say baby?" She asks sheepishly, biting her lip as she sees her Dad turning to look for who she can only assume is Finn.

"Daddy wait," Rachel pleads, reaching out to grab his hand before he walks away. "We wanted to wait until I was further along until we told anyone, but yes, I...uhm, well I'm pregnant."

"Was this another accident?"

"What?" She gasps, "Absolutely not! This baby was very planned."

"Rachela, you planned to have a baby prior to being married?"

"No! Well...yes, I suppose we did...but, ugh you make it sound like it's a bad thing when you say it like that! Babies are a blessing! And it doesn't matter anyways, we're married now and I'm not even showing. I'm only six weeks, I haven't even experienced morning sickness yet."

They're silent as they watch her skeptically and she can only imagine how awkward they look to everyone just standing there holding hands instead of dancing.

"Dads I promise, this was very well thought out. I love Finn and he loves me. He's my _husband_. We're one hundred percent in this together and we want this so, so much. More than anything else. And I...I really, really hope you two will want to be a part of this."

"Oh Rachel," Leroy cries, "Of course we'll be a part of our grandbaby's life!" He throws his arm around her then, squeezing her to him and turning to look at his husband.

"You just said yourself she's happy. That she's glowing. You know you don't want to miss out on your grandchild's life."

"Oh of course I don't," he sighs, smiling at them both as he pulls them in for a family hug. "I may not be the biggest fan of, well _anything_ regarding yours and Finn's situation or history, but I will support you. And I will _spoil_ my grandbaby!"

"Thank you," Rachel whispers through her tears, loving the feeling of being safe in her fathers embrace, a feeling she hasn't felt in so long.

* * *

"I accidentally told my dads," she whispers, looking up to Finn as they sway back and forth together on the dance floor.

"You did?" He gasps, eyes practically bulging out of his head at her.

"I'm sorry! I know we agreed to wait but it just slipped out and I didn't even realize-"

"Oh thank God! I'm so relieved," he laughs.

"What? You are?"

"Yeah I uhm, I kinda let it slip to my mom earlier."

"Finn!" She giggles, "Is that why she's been looking at me like she wants to cry?"

"Probably," he chuckles, "I asked her not to say anything until I talked to you."

"Oh Finn, she's probably about to bust. I'm going to go find her right now." She leans up and kisses him once before turning to find Carole, giggling happily when she feels him pull her back for one more kiss.

"Don't stay gone too long beautiful."

"Mmm I won't handsome," she grins, taking a moment to appreciate her husband's beautiful face before turning again to find Carole.

There's not many people there so it doesn't take her long and she can see Carole's eyes mist over the second they make contact with hers.

"Rachel," she cries, throwing her arms around her and pulling her close. "You look breathtaking dear. You're just glowing."

"Thank you Carole," she says shyly as she pulls away. "Can we go sit somewhere and talk?"

"Of course."

She take Carole's hand and leads her to two chairs sitting in the corner furthest from where everyone is gathered. Once they're seated Rachel takes a deep breath and turns to Carole, "I heard Finn blabbed."

"Oh yes he did, please don't be mad at him! He's just so excited, I've never seen him so excited about anything before!"

"I'm not mad," she smiles, "I actually accidentally let it slip to my dads during the father daughter dance."

"You two are perfect for each other," Carole laughs sweetly. "I'm so happy for you Rachel, I know...well I know things weren't so easy for you when Finn was away."

"They weren't that easy for you either," Rachel agrees softly.

"You're right, they weren't, but I also wasn't carrying his child."

Rachel sniffs a little, her heart aching in her chest that her daughter couldn't be in attendance at her wedding to her father.

"Do you hate me?" She whispers.

"What?!" Carole gasps, "Of course not! Why in the world would I hate you?"

"Because I...I never told you Carole. I could have told you and I...I gave your granddaughter up for adoption."

"I do wish you would have reached out to me, I had no idea it was going on, but that doesn't make me angry Rachel, sad maybe, that you felt alone when I would have been happy to help you, but never angry. Never mad. I respect your decision to do what you felt was best for your child. You're a strong woman Rachel._ A good mom_. You're going to be amazing with this baby...and with my son."

"You really think so?" She whispers again through the tears streaming down her face at Carole's words.

"I do. And I have no worries about you and Finn. He adores you and it's pretty obvious you feel the same."

"I do."

They share a sweet smile, Carole reaching over and squeezing Rachel's hand before she clears her throat to speak again.

"Finn only just told me about Barbie when he talked to me about proposing to you. He's so ashamed of himself, so full of regret...he too was worried about what I would say and think. He asked me not to talk to you about it right now because you have enough on your plate, but I'm always here if you need me. You know that right?"

"Yes. Thank you so much, that means so much to me, really," Rachel smiles, reaching over to pull Carole in for a hug. "Her parents and I agreed that when she's old enough and she asks, we can all meet the proper way. I know...I know she'll never love us like real parents, but I like to hope she'll love us in some capacity, like, I don't know, her aunt and uncle? She'll never have siblings, not from her parents, and I just really hope she'll get to have a relationship with this baby, even if she just considers him or her a cousin. I'm planning to send Tom and Angie a picture when I get a better sonogram image."

"I think that would be lovely Rachel."

"Maybe...maybe one day soon you can come over for coffee and we can look through my scrapbooks and videos of Barbie. You'll love her I know it, she looks just like Finn."

"I would absolutely love that," Carole agrees, both women crying at this point.

They sit there together for a few more minutes, talking about Rachel's ring and the leave of absence she plans to take from Broadway once she's too pregnant to disguise her baby bump until Noah approaches them and interrupts.

"I hate to interrupts ma'ams, but I was hoping to have one more dance with the bride before she ditches me for Finn for the rest of her life."

"Noah," Rachel laughs, looking to Carole who smiles in return.

"Go dance, have fun."

"Thank you Carole, for everything," Rachel smiles before Noah drags her onto the dance floor.

"Remember when I used to take you out dancing like this?" He grins as he pulls her against him and moves to the music.

"You never took me dancing," she laughs, swatting him on the shoulder.

"Oh right. I always meant to. I think I missed out."

They smile fondly at each other as they dance, Rachel feeling Finn's eyes on her from across the terrace.

"We had some good times didn't we?"'

"The best," she grins, "but they're not over yet. We just have someone new in our little gang. I don't know about you, but I think the best is yet to come.

"I think you just might be right," he agrees.

"What?" She asks, "why are you looking at me like that?"

"Just thinking about how we'll never have sex again."

"Noah!" She roars in laughter, throwing her head back as her laugh rings through the air around them.

"I'm just saying, it would have been nice to know the last time was the last time, that's all."

"Noah," she says softly.

"You know I'm just teasing you right?" He smiles.

"Sure you are," she says softly, grinning as she hugs him against her.

"Lucky for me though, I'm not hurtin' for any right now," he smirks and she follows his line of vision to Santana, laughing with Brittany as they sip on their drinks.

"You're gross," she laughs, scrunching her nose at him.

"Yeah but you love me."

"Guilty," she giggles, squealing as she feels large, familiar hands wrap around her waist from behind.

"Mind if I cut in?"

Noah looks up and grins as he sees Finn pulling Rachel back towards him.

"Of course man, I got some business over here calling my name," he nods his head in the direction of Santana and Brittany.

"Alright man," Finn chuckles, releasing his hold on Rachel, allowing her to stand on her tip toes and kiss Noah on the cheek.

"Thank you Noah."

He doesn't say anything, just grins down at her as he looks up at Finn, "Take care of Princess here, yeah?"

"I will man."

The two men fist bump before Noah turns to head towards the girls, Finn wrapping Rachel back up in his arms.

"He acts like we're moving to another country," she laughs.

"I know," he chuckles in response, "what's up with him and Santana and Brittany anyway?"

"I have no idea. It's weird right?"

"Uh, a little."

"It's just temporary," she giggles. "He'll find something real soon. He deserves it."

"He does," Finn breathes, looking down at her with that look that never fails to make every inch of her tingle in anticipation.

"When do you wanna get out of here?" She whispers.

"Right now."

They make their way around, thanking everyone for coming, hugging and kissing everyone before they race hand in hand to their waiting limo, "JUST MARRIED" written large across the back window.

Their hands are all over each other the second the driver closes the door behind them, Rachel straddling his lap as his hands make their way under her skirt.

"Do we...do we need to tell the driver anything?" Rachel pants between heated kisses.

"He knows where he's going," Finn breathes, massaging her ass in his hands, moaning as she sucks at the skin right beneath his ear.

"Do we have time?"

"I don't, I don't think so," he groans, wanting nothing more than to be inside of his wife but knowing they'll be arriving at the hotel soon.

"Finn," she whimpers, knowing he's feeling the same way she is.

"We're almost there baby."

They feel the car stop soon after, Finn grinning into her kiss as he whispers, "Told you so."

The driver opens the door for them, helping her out as she turns back and beams at Finn. "The Ritz Carlton?"

"Well," he says, trying his best to get out of the limo and not show off his massive erection to everyone around. He quickly takes his bag from the driver, holding it in front of him and guiding Rachel inside. "We don't get to have an actual honey moon right now so that you can get as much stage time with Funny Girl as you can before you're too pregnant. So I figured we at least deserved one night in a really, really nice hotel room, right?"

"Thank you Finn, I love it."

"I love _you_."

* * *

She's standing in front of the mirror in their hotel suite, examining herself as she stands in just her underwear. It makes her think of the night of Burt and Carole's wedding, how she stood in front of her mirror tearing herself down repeatedly. She felt so damaged, so broken that night, but that's not who she is anymore. She slowly runs her hand over her stomach, smiling at the thought of her baby inside of her, growing right underneath her hand. She feels beautiful. She feels loved. Turns out Kurt was right, maybe the reason her heart never healed properly before was because the only one who could truly heal it was Finn.

He steps behind her then, himself clad only in his boxer shorts. He's already removed his uniform, taking care to hang it properly in the closet, not wanting to chance ruining it in anyway.

"Close your eyes," he whispers, leaning down and placing a series of soft kisses from her ear to her shoulder.

She obeys, closing her eyes as goosebumps rip across her skin at his feather light touch. Her eyes fly open at the feeling of something being placed on her head. She gasps as she places a delicate touch on the shiny tiara now resting snug against her head.

"I told you to keep your eyes closed," he grins, wrapping his arms around her, resting his hands on her still flat belly.

"What is this?"

"It's your crown," he breathes into her skin as he continues placing kisses everywhere he can reach, sliding his finger under the strap of her bra and slowly pulling it down, moving it out of his way.

"Why do I have a crown?" She asks, trying her hardest to keep her voice steady.

"Because you're my Prom Queen."

"What?" She giggles, turning in his arms to face him.

"Our prom got interrupted before we crowned Prom Queen. I wanted to make sure you still got your moment."

"Finn," she breathes, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his face to hers, "where's your crown?"

"_I_ didn't win queen," he grins, leaning down to kiss her.

"I know, but I don't want to be queen if you aren't my king," she whispers into his lips.

He kisses her for that, lingering against her lips before pulling back and reaching behind him for something, "Good thing I got a king crown too then huh?"

She throws her head back laughing as he places the plastic crown crooked atop his head and she couldn't possibly love him more, the king to her queen.

"You look good in a crown."

"I look better in you."

"Finn," she giggles, allowing him to pick her up and move them to the bed. He takes his time removing her lingerie, kissing her every where, working her up until she's writhing beneath him, begging him to make love to her.

He grins down at her as he removes his boxers, leaning back over her and placing a soft kiss against her lips, pulling back despite her best efforts to prolong it.

"I don't want to rush, baby. I've been waiting forever for this."

"Fiiinnn," she whines, "we just had sex last night."

"No," he breathes, "I've been waiting forever to make love to Rachel Hudson."

She looks up at him through her lashes, her heart pounding against her chest at his words.

"I love you," he moans as he pushes into her, connecting them for the first time as husband and wife. She squeezes her eyes shut, overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through her veins, _through her heart_, never before feeling anything like the love Finn is pumping into her. She opens her eyes to find him looking back into hers.

"My wife," he breathes.

"My husband," she answers, biting her lip to keep from closing her eyes again at the unbelievable feeling of Finn moving inside her.

They stay like that, moving with each other, never once breaking eye contact as Finn finds her hands, moving them up and threading his fingers through hers. They make love for hours, their moans, sighs, whispered promises of forever bouncing off the walls and echoing throughout the room in a beautiful symphony of pleasure.

When they finally let go, she feels Finn bend down and kiss her cheeks and she realizes she's crying. It's then that she feels herself surrender completely, to love, _to_ _Finn_; all of her fears lifted from her shoulders. It's not going to be easy, she knows that, no love that burns as fiercely and as passionately as theirs ever is, but is it really worth it any other way?

Rachel knows her answer; this love is worth it, will always be worth it. They have the kind of love people spend their whole lives searching for, the kind that novels and movies make legendary.

What did Finn say to her when he proposed? Their love is a truth as simple to him as the fact that the sky is blue. And in this moment she realizes all of their issues, all of their pain and their regrets, they've simply served to make them stronger, and it really _is_ that simple, because Rachel without Finn? Finn without Rachel? It simply does not make sense.

* * *

**Okay, I know some of you are disappointed there wasn't more closure with Barbie, but she's only six at this point. I don't think it's realistic for a six year old to know and understand that they're adopted and request to meet their birth parents.(I'm not adopted so I'm not positive, but I would think not at least). I'm totally down to write a one or two part sequel that takes place in the future about them and Barbie though if you guys want it. Let me know!**

**Finchel's vows are from the movie "The Vow" (which I realized when writing this that I totally accidentally used a line in the vows for The 30 Year Old Virgin lol).**

**Their first dance is "Grow Old with You" by Adam Sandler.**

**Puck sings "At Last" by Etta James, though the way he performs it acoustically, I imagine it sounding much more like Eva Cassidy's version. (give it a listen if you've never heard her version, I can actually totally imagine Mark Salling doing a great cover of this).**

**Annnnd that's a wrap! Can't believe it's over! Thanks again you guys, it's been one helluva ride! :)**


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